The Double Standard Hurts Me

You know the sexual double standard, he's a stud, she's a slut. It really really hurts me and gets to me. It makes life suck. It makes me crave sex even more since people are saying I don't have a human right to have it. It just makes me want to have sex even more to distract myself from the voices in my head criticizing me, harassing me, humiliating me, psychoanalyzing me, interrogating me. It makes me afraid of people, afraid to interact with them and meet new people. It affects my ability to find work.

I don't know what to do. Please help.

 

I've always felt that way as well. So much so that I'm actually quite shy when it somes to making the initial approach for sexual activity. However, I've also been pretty fortunate in getting together with partners who are sexually liberated. Even losing my virginity was a result of my being molested by a nymphomaniac twice my age.

In general it tends to be the older women who are more liberated sexually, which suits me fine. They have sexual desires just as much as anyone else, and I'm happy to help satisfy those desires.

 

The same double standard also hurts me as a man. It`s been psychologically damaging to me that women do not act on or openly disclose their sexual desire for me because that`s supposedly the man`s job.

You are not alone. Not while I`m around. I would love nothing else than to meet more women who actively pursue having sex with me.

Women`s feigned sexual disinterest has affected my productivity, self-esteem and health throughout my life.

 

the double standard doesnt really exist. sure, other guys might think your a stud for fucking a lot of girls but other girls just call you a man whore and steer clear. Ive cost myself some potentially really amazing relationships because word got around, girls dont want a slut any more then a guy wants a slut (personally im cool with a slut as long as shes not a cheater, but most people arent). so yeah, grass isnt always greener

 

Absolutely. The gender double standard is closely intertwined with mandatory monogamy, IMO.

 

Sex has been an area of great discomfort for me.. not the act itself but all that comes along with it and for myself I feel it wiser to maintain abstinence and live according to how I really want to be treating myself and others.

I guess I mainly focus on my own inner dramas.. mind's games and such and try to maintain a level of peace.. and not so much the balogna that takes place outside.

 

It's good to know that you weren't being cruel and sarcastic. It's good to know that I'm not alone.

I think you should be very gentle with yourself. Sexual freedom is a human right and we have both had our human rights violated. Sex is one of the greatest experiences on this godforsaken planet and we have been robbed.

Take it easy. It's not your fault.

 

Thanks a lot, baby. You are a glimmer of hope to me.

 

That double standard is simply outdated. It dates back to the days when women didn't work and couldn't be financially independent. Back then there were 2 types of women in our society :
- the housewives, who had to be prudish (sex basically only meaning procreation)
- and the wh*res, who were obviously not relationship-material.
Men brought home the bacon, so they were allowed to have a rich sex life with wh*res outside of their homes. (see "Mad Men" for more on those glorious days when men ruled the world and women got inexplicably depressed)
Then a sexual revolution happened, but the double standard remained.

Personally i don't feel like a slut because i have a sex life without being in a committed relationship, and i don't care what people think. U shouldn't either. I seriously don't need a man to buy me stuff, i just buy better stuff on my own and with my own money, so i am not their wh*re.
Anyway, even if u were a virgin and never trying to get laid, people would still have something mean to say about u, so u might as well do what u like.

 

It's horrible, I agree that it can go both ways too, but it does seem to be the women who get it more commonly.

An ex of mine had slept with 200+ women, it did put me off but I let it slide and we had a good relationship. When we split and I met someone else, my ex was calling me all sorts, including a slut despite the fact my 'numbers' were in single digits and his were in triple. He said 'A key that fits many locks is a good key but a lock that fits many keys is a bad lock'...

 

how classy :frown:

 

Whilst its true this double standard exists, is it more the case that women are far more likely to be judged/gossiped about/bullied by other women? I wouldn't be surprised if the whole "slut" thing was more a form of peer pressure by other women. When men use the word slut its probably just bitterness and they are using it to mean "a women who is sexually open but won't sleep with me" rather than moral dissaproval.

Personally, I say "go for it and have fun!" to all you "sluts". As an open minded poly guy I love it when women have the bravery to be open and direct about an interest, its refreshing and a real turn on.

 

You are damned if you do and damned if ya don't!!!

Seriously don't give a fuck about what other people say, are you living life for them no, just yourself then go have fun.

And most of the time it is fellow women who are the worst for the slut remark and such. Half the time it's jealousy they wish they could be like that too.

 

^Quote of the day!!

 

qft

----------

Oh, yeah! And, what I love most is people who use STDs to rationalize their hatred of people who have more sex than them. If it weren`t for STDs, I don`t think these people could live with themselves.

 

I think the OP should spend some time with some folks that are a bit more sexually open. Or even just open minded.

Personally I love (what society likes to call) sluts. A confident sexually liberated woman is the biggest turn on for me. And I know I'm not speaking only for myself.

Get out and enjoy life. Take a swim outside your comfort zone. If people wanna judge let them judge....they are just jealous because they aren't livin'. You will find that no matter how freaky you get.....there are tons of people a lot freakier than you. Just play safe and spread your wings.

 

they're just voices in your head. let em be. also just as important, don't bother with trying to fix or mend them with more insecure thought patterns. after all, 'you' or your identity is closer to the listener of said voices. the aware being behind it all so to speak. accept that all minds and egos are criticizing and at times negative in nature and just move on with your life. you may find through time, you will get better and better @ just letting those voices 'just be.'

Be a 'slut' (have lots of sex) if ya wanna, just be safe tho, ya?

 

Yep, its a double standard, its unfair, and it sucks. Just ignore people that try to judge you, their problem. If I'm a slut then I'm happy being one .

 

I think a lot of it depends on the people your around.
I dont sleep with a million guys, but I have no problem sleeping with a guy the day I meet him. Usually it because I intend to do it again though. Ive had a 7+ year relationship that started as random drunken sex. To me it was never a big deal.
I just recently for the first time had someone judge me for sleeping with them on the 3rd date. It almost blew my mind because I had never really experienced it before. At first I was upset but then I realized its not worth it.

Bottom line is you are who you are and you need to surround yourself with people that are ok with that, the rest of em don't matter.

 

Hit the nail on the head^

 

I am single, unattached & on the whole I live my life with one-off, no strings attached sexual encounters. However, on the occasions when I have been in relationships I have remained true to my partners, just as I have expected them to remain true to me.