Bf likes shemales but happy without it?

I am 24 and have been with my bf (24) for just over three years. During the first year, i found out he is into shemale porn. He has never tried it but it always turned him on and he has been curious about trying anything with a shemale. At first he didnt even understand what he liked about it, but anyway, since then we have argued a lot about it and eventually were able to talk calmly and openly. I am only just beginning to get to grips with it but this is what he has told me so far.
He is curious but doesnt feel like he NEEDS to try it. He is also curious, more recently, about receiving pleasure from me with a strap on, if i was willing. But again, he says its only a mild curiosity and doesnt know if he would enjoy it or not.
I said that i am not quite ready to try anything like that but that may change, so i asked how he feels about that. He said he has always been more than satisfied with 'standard' stuff with me, and if that never changes, he believes he will still be very happy.
When he explained how he feels about shemale porn, he said there are two reasons he likes it. One is that it is like a female apart from the genitals. He says he is certain he doesnt feel attracted to men. At all. He even admitted to watching gay porn once just to be sure, and never wanted to watch it again lol.
The second reason he likes shemales is because they obviously know how to pleasure male genitalia, so that would be great for him as a guy.

So my problem is this - despite him saying that he is very happy with our sex life (and i have had no reason not to believe him, as we have a regular sex life and he clearly looks like he is in pleasure every time!), i cant help but feel like im not what he wants, not good enough because i dont have the knowledge of a penis and im not yet willing to try other stuff on him. This is also partly because whenever he has thought about porn or watched it, its only been shemale. He rarely watches it anymore but admits to still thinking about it.

This feeling stays in the back of my mind and makes me feel unsexy and wondering why he still sleeps with me! Any advice for me, or should i just accept that i cant handle it and leave him?

 

If you could differentiate between Love (emotional) and Sex (physical) you might not feel so uneasy.
However, I think guys come wired with the ability to do that more easily than females.

 

What gender are you, may I ask?

 

God forbid you aren`t everything for him and his whole world. God forbid he should 'fess up to also liking darker or lighter skinned girls than you. Or apples, or soccer, or Miami.

How unsexy would you feel then?

 

I do not see a reason for this person to feel unsexy at all. A person who likes men in skirts sounds like somebody who is not strait.

 

im female. In response to seperating love from sex, that means i would feel safe with the love part but still inadequate with the sex part. I know im very scared that he will soon get bored of standard sex and either leave, cheat, or our sex life will simply disappear because he wants something else, or different styles. If you really think im stupid to not believe im lucky that he says he still wants me, do say so (as one of you did). It could be i just need a kick in the head to stop being so damn scared.

 

maybe he just dont like ugly dudes banging hot chicks,, uke:

but prefers to see hot trannies bang hot chicks.. Works for me..

 

You argued with him because he watches she-male porn?
Or did you argue about watching porn in general?

 

i argued about shemale porn because i was so surprised and didnt have a clue why he liked it, but by our second year together i had talked more calmly and asked to understand it, and in the end he told me he wanted to talk about it so i could understand. Ive since said that i accept its who he is, each to their own. But its all this stuff going round my head where i think, if he is into shemales this much, to the point he doesnt seem to look at any other type of porn, how can he be more than satisfied with me, a female? In fact its not even that, its wondering how he is honestly happy sexually with NO shemale activity in his sex life. And when he said he partly likes the idea of a shemale because 'he can relate to their pleasure', well that makes me feel like slapping him. So im not good enough because i cant say 'oh yeh i know how it feels to rub a penis'?

 

So you have no problem with him watching regular porn?

 

I still dislike it a bit but i dont worry so much if he watches stuff involving a female, like me. Its the idea of me not being what he wants. But he says he doesnt watch regular porn anymore because shemale porn turns him on more. He said hes never even fantasized about me, only about shemale stuff. Just makes me feel like im waiting for him to get bored of regular sex with me. It will end up killing my sex drive and that certainly wont help things. Maybe im wrong, maybe the only reason he fantasizes about shemale stuff so much is because he doesnt get to do it. Not much need to fantasize about regular sex if hes getting plenty of it. I dont know.

