My girlfriend and I have been dating for a few months, and out of everyone I have ever dated or met in my entire life, she is by far the most amazing person I've met, and she's crazy about me to boot. It's a bit too early to say if she is "the one" but I'm to the point of having to push those thoughts out of my head because I know it's too soon. The only problem is my intense anxiety over her recent past. Up until our relationship she would smoke weed fairly often, though she completely stopped on her own and now even says smoking was a mistake. I have tried to compromise by buying some and smoking it with her, but all it did was create bad feelings between us, with her saying "All I could think was that I hope you don't start doing this." Long story short, we both were upset to see the other smoke. She has also done 2C-E twice with her last boyfriend, and this is where the worst of my anxiety comes from. It has caused such stress in our relationship that I have resorted to pushing it out of my mind as best I can. Like weed, she has stated that doing it was a mistake. I have never tripped before, and I always secretly wanted to, but I can't stand the thought of her doing it. I asked her if she would like to do something similar (shrooms, LSD, etc) with me, and she said no. We both also don't like the idea of each other drinking or smoking (weed) without each other. We both aren't really into partying, so this is generally well-received. The only problem is that I will be moving to New York City soon for 6 months before moving back to Illinois, and I have had this trip planned since September. I decided to take the trip to make business networks as well as discover myself. I planned to explore myself and all the experiences that life has to offer, and this includes shedding my morals somewhat. She understands this and has stated that she probably won't even party at all while at college (her new job hinders that) and she has said that she knows she can't try to stop me from trying various experiences or just enjoying the city. Am I hypocritical for not wanting her to drink/smoke but more or less planning on doing it myself? She's going to be visiting me twice, so I plan to take her out for a few wild nights then, but is it still wrong of me?
Smoking and drinking isn't cheating. Perhaps you're afraid of what the consequences will be if she socially picks up the habit? Are you being hypocritical? Probably, but whether you're right or wrong, you've got to stick with what you know/think best.
you're kind of weird for caring about whether she drinks/smokes/does non-hard drugs, but i don't think it's hypocritical until you actually forbid it.
Well, I tend to date straight-edge women, and I'm used to being the most "rebellious" one in a relationship, so this is a strange departure for me.
dude you need to support your gf, get those nasty false thoughts out of your head. If your so concerned about the healthy choices she makes, i can see her leaving you real fast. At least shes not doing heroin or meth or some shit.
While I realize this is a liberal forum, you also have to understand my and her points of views. She decided that smoking was a mistake on her own, even after I supplied some. "Healthy" isn't exactly how I would describe the choices you are referring to, but considering that your name contains "420" I could see why you don't agree with me.
Do you guys feel weird if the other drinks coffee when your not around and gets their buzz on? People need to stop putting such stigma on cannabis. I'm sorry your struggling in your relationship man but it's just a bit of drink or a puff of herb. It's all love.
That`s the issue with this "the one" nonsense, to me. Am I really that insecure that I have to project all of my fears onto someone else and make them perfect, unless I "lose control" of them?
i think you're more jealous that she's doing these things with other people, than actually upset about the acts themselves.
While it would be a lot worse if done with other people, we still were uncomfortable watching each other smoke when it was just the two of us. We've done it a few times and have gone on to have fun with it every time, but there's always that lingering anxiety from both parties. She was actually mad at me for getting us some bud at first. EDIT: There's also a HUGE difference between drinking coffee and smoking weed. One makes you feel more awake while the other drastically alters your mood, perception, and physical sensation.
So...why is it ok for you to experiment and "find yourself" but if she smokes a j she's "unhealthy" and making "mistakes"? I highly suspect the answer lies in the fact that you get more satisfaction in monitoring her behavior (regardless of her own opinion of her behavior) than you do in monitoring your own. And weed doesn't DRASTICALLY alter your mood, perception, and physical sensation. You've obviously never been under the influence of heavier drugs/mental states. I'm speaking as someone who's had ICU psychosis while under anesthetic-grade sedatives. When you've been through that, weed is a walk in the park. Yes, it's stronger than caffeine, and I personally can't drive while high, but anyone who acts like they can't completely control their actions while high is a liar. I might act silly and say stupid shit while high, but there are lines that I would never cross, no matter how much I've smoked. Alcohol is a little different, but she should know by now how much is too much for her. You sound deeply insecure and anxious about growing up, and are taking it out on your girlfriend who--through no fault of her own--came from a different background than you. I'm guessing you're about 18. It shows. Not an insult, just saying that if you want to grow up and become a "real" adult, you're going to have to get past the reality of drugs and alcohol. If you were 30 and still felt this way, I'd suggest therapy.
Hey man my name has nothing to do with it. This is waaay deeper than that. In my honest opinion, i truely think she said it was a mistake just because you were not cool with it, and she wanted to stay on your side instead of getting into an argument where you wouldnt be able to see where shes coming from. Either way, it is not a big deal, Im sure your relationship is not threatened in anyway. Be grateful that you have what you do, there is no need to complicate things.
