Are Straight Dudes Just Sex Objects?

I just had a totally weird talk with one of my queer dude friends. He was telling me that he only has sex (mostly oral) with straight dudes now. So I asked him why is that? And he answered that straight dudes are more masculine (read: attractive), and they almost always are quick to accept a heartfelt blowjob. Especially after a couple of beers. WTF?

So then I remembered a chat I had with this straight girl I know and like a lot. And she has been wanting our friendship to become a lot more intimate and everything....... for a very long time, even though I told her I am pretty sure I am like 101% queer. LOL. So I told her that a really pretty and sweet girl like her should not have any problems finding a nice straight guy to hook up with. And she answered that straight dudes are only good for hot sex, and they're not even worth knowing after the sex is done. Say what? So does this mean that straight men are the new sex objects in our sex crazed society? And since it was wrong to treat women like that, shouldn't it also be wrong to treat straight dudes like that? I mean, even if one or two of them don't seem to mind it at all? LOL. I'd be curious to hear what other folks think about this...

Peace,

~PD

 

no because staright guys who you just fuck are generally assholes, and yes they are the new sex object...it's so liberating for us lady's..sigh..the sexual revolution is happening... now lets hope you all start getting bitchy and whiney and wondering where i am after ten at night, and ill say"fuck you get back in the kitchen whore, and you better be barefooted" ah men, you really will know your place.

 

or did you want a serious answer?

 

"Or did you want a serious answer?"

LOL. So you weren't being serious? I guess I am among a minority (no pun). Cuz I really do know several straight dudes that I like. And I'm not having sex with any of them. I just feel like if you only wanna relate to somebody in bed, then you're gonna totally miss out on ever knowing what just might turn out to be a really cool person. Are all str8 dudes assholes? Maybe it's possible some of them feel just as trapped by the stereotype (tough, insensitive, not the sharpest knife in the drawer, etc.) as a lot of women used to get subjected to before the liberation and everything. (Barefoot and pregnant. Only a man can be a great genius. Either you're a virgin or a whore, and you can't have it both ways, etc.) Cuz the straight dudes I know are a far cry from just being a bunch of heartless assholes. A lot of them seem genuinely lonely, and have a strong desire to find the right girl, etc. Anyway, that's just my humble opinion. But I appreciate your honesty a lot. Thanks for being so open with me.

Peace,

~PD

 

i think you have some great points there...some straight guys can be real assholes, but i guess its just when your not the one. i myself look for the one but havent found him...and i always know it straight away...and if you pursue a sexual relationship ..well lets just say some guys do feel like an object, and others definitely do the objectifying

but i think change is in the air... my ex said to me the other day"Uno, i think guys are the ones who want relationships these days, not women"
maybe he's right...

i just think it would all be better if we truly said what we felt instead of games or roundabout ways because your scared the other person wants differently... even if i dont like the guy im scared he's gonna want more cos i dont and viceversa..
ah im just rambles now

 

Wow. You said a lot of important stuff here. I never thought about it like that before, but maybe it really is mostly str8 women and gay men (but certainly not all...) that are into doing mostly the sex thang now, and a lot of str8 dudes are secretly hoping for a genuine relationship? That sure would make it kinda ironic now, huh? Except the other thing about this is lesbians. I've always admired how so many of them seem to be able to form really strong genuine bonds with a partner (think of Alice and Gertrude), and don't seem all that hell bent on finding a totally hot anonymous sex partner for the night. It just seems like there's something a lot more lasting and genuine goin' on there. Or else maybe I'm stereotyping lesbians now! LOL. But the longest relationships I know about all involve them.

In fact, this one really cool dyke I know has lived with (and totally loves and respects) her same-sex partner for more than 15 years! How many str8 relationships have lasted that long? And I don't know of a single gay man I can think of that has lived with a partner for that long. Even though I lived with my lover for more than 8 years (till he passed away). But that's still a lot less time, etc. Anyway, I am rambling now. LOL. But you really got me thinking of stuff here. And it's not even 8am?! *better go grab some coffee* Thanks for helping me to sort through all this complicated stuff here. I really liked a lot of what you said.

Peace,

~PD

 

cool that's good...i dont know many lesbian couples so i cant really pass much comment, but i do know that a lot of straight couples do make it...i mean everything is up to the individual case i believe...
...i read a short story once called "straigh fiction" and it was a sort of queer theory parody where straight relationships were completely the minority...i think it put things in an interesting perspective!

 

It's a very interesting and curious topic. I've had sex with men who were in a heterosexually fronted marriage, but I wouldn't say that I had thought of them as sex objects. I've also had sex with men who were in unfulfilled gay longterm relationships.

I think that people often enter a sexual encounter with needs to be met and expectations in mind. These straight dudes who had consumed beer prior to consent might have been just as happy to jerk off outside under the oak tree. Some people are less fussy about things like HOW the semen is extracted. Heck, if someone offers to suck you off it means you've got an extra hand for another beer, or the remote to fast forward the porn you're watching.

This is an interesting subject and it is certainly worthy of further comment.

