Myself and my partner have fallen out. It's more serious than its ever been before and circumstances have lead to a few problems. I can't put into words how much I love him and know he loves me too. I'm respectfully giving him space because I'm more than hopeful and determind to do whatever it takes to give our relationship the best possible chance. Will he see my efforts to respect his needs for space as a commitment to our relationship? I'm worried that not communicating with him at this most crucial time in our life together so far will lead to a permanent break up. I feel so much for him I want to know we've done everything we can to work on things so that we can get back to being as happy as we have been. Am I doing the right thing not contacting him? I feel so helpless and although he knows exactly how I feel about him I'm concerned things will go to far in the opposite direction if I don't keep the lines of communication open. I'm doing the space thing for the good of us. I wouldn't do this for anyone else though I've never done it before its the worst pain in the world I've never felt so in love with anyone and I know whatever happens I Have been Lucky to have experienced such complete love. Whats the best thing i can do? Please discuss....
Likely the feelings are very mutual and you have to trust that. Time will not damage. I'm in the same situation and that's what I have to believe.
I have been in that situation and I would say yes... keep your distance. It's hard but its worth it. Cultivate something for yourself for awhile.
Communication is always a good thing, especially when one heart contacts another. But if you decide to speak to him about the way you feel, you must phrase your feelings in a positive way, a longing, a hope.....never a complaint. Real lovers don't complain....they seek enhancement......
Thanks so much for the comments so far. At the moment I feel that I will respect his needs I know he doesn't think I can as I have text him when the hurt gets too much. But I am going to try really hard to do this for the future of the most important adult relationship of my life so far. The only thing I struggle with is that every now and then the thought pops into my brain that surely if she loves me as I do him and believes in us why does he not make me know that by trying compromising. I will not contact him today! Fingers crossed things will change for the better soon. Thanks guys. X
i am sorry to hear that you have problems in your relationship. i think that communication is really important, but if he really needs space right now you are doing the right thing by giving him space, even though it's hard. hopefully he will appreciate what you are doing for him, and things will work out soon. i don't know why he needs his space, so as for the thought you are having about him not trying to compromise, i can only guess that maybe as you said, he doesn't think that you can respect his needs and he needs to see that you can? i hope it all works out for you
We've had some difficult circumstances to deal with recently. Joint unemployment has meant that we have been together all of the time.a lost of gumption ( for want of a better word) due to feeling fed up and having no money to go out has lead to a breakdown in our social lives due to family circumstances, along with not seeing our friends. Cos we or they haven't made much effort. We have just lost faith in many things society, friendships, the economy and as the employment situation is so bad at the moment it's hard to stay focused. I'm guilty of trying to hard and I think he feels smothered to be honest. I'm sure he loves mr very much as I do him. And hopefully it's been because we've been on top of eachother everyday since November. We have only had eachother to vent our frustrations at. Hopefully he has the faith in us that I do and realises that although I got it wrong I only try to do things to make him happy. I've learnt share life lesson and the flaws I have will be addressed he knows that I've got to hope that he gives us the chance we deserve. The. We can get back to how we were. I'm hoping that he sees that his reactions to things could have been dealt with in a better way. That my hopes of one last chance are granted and that he see's that we are the force to be reckoned with that I know we are. Wish I could sleep every minute away til I know that. But I'm stronger than I ever been before and I'm looking forward to hearing from him. I've been doing stuff for that I have been neglecting in recent months. It's given me the chance to evaluate myself already what a wake up call!! Fingers crossed. x
We've made an effort to meet to talk 3 times this week. Him leaving for so long when I thought he would have just needed a few hours or a day or two at the most, and feeling like he believed in our relationship enough to want to work through our problems, then feeling he has given up too easy lead me to end up being an over emotional wreck on the first two occasions. On the third meeting and after reaching the conclusion that he wouldn't want to come home to what must have seemed like an unstable moron. I picked myself up and decided to just show a stronger more natural and supportive me. We were friendly, more relaxed and more like the good bits of what we were. He has said he wants to find work before he moves back in,this could take up to a year with the current employment situation as it is now in our area. We are both currently unemployed. This was the main factor causing the problems that had lead to our difficult time. Depression and lack of money and drive to Persue friends, hobbies and a social life meant that we were on top of one another all of the time. This has made me realise I have loved him too much, in my own way doing things to help make his life that bit nicer, easier so that he could just do things that would make him happy. In the beginning we chose to spend most of our time together as we were exststically happy. There have been all sorts of things that we have had to face that have meant that at times we were all each other had. I did cling not wanting to lose us as well. But I've smothered him. I've realized that I where I went wrong and I have declared that if we ce back together to enjoy the good bits he would see the positive changes and a more independent life for us as individuals. I've applied for numerous jobs this wel and have a new understanding of what needs to be done along with a new determination. I've asked that he have the time. But have said that I think we deserve one last chance to work on things together and that I can't show him how good it can be without a chance to prove it. I asked how he would describe our relationship status. I would say we are in a relationship but having space and a bad patch.he described us as split up but working on getting back together. I have in private sobbed feeling we didn't mean enough to him or mean I thought we did to him. I wake up because the bed is cold realise I can't hear him snoring and that's me for the night. I'm getting ready to see him later this morning I will be the person he misses.I want him to be happy more than anything and would hate for him to come back for the wrong reasons which would lead to more hurting for both of us. Any oppinions or advice anyone could give would be really helpful I've never had to be so strong but never felt so hurt. Sorry I know it's a jumbled mess. X
Just met up things seemed good between us. Friendly we went to an appointment and joined the library. I asked him if we could still be a couple taking things slow at his pace instead of being 'split up' I said we can just not live together for Now and that way we can enjoy something rather than feel in limbo. He agreed to that but did say he wonders why it's important that I need to know that. I thought it would be obvious and I think his response thinks he's not sure. I know it might seem like a humiliating thing to have asked but I did. I can do space thing if I think he thinks of us as a couple taking steps to get closer again. He left after about an hour and a half he is spending the weekend with his sons and reading his library books. I will see him again when he asks to see me. Uuuuffff!! :-( Honest comments am I playing this right?
