Its considerably difficult for me to get into any relationship. Because I have to work at it obviously to keep the spontanious positive vibe going. But I when that depressive funk hits, it becomes really hard to deal with this problem... any suggestions
Hi andy. Well, I didn't expect my first post on here to be about mental health. I' m bipolar too with med resistant depression. I take Lamictal, Venlafaxine and Buspirone. I don't know the answer to your question. I'm in exactly the same position as you are. I've lost friends because of my inability to be a good friend. Eventually people get tired of being picked up and then dropped even when they know why. I drop off the radar wlhen i'm depressed and find I have lost friends when I pop back up. As for relationships the very thought of having to maintain one scares me. I'm terrified by it. My relationships have been with men who medicate me. By that I mean men who continually show me love and then rejection. I become like an addict and they are the supplier. They feed me a steady supply initially and once I am hooked they withhold. I'm left craving. Then they know they have me. They ration the supply. Giving me intense bursts of love and affection. That keeps me high but then the inevitable crash and then withdrawal comes. I carry on my addiction deaf to those around me. It always ends up the same way. I get so used to the longer times between the highs that I start to feel better when I'm not around the person. I feel sick when I am with them and angry at myself for being there. Then I just give up. I get to the point where my body can't take anymore. I'm tired and worn out and I just let go of the craving. The last part is when I walk away but never until they have shown me such disdain and disregard that the affection doesn't work anymore. It doesn't make up for the misery. I slip away unnoticed while they move onto the next victim. Yes, I date sociopaths. Inbetween times I have random sex and lots of it. I have a couple of guys I can call on who I can have sex with. It doesn't matter how long it has been since I last saw them. I just pop up and it's back on. The sex is good but it's meaningless. Part of me wants it like that but when I'm actually there with them it hurts to know that's all I'm worth. I just keep up the act. Then I will add a random new guys until one of them that I meet identifies me as a victim and I'm back where I was. But, I'm thinking you can see how that fits so well into my illness. Random, no consistency and self medicating. If you want to share then I would be interested to know what your pattern is. If your not comfortable with that then that's okay. I can sit here and wait for some input and advice. Heaven knows I need it. Problem is I'm incapable of putting it into practice!
This may be a bad suggestion... I have Bipolar I Rapid Cycling and my boyfriend has Bipolar II. Two people in a relationship with a child on the way, both having bipolar disorder (along with other mental issues) can sometimes be a very difficult thing. However, it is an amazing thing too. We are both able to understand each other and neither of us takes the "caretaker" roll on a constant. A lot of times (I have experienced this a few times) when a person with bipolar disorder is in a relationship with a person who does not have the disorder things get extremely difficult. Most of the time the person without doesn't know what to do or how to handle or help the "sick" one when they are having a difficult time. They assume a caretaker role while the other is sick and then when they're better and they aren't so dependent on the other, the person without the disorder can sometimes feel unneeded and begin to treat the person with bipolar disorder bad. There is a lot of stigma when it comes to mental illness. Really, no one, not even the best of psychologists know what it's like to have bipolar disorder (or any mental illness) until they've experienced it. Its almost like being a completely different race, life is so much different, the way people look at you, everything. So, my advice is to find someone that is able to understand the disorder, know when you're not yourself, know how to handle the situation, love you for you, and want to help (but not too much to where they assume a full time caretaker role). I recommend the book Loving Someone With Bipolar Disorder by Julie Fast and John Preston.
