Am I bisexual? Does my wife suspect it?

Hello all,

I have a serious question, in need of some serious advice.

For the last 10 years or so, I have gone back and forth on whether or not I could be "bisexual" or curious about sexual acts with guys.
I have often fantasized about going down on a guy, and look at porn that includes those types of sex acts as well.

I have never had an actual experience with a man, but am extremely curious about the act of giving oral sex.
However, I am married to an amazing woman, who grew up conservatively and isnt as open minded as I would like. Shes not homophobic, but doesnt have much exposure to these types of things.

Recently, my urges to experiment have gotten intense, and frequent. I find myself talking to quite a few female friends, and even family members about my situation in regard to my sexual orientation. I really want to tell my wife, but I am scared beyond belief that she will not understand, and freak out on me.

To be quite honest, the fact that I have never had an actual experience sexually may not mean I am bisexual, but I do know that the urge to give oral sex is intense.
It seems as though I can talk to everyone but her abotu this, and it has recently came back to bite me, as a couple of her siblings had people tell them I was questioning them in regard to how i came off sexual orientation wise.

How do I tell my wife i have fantasies about men?

Is there a way to somehow "gauge" her reaction, to see how she might react..or if she currently suspects anything?

it should also be noted that I get teased all the time, and have been teased all my life because people think i am gay, or have those tendencies.

The following incident happened over a year ago.

so i look at the craigslist casual encounters section..alot. never respond to any ads or anything..but i like looking at the couples looking for men section.i search bi couples alot. anyways, about 8 months ago..i left it up on the browser. she saw it. asked me about it that night, and was like why were you on that site? i freaked out immediately and told her it was a pop up, and that i didnt go there on purpose. shes like bull, i clicked back..and saw the pages you looked at. she then asked if i was curious about what type of people posted on there, thats what i told her i mean. she then flat out asks..you arent gay are you? i say no immediately and shes like, then its not a huge deal, just dont lie to me about it.

Any thoughts or comments would be much appreciated!

 

preliminary impressions: I didn't read anything that jumped out implying you have interest/attraction for the same sex, just that you're curious about the sex. I wouldn't be surprised if this is just a phase, scratch it off your bucket list after you know what it's like.

That said, the more you worry about it, the more it's gonna keep popping up. She's your wife, I'd hope she'd be at least willing to hear your side of things and come to a decision without all this cloak & dagger,

Ever asked her for a 3way?

 

I am pretty sure she wouldnt go for that. Shes conservative sexually.

Do you think i should try it out? I have been having these thoughts for 10 years.

 

yep - if she said don't lie to vher then don't. talkto her - lying and deceiving her will definitely wreck your relationship - I've been there; my wife knew that I had had m2m experiences before we got married but lying and deceiving her was the worst.

What sort of relationship is it between two people is ine is lying and cheating on her. You may be surprised how she can acccept you being bi, my wife amazed me. She also found she loved m2m sex - was really turned on by it and for many months we had a threesum.

There are several online groups for couples where one partner has different orientation - the best ones are MMOMW, HUGS & Alternative Path - the latter for support for the woman of a bi/gay man.

Google them, don't live a lie - repressing your natural urges will backfire one day.

good luck,

Simon :sunny: