Let me start by saying that I am an Atheist. She knows this yet still loves me like crazy just like I do her. I agreed with her about no sex before marriage and even attend church with her twice a week. The problem arose a while back when I started getting hints that she had done sexual things with her ex boyfriend. I knew that she was still a virgin because she told me in the beginning of our relationship so it didn't really bother me at first because we were doing somethings too but the more I thought about it the more it bothered me. One day we were talking and oral sex came up. I hinted to her if we could do it eventually and she said yes, when we are married. I didn't mind too much until I started to suspect that she had done it with her ex. That really bothered me until I finally asked her if she had done it before and she told me yes. That got me really depressed because she has done it with another guy and not me who she says she wants to marry. And now she wants to stop doing anything at all related to sex until we are married years from now. I understand why she is doing it for her beliefs but it really gets me angry when I think about it. What do you guys think about this?
It's her choice if she wants to abstain, but it's kinda hard to wait years and years knowing that you can't have what someone else already did. I don't know what else to say about that but you should have a conversation with her about where/how you are going to get married. I am not into church twice a week and waiting until I was married but I wouldn't get married in a church until my husband got right with God and this was my second marriage fyi... We dated a long time and I just couldn't do it unless he believed and we had to do a church for his families sake. It was a tough time and I loved him but not enough but not enough to marry him if he was an atheist. I don't mean to sound harsh/rude, but it sounds like you need more discussion about the future and less about the present frustrations. Good luck to you both!
We have talked about marriage and she wants to do it after she finishes her credits in college and we both have stable jobs. That is going to take 2-3 years and I was okay with that until all this happened. We are both virgins but knowing what she did with someone else really gets me depressed.
Abstinence is meaningless now if she's doing it for religious reasons. Ask her why she wants to abstain from oral sex when she's already broken the rule.
We had a conversation a few days ago about it and we got everything out in the open. She explained to me that her previous relationship wasn't exactly good and that she felt that her ex wanted her only for sex. She wouldn't give it to him and he found someone else. She told me that she wants things with me to be different because I am not like that at all. She is scared of getting hurt again and said that fully trusting in a guy is not something she could do easily now. Discussing this with her made me feel better because now I know her motives behind why she does the things she does and I feel like a burden has been lifted off of my shoulders.