 

I'm gonna try and find that short story ASAP?! Sounds like it should be really cool. I'll try and do a Google, and hopefully something will turn up. I love "upside down" stuff like that. Cuz it really can open your eyes to a lot of things, etc. Thanks for telling me about this one!

Peace,

~PD

 

Hey, thanks for your kind and thoughtful comment. Yeah, I know there are str8 dudes that are willing to do just about anything to get their rocks off. Especially when beer and porn are involved. LOL. But it always made me feel sorta odd. I mean, when some str8 guy might hint around about a blow job or whatever. Especially if the dude had been drinking. Cuz I just kept thinking he would never be suggesting something like that had he been totally sober. So it does sorta seem like taking advantage of the situation (IMO).

Also, I know a lot of str8 guys can get weird about even being considered bi or whatever. So there's always the risk that the dude might freak out on you after the fact, and literally kick the living shit out of you. And I guess I was just always too worried that would be my bad luck. (Actually, I was almost "fag bashed" by a group of str8 guys I met in a bar once. But that was before I totally gave up booze and everything. ) Anyway, these dudes got totally pissed at me cuz they were making a lot of sick jokes about AIDS (back in the late 1980s), and I made the big mistake of telling them all that they were full of shit! LOL. Not so smart. But I was totally drunk at the time. And I never forgot that kinda intense experience. So I think I am a bit more cautious about stuff now.

So would I ever consider doin' one of my str8 friends? I don't think so. And even though it might mean I go without having any really hot sex for awhile, at least I am actually getting to know these dudes as real people, and not just a hairy crotch for me to dive down into, huh? LOL. But I worry about some of my queer friends. It just seems sorta risky to me. Not just because of all the STDs out there, but also the potential for violence. Str8 dudes are actually totally fragile...... when it comes to how they (and others) perceive their masculinity. So I try and respect that as best I can....

Peace,

~PD

 

I second Duncan's comment that this is a good topic.

Requires more thought than I'd care to give in regards to the sexual motives of straight men, but it is indeed a good topic for the boys. I'm not too insightful just for lack of experience.

In terms of what you said about lesbians, it's certainly true that the lifelong bond formed between two women is something different and incredibly strong. A different kind of strong, I think. Some of the older lesbian couples I know seem to have almost lost themselves in each other - not in a way that's destructive, so that they lose their own identities, but that's how close they are.

Of course, the dyke bar/club community is just as rife with one-night sexual romps as the next.

 

Thanks for your kind words! Yeah, I have always been way amazed by the lesbian community, and I'm actually sorta disappointed to find out there are some dykes "on the prowl" at bars and such. LOL. I almost wish you hadn't told me that. I mean, I thought that was pretty rare? But it does make sense. People are people, huh? So of course there must be some lesbians out there that are as fond of one night stands as the next gay dude. Still, I think the strong bond you mention seems to be sorta unique to dykes. I've known queer dudes that have formed strong bonds, but it never seemed as absolute to me as the lesbian couples I've known and observed, etc. Hell, my own lover used to cheat on me all the time, and acted like I was crazy when I fessed up that it bothered me so much. LOL. Thanks for all the insightful feedback!

Peace,

~PD

 

poet dude, the short story was in a book of short stores entitled "heavy water"

 

Just today I was talking with my friend who is a straight male. He was telling me about his relationship with the lady he is seeing. Both are coming out of divorces. They have great times together, mostly sex it seems. They never have been on a true date though. She flat out told him, "If you tell me you love me I'll leave." He came close to doing that a week ago & she hasn't talked to him until today when they IM's together while I was at his place.

He clearly wants a at least semi monogamous relationship with her she doesn't want to get "let him in" for a relationship that would be what he considers a couple.

Now, personally I think she has commitment issues but I am wondering if this is more widespread after reading what you folks have said.

 

i am like that in a way... but if i actually loved the guy i would be different... but she just got divorced man...probs hasnt had good sex for a while and needs some casual fun in her life, after all the heavy shit

 

You say "sex object" like its a bad thing

 

ok sex lord

 

Cool! I'll be on the lookout for it. Thanks!

Peace,

~PD

 

i just did a quick google search with heavy water amd straight fiction and it came right up in banres and noble..and i think there were some brief reviews...

 

Yeah! This sounds a lot like the girl I know. Except she's never been married before. But I have met a lot of these dudes that she has slept with and everything, and some of them are really cool, and could put Justin Timberlake to shame (as far as looks go..... I never cared for the dude's musical talents. Eminem is more my speed. LOL.). I mean, they buy her flowers and cards. And boxes of candy. And offer to do the movie and a dinner thang with her. And leave messages on her machine. One dude even wrote a really sweet poem for her. But she only wants the sex. I just don't understand that. Cuz she's always talking about how lonely she is. So I think you are totally right. It really is a commitment phobic sorta thing. Maybe that's why she wants to hang with me so much. Cuz she knows I'm not gonna pressure her into a commitment. LOL. Thanks for sharing your thoughts and observations with me!

Peace,

~PD