Hi I'm Peter in advance please forgive my long explanation. I currently live with a lady whome I met 8 months ago we both fell head over heels it was fantastic I'm 45 she is 48 so we know our own minds. We soon moved in together and some months later I proposed now I have to say living together is easy we get on really well. I started to notice that I wasn't giving her an orgasm when having sex she said it was fine but well you just know when someone is in to or not. Gradually the amount of sex has worn off but when we do she is dry down below so thought I wasntu exiting her and let's just say she doesn't like any real foreplay. I tried talking to her and not blaming either way but always get the same answer it's fine some time later she began to say she was always tired so I did all the house work cooked dinner ironed her cloths for work etc in the hope this would help but no success, she then told me she thought she was going through the change which I duly read up on she had a full historectomy 8 years ago and it seemed that she should have gone through this a while ago don't shoot me now I may be wrong please correct me if I am. So we carry on but she really doesn't seem to be interested she says she prefers a quicky but does she really get anything from that or just getting it over with. Lately she hasn't wanted to be interim ate due first she had a bad back and now feeling sick don't get me wrong I'm sympathetic and look after her I love her and am attentive in every way I'm a good person I don't cheat or flirt and am totally dedicated to her but I don't think she is interested in me sexually anymore she cuddles me and says she loves me which confuses me because her actions don't follow suit. Before she met me she had a bit of a wild life going out and had a few guys in the last 8 years I think about 15 maybe more. When we met she said she had herpes which she said she caught from a cheating ex husband 10 years ago this floored me at first as I have always been so careful she has no symptoms now and it doesn't matter to me because I love her, is she still interested in me what's going on please someone help.
She seems completely disinterested in sex with you, but still happy to be a couple and snuggle and such. This tells me that maybe she has lost her sex drive a little, which can happen. I think you would be best to actually talk to her about everything you mentioned above, as it's clear you really care for her and want her to be happy! She will have better answers to your questions than us silly folk on the internet.
do you want to spend the rest of your life ironing her clothes while she pretends to have sex with you?....dont be a floormat....lose this bitch as fast as possible and do not look back....you owe her nothing...you owe yourself happiness...... seriously......move on
Thanks for your replies firstly, I have tried talking cooked her a meal flowers etc and tried to talk but always get the same reply everything is fine it's all in my mind. You maybe right maybe I should walk away but not so easy when your in love with someone I need answers from her before this becomes an option
It doesn't sound like it is all in your mind and everything is alright to me. It sounds like she is just not into it and going through the motions. I have been there and done that before and would never do it again.
It is possible that she is going through menopause after a hysterectomy. It depends on if she retained her ovaries or not (removing them is called an oophorectomy btw) as they are not always removed during a hysterectomy. It is also possible that she is tired of living the wild life, and you are a man that dotes on her, so she feels like she doesn't have to impress you in the bedroom to keep you. I wouldn't say 'walk away' because you seem to care for her, and this may be something that she cannot control (ie: menopause). You researched going through the change, so it seems like you are really trying to understand what is going on with her. Research 'loss of libido in women' and you will see the numerous possible causes. You could suggest that she go see a doctor to have her hormone and thyroid levels checked, which could rule out/confirm menopause or thyroid problems. There are any number of things that could cause her to lose interest in sex, the hard part is figuring out what it is. If she is unwilling to get a simple blood test to figure out what is going on, she may not be interested in fixing things. Try not to base her emotional feelings on her (lack of) physical response. She may love you deeply, but her hormones could be so out of whack that she cannot enjoy intimacy with you. Talk to her. Good luck.
well i read an article the other day, the female sex drive lowers .02% a month, or something like that, during the course of a relationship. its a chemical thing. whereas the male sex drive really doesn't decrease at all. .... but there is also the chance she loves you, loves everything about you, but you might not please her sexually, either due to your own physical limitations or possibly she isn't being open about what excites her?
that means if they're together for 50 years, her sex drive lowers 12%. i think i could live with that.