It's very evident to me that this new situation is too unpredictable. You don't know when you'll see him, when he'll decide, and you find yourself waiting and wondering. Then your attempts to set things up more aren't met with the kind of reaction that encourage the relationship forward. You feel insecure about it all, and he sees that you're insecure. It makes you feel worse, and he is probably not as attracted. It's a vicious cycle. I can see and feel the pain. You want control so much, and it seems to be getting more and more out of your reach. There's hardly any advice that is going to help. The only perspective I can give is that there's only YOU and HIM. Try and not give life to that 3rd "person".....the situation. That's probably hard to understand. It means that the unknown is a hugely dominant variable right now. Try to take it out of the equation, and address only what you know.
Well thanks. I know I love him very I want him to be happy and will support that however it turns out. He's lovely to me now but still more friendly than loving. I know he loves me. There have been things he wants to work on. Spending time on himself for a while. I am hoping for a future is that as awesome as we were knocks. The socks off the first chapter. But if him being happy doesn't involve then as hard as it will I will respect that. I know We'l always have a very strong connection and we have love in our hearts(maybe at varying degrees at the moment) but regardless I know we have had something that people sometimes can wait a lifetime for without being as blessed as we have been. I know you mean about waiting and not able to do anything except trust he feels it too. and I want to be sure he remembers all the reasons why we shouldn't end but I'm not so selfish as to have him unhappy. and want him to take the time to do what's right for him. Hopefully we will be but either way il treasure it. It's just hard at my end going from what we had to what there is now I'm just over a week. My family miss him too and We miss his sons. What's meant to be will be. But il always be there in whatever capacity for him knowing him enriched my life greatly. Thanks for reply.
I am spending my time productively though. Only the first few days I was just waiting for the front door to be opened by him. But we are taking steps to improve our lives as individuals and as a couple so that we are better all round should we come together as before for more adventures we will have everything that's amazing.
I'm really sorry that this is happening to you. I dislike saying this,but in my experience ,when someone needs 'SPACE',it usually means that the relationship is pretty much done,except for perhaps being friends. If not today--maybe tomorrow. I've seen it time and again. If one person 'wants' and the other one is not sure---------?? I hope I'm soooo wrong about this. Take care. I know I didn't help,but you must be ready--just in case.
I know I've already thought of that . I asked him if this was just a more gentle way of ending us. I've heard the space before too. Having said that I don't doubt his love. However we have had difficult circumstances and at the moment he is making changes to himself. Educating himself, quitting bad habits and a fitness programme. Having to fend for himself a bit more and spending time with his brother will all be helping him right now. I too am working on the things I have neglected. The once driven person that I was was lost for a time. Not relationship with my children and him wise but other areas of my life friends hobbies. I did things to be kind or to to take away stress's so he could just be but that wasnt right. He saw my efforts ad smothering he was right about that but after spending a long time when I was in my previous relationship miserable and knowing there was much more out there the very thing I found in this relationship I didn't take it for granted and cared for it. Sometimes a little too much on his eyes.I loved spending time with him our home was atleast somewhere I longed to be with someone I was glad,proud and lucky to have found to share mine and my children's home with. I hope one day he sees that my efforts were only meant well and that I wanted him to always know and feel loved. Time will tell. Maybe he will realise that the self improvements he has been working on can be transferred to us living at home together successfully as can mine. I feel we should work together working through things to enrich our relationship. There is a greater passion for this in me and from his side. But he been known to give up easily before in certain circumstances and then later admitted he should have tried harder. Part of me sometimes thinks there must be more to it and that he feels he can't tell me. Or maybe he is cultivating a new something and Is waiting to see if it grows. I will spend time and il know more as time goes on. He is very closed off at the moment and I'm reluctant to push at a time when his ability to deal with Things maybe compromised. It's just been such a quick change. And I thought we would both feel that we could work through our problems together in the comfort of our home. I feel cheated out of my 'another chance' wanting to put into practice what I've learned the hard way this last most difficult week of my life so far. Its worth it though. If its productive for the people concerned.We'l see what happens. I know these posts are huge and probably could be worded better by the way. I don't really tell anyone's have never been through anything even similar and to be honest the friends I have confided in think he's taking the p***. I have to give him time. Id always feel regret if I didn't do everything I could to support him if this space is truly for his own health and wellbeing. And I have to trust the love I know he has I'm his heart. As time goes on We'l know.
