Hello I'm 20 years old, my girlfriend is going on 19. We've been dating for two years. She is often a shy person (won't let me take photographs with her is an example) but it doesn't bother me. I often think its cute. But when it comes to sex i feel like she is holding herself back because of it. In the beginning of the relationship she wouldn't even have sex doggy style, i asked why and she would just say "i don't like it". But we've tried it and she loves it now. Also she had never given head and said she never would, well we had a few drinks and she tried it, and once again she loves it. Recently she even has tried anal a couple of times I don't like to try and get her to try things when she says no, but i feel like she says no but doesn't really know what she wants. We have come a long way and i love her to death, and i can she she is trying to be more open. My main concern is just that it's hard for me to get turned on sometimes because she lacks the sexual ambition. i feel like i have to initiate everything, she wont even ask me/tell me what to do. I just want her to get excited ya know.. i want the passion. I feel like it's there i just have to find a way to unleash it. I am very kinky and i desire a lot sexually. I try hard to be understanding of her but i can't fight my urges. I want to marry her. I love her. I just don't know if i can go my whole life without being totally sexually satisfied. Any advice is greatly appreciated Edit: I would like to talk to her about it but she would take it the wrong way and it would probly hurt her feelings and make her over think things even more, making the problem worse
Try introducing things to her in the format of a game. I suggest doing this on a special occasion too that is bound to have a lot of attraction and passion (an anniversary maybe?). Really dial up the romance too. Other than that is to try to talk to her about it. If I were you I would ask her what some of her fantasies are with you that she hasn't admitted to you before.
My guess is that you just have a "passive" lover, and my wife is the same way. She will do anything to please me, but never initiates. She "receives" pleasure, but doesn't ask for it or initiate it. If she's like my wife, she will cater to your every whim, fulfill every fantasy you can dream up, and if you learn to read her body language, and respond to her desires, she will respond to you in kind.
Have you explored something like MDMA together? It is a great tool to get someone to express what they really feel and often get them to do kinky things they wouldn't usually do. I am not supporting drug use, but IMO it helped me and my partner. Most of all girls are shy, and she is still young and probably hasn't had much experience.
If she's shy and it's holding her back, why the hell are you telling us about it, like a jerk? How about you talk to her?
If you do decide to get married, on your wedding day, dont let her eat the cake. Inside the cake batter is a permanent womens libido killer. Seriously, tho, try role playing. You said she drinks, drink some more and watch porn like someone said.
write her a letter, make it really creative, interesting, romantic, and then add in that you want more sexual interaction from her, and that you'd like to do a workshop, class or massage session or something similar together. There are lots of videos, books and live classes and workshops you can find that are related to gaining confidence and comfort in sexuality...also things that are unrelated...like deep, deep relaxation or deep, deep strenuous activity... like hot springs or hiking can be enough to change things in the relationship. I would say plan a day or a weekend, something really special and talk to her about it, by bringing it up lightly in different ways, but not too much at once. Spread out the conversation over special, romantic moments, just to help her understand how you really feel and not see it as an attack. Find a really good book that goes into the importance of sex in relationships and discomfort and shyness and self-esteem in the bedroom.
