How to make the pain stop...

Other than suicide......I mean I am trying very hard to keep going and all, but what the hell is the point if I'm just going to feel like crap all the time? I smoke weed which helps some, and I hate to say it but it's just not cutting it anymore. Maybe I am just not smoking enough but I am too broke to smoke more so I don't have much choice unless I can find a job or some other means of income. I don't really want to drink very much anymore though I have been a regular drinker for quite some time...but I've kinda lost my taste for alcohol so I only want to drink it on rare occasions now.

 

Turn on, tune in, drop out.

 

how old are you

 

22, and I should probably be all enthusiastic about life.....but I feel dead inside. So its kind of hard to enthusiastic about anything at all.

 

Hopefully you mean turn the music on, tune in and drop out...because if you mean T.V hell no, the commercials just kill brain cells probably.

 

I meant drop some LSD or ALD52 (orange sunshine.)

 

If I could afford some LSD I would get some, but its probably going to be a while before I can do that. I think I need a good trip though to escape all this stupid bullcrap holding me back.

 

Maybe weed isn't really doing what you think its doing for you.

You haven't mentioned in any way how you feel...what exactly is going on?

All you've mentioned is that smoking and drinking isn't working for you...

What else isn't working? What is working?

Are you really willing to get a job just to afford weed? Can you see how you are limiting your purpose in life by thinking in such limited terms? What do you want?

You have to get specific to be able to solve your problems.

 

and why are you drinking and smoking if it does nothing for you?

 

Drinking stopped doing anything for me because I got too high of a tolerance so I've cut down I drank some tonight but I doubt I will drink again this week and maybe not even next week....cannabis helps some, but sometimes it just doesn't seem to be enough, but its certainly better than nothing.

And what else hasn't worked is trying to supress things, going to therapy, attempting suicide, going to college, trying to find work and pretty much everything I've attempted. I want the weed to kill the pain and the way to get weed is to afford it I just don't see how I am supposed to continue on with life without some relief. I mean the main problem with cannabis is not being able to continously afford it..but when I do have it, it works quite well.

It also helps mellow me out so I don't freak the hell out on people or anything.

 

Okay but what happens when you need more and more...you're 22...you don't need anything to suppress your pain, you need to learn to deal with it. You're eventually going to have to anyway. I know people who smoke pot all the time and it does not stop them from freaking out on people. There's only so long and so much that it can do...there is a reason you're feeling the things you're feeling and you need to take it seriously and find a healthy way of getting it out, rather than trying to numb yourself to it, its only going to get worse the longer you suppress it.

There are other ways to find relief. Take a trip...go camping...let go of your stresses for awhile and get a new perspective. If you're attempting things you don't want to do, of course you're going to have a difficult time sticking with it.

Expand your mind and find out what you really want from your life.

 

Well then I need more and more when that time comes, otherwise I don't have relief...and if its too much for me to deal with what then. I just wait till I have a mental breakdown and get put in a psych ward?

And cannabis is what relaxes me enough to get some relief out of activites like camping or other things otherwise I just end up all stressed and then I bring everyone else down. And I have no idea where to even start with what I want in life.

 

Go camping by yourself. It sounds to me like a lot of your problem is in how you feel you're relating to other people, what you're doing and how other people are viewing that...

Don't know where to start...well start anywhere. Use your imagination and just start thinking. Don't think about how you're going to get there, how hard it might be...just think about what you want. Write down a list of all the things that come to mind. Sit on that for awhile.

Then you think about why you want those things...what could you get out of it at the core of your being...what could you give to it from your core?

Sit on that for awhile.

Then you think about those things you want, and your core strengths and core needs and think about what you have and where your at and how you're contributing to or taking away from your core strengths and needs. You think about how where you're at is positioning you to move to the next step.

When I went through a similar situation...I just started trying to simplify my life. I started thinking about what really made me happy, what really made me sad, just being very slow and observant and deleting things that made me feel like crap...experimenting with things and despite what anyone else said doing the things that made me feel good. I decided there was nothing more important than my mental health.

I spent my time writing, listening to music, nature walks, being creative and staying away from most people so I could fully connect to myself. I didn't tell anyone with a personal pull in on my plan. I actually shared only with people who shared with me and understood what I was going through. I found those people on this website.

I discovered who I really was, what I really wanted and learned how to eliminate the stress related to other people's expectations and my own.

I didn't have the luxury of pot or alcohol...I figured I could get high naturally if I found the right activities. You probably will need an alternate consciousness to tap into this, but there are tons of ways to do that.

Strenuous exercise, meditation, road trips/camping, art/creativity, activism, nutritional cleanses, fasting, etc.

 

Well I only know one place I could camp and its probably not even legal, but I don't have a vehicle to really go very far to camp and the loneliness of being alone would get to me...so I think I'd prefer to have at least one person with me.

And I guess it would be easier if I actually had some idea of what I would want in life, but nothing really comes to mind. It would probably not be a bad thing to figure out and I suppose some of that is worth a try though....though last road trip I was on was absolute hell and I am probably too underweight for fasting and probably too much strenuous excercise though I do have to walk a lot since I take the bus and walk places unless people give me a ride.

 

Walking is great. Go off the beaten path...seriously solitude is important, especially with the way you're feeling. Get comfortable being by yourself. It doesn't sound like any of your relationships are positive, so come to your own sense of contentment before you engage yourself with other people's energy.

I really wouldn't worry about whether its legal or not...is is doable, are you likely to get caught if you're just chilling, quietly?

 

Well I do have some positive relationships, but a lot of unpositive ones to. And sometimes I am comfortable by myself but if I am for too long then It gets kind of weird I see your point though it is kind of good to get away from everyone else's energy at times. Also I haven't been caught yet but even if I do that's better then hiding in my room all day or something.