confused and scared

So newbie here but goes. I'm 25 but ever since i was 17 i've been having feelings for women. I've been trying to figure out if i had feelings for them in childhood and apart from being an avid reader of the femslash...i dont know know. Anyway when i was about 17 i found the lesbian version of the karma sutra. and while looking through it i got aroused. i actually didnt think much of it since i had a crush on Ian Thorpe at he time. But after that I kept wondering and imagining if i did want to do things with women. Like At first it wasnt even attration it was like id be in my head doing things with them. Then i like started to develop crushes on girls i thought were pretty or whom i was friends with. y know? Except there was this one teacher who was pretty butch who i probably developed alesbian crush on. And the trend of developing lesbian crushes on teachers continues. like butterflies and everthing. It doesnt mean i havent had them with men though. Just they've been few and far between. Yesterday i was all for saying "fuck it i'm gay" but this guy walked in who although married i've kind of always had a crush on and those feelings came rushing back. Like I have probably had "kiss her" moment more times than i can ount but this was different. Like ....idek.
What worries me is not that im gay but also my entire hetrosexual lfe has been a lie. Also what's weirding me out is whenever i fancy someone and they have a girlfriend? i start having feelings for her too. Does that make any scence?

 

if you develop feelings for both males and females then you're probably bi. in fact, almost nobody's 100% gay or straight, it's just how we are. and rediscovering your sexuality dosn't make your entire life previous a lie, you still lived it and those events shaped who you are. feel free to explore you new sexuality, it's nothing to be afraid of

 

WI should also say that i feel like my feelings for men have gone way down i dont know that i want a relationship with a woman yesterday i didnt but today i do. The thing is im worried that its just denial thats making me cling to "im bi" you know? But i cant shake the feeling that my feelings for men will never be gone.

 

I always found the Ian Thorpe thing bizarre, guy is as gay as they come, I