Do I tell my children daddy is gay or should I wait a while, thoughts please? Thanks.

Hi, my ex husband and father of my two children has anounced that he is gay. His family, and most of his friends know. He seems very happy with his decision to come out. I obviously personally experienced varying emotions after he told me having being married to him for 16 years, but I support him as I believe he deserves to find the happiness in his personal life that I have since found in mine. He is a fantastic father and his daughters love him to bits. My only concern is how and when do I tell the girls? We live in a small town. We want the news to come from us wanting to handle this sensitively. I just never prepared for this senario so for the first time in my life as a parent I'm asking for advise on a forum. Sorry for the essay. :/

 

How old are the kids??

By the sounds of things I'm guessing old enough that I would let them know now. As far as to how to tell them. I have no idea there again it depends on the kids ages.

 

it's about him, so he should be the one to handle it

 

They are 9 and 3.

 

I know that at 3 my you gets isn't old enough to know or understand but I think that my oldest child may not have the maturity to keep it from her sister.

 

he should tell them when he's ready. although being in a small town, they've probably already heard.

 

Regarding my ex husband telling them himself I have thought that would be best but I feel I should be present to show support to my children and to their dad.

 

Thanks for the comments so far guys.

 

With kids that age, you leave out all the bits about sexual preference. Daddy really likes or loves this person. That's about it.

 

This...



Cheers Glen.

 

+1, from what I hear and my own experience things do tend to get out in small towns thus it's probably better they hear it from you than some other person.

 

^what i was thinking.
I think kids, no matter how young, can hear something like "dad loves this person" and not really think anything of it.
Besides it's all positive news, since your ex is finally happy (as u said) and everyone supports him, so u should definitely tell your kids. :2thumbsup:

 

Thanks so much for the advice everyone. ) x

 

let them figure it out for themselves

kids aren't stupid

 

Yes i do agree!!

I think its amazing he stayed married for that long if he likes guys! (I feel bad for her (AND THE KIDS))

 

I agree with this, but I also think that you should never lie to your children. Even though they may not understand it now, when they get older and they do understand it the children will respect you more for not lying to them their whole lives about it...true story happened to my niece and nephew.

 

I agree with this.
My mother finally came out to my sister and me earlier this year
(I'm 21, she's 18), but we've known for years.

 

1. He's not gay. Out at this stage after decades with girls is a very different thing to one that was that way all the way along

2. Your 3 year old is too young to understand, thats just an assumption most will make, but its not true. That 3 year olds brain is working way faster than yours. Not in terms of gay or sexuality, but if say for example your husband is way sweeter than every other adult male she encounters her little brain will sniff that out in a nanosecond, and she knows thats not just cos its her dad. Assessing her dad in comparison to how all the other dads are with girls her age, again in nanoseconds

3. Your 9 year old knows more than you do

 

Thanks for the last few comments.regarding feeling bad for me. I appreciate the comment. I felt very shocked. I had no idea. We were young when we got together and for both of us sex wasn't that important at that time.it did feature of course but I now know not as it should in a relationship with the right person. Im very lucky and am glad things have worked iut for both of us as individuals.when he told me we had been separated 3 years. He said it crossed his mind that he might be but that he never acted on it. Obviously I will never know for sure if he did but I had to think he didn't as it helped me at the time. We are now divorced. But We were the best of friends, Until about 4 years before we mutually decided to split. We stayed together in our home for the sake of our children but we knew we needed to find whatever it was that was missing from our lives. I can only speak for myself when I say that I have. I now know what it is like to be in love and feel as every woman should. I'm a little disappointed that i won't have children or probably marry the man I'm in love with but we are together and my children love him too. I thank god everyday for that. Well most days! Haha. My kids have a great dad in Chris his sexuality will never change that. My kids have a fantastic family unit. My partner is very good with them. They learn from him and he makes them laugh. They love it when my partners sons visit. And I'm an awesome mum! the girls will be fine I know that they have love. Just needed a bit of back up before I tackle it. Thanks so much guys. x

 

I agree with this.

There's no need for labels, it's just that he happens to love another person, the gender shouldn't matter.