 

I ask because what you're saying is pretty much exactly what a chunk of young women in relationships goes through. But it's usually 'he watches porn so how can he want me?'

These chicks either finally learn the truth "IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU"
or they use it to destroy a perfectly fine and healthy relationship because they can't figure it out and get over it.

Some times somethings are just hot, and analyzing it just ruins it. Chances are he never really thought about it or cared until he was made to.


What do YOU fantasize about? Does your bf have anything to fear about your fantasies? Why not?

 

i used to feel that way about regular porn, before i started dating him, but i read a lot of forums to unravel my brain (wasnt sure why i didnt like it) and after reading the same thng you wrote, i stopped being so against it. Its different for me coz my fantasies usually involve him, or a girl (im bi). I know he doesnt mind me thinking of girls coz im with him and therefore must be satisfied (and it means im not gay), so i guess my issue is the fact he doesnt even fantasize about himself with a girl, even if its not me. It kinda makes me feel like i dont quite fit in to his desires coz i dont have those genitals. If he sometimes watched or thought about regular girls, i dont think i would worry as much. It makes it seem like its not just some 'side fetish' but the whole deal, and maybe hes only sleeping with me coz he feels safe about it (coz hes never experienced a shemale) and because he doesnt know any shemales in real life. Do you think im just being way too scared for my own good? Ive even considered that if i know im just scared but still cant handle it, then this relationship wont work for much longer.

 

So you have two standards?

He should accept you being bi but not feel threatened by females even though he doesn't have female parts for you

BUT

it's okay for you to feel threatened by him fantasizing about males because you don't have male parts?

 

He won't be happy for long without it get Yo self a strap on

 

+1 and too fucking true.

Your boyfriend seems to acknowledge and understand that if you're with him and regularly having sex with him then their is nothing to worry about even if you fantasize about types of sex he can't possibly provide. Furthermore he said to you outright that he doesen't mind if he tries the shemale thing or not (although personally I think you should try the strap on because why not?). Correct me if I'm wrong I don't know your relationship but it sounds like he really loves you and wants to be with you. You're blowing a small thing way out of proportion and potentially jeopardizing your whole relationship because of it.

Fantasy is something that will always exist and more often than not it will be about sex acts that are out of the norm, I even think their is a currently active thread on this topic on this very forum where both guys and girls are expressing things they have thought about doing. If your boyfriend did the shemale thing he would probably find something else to fantasize about, you're fantasizing about women while with him. While I'm with my girlfriend I've fantasized about intense female domination and instead of being intimidated and daunted by this my she has opted to try new things in the bedroom and share her fantasies with me. Instead of fantasies outside of the relationship being a negative thing they can be a positive and again this is why I think you should open your mind a bit. Thats your reality check

 

Regardless of the double standard present here, it's only a matter of time before the dude becomes bored with the sexlife you share as a couple. If you try to take this desire away from him and lock it up in a little box, one day the box is going to explode and youll catch your husband of ten years cheating on you with the pool boy. Embrace his desires or accept that he lusts after things that you can't understand, and can't live up to.

 

Sounds like do as I say, not as I do, to me. Just don't be so paranoid.

 

After 3 years, I'd say that you are what he wants.

By way of an analogy, just because he looks at motorcycles, doesn't mean that he'd trade his car in for a Harley. Even if he doesn't look at pictures of cars.

 

Fantasies are (usually) healthy, and his porn viewing should not be restricted by what you find acceptable. (His porn tastes have nothing to do with you. It is about him getting off alone. Its what he wants at that particular moment in time.)Trying to control what your partner is allowed to think about to become arroused is unreasonable. If you are uncomfortable about it, the insecurity lies within you. He seems to be pretty honest with his desires, and is content to keep them as a fantasy. Why aren't you?

Let him have his fantasies. (Spice up your sex life and buy a strap on, you might make his dream come true.) Really, if he has been honest about it, and isn't upset about not getting it in real life, don't worry about it. It is not an issue unless you make it into one. Do you really want your relationship to be about controlling what he is 'allowed' to think about to get off during masturbation? Do you tell him what you think about when you masturbate? Give him some mental privacy.

You have a good sex life and an honest boyfriend who is sexually open minded. Be secure in yourself, and you might discover amazing things together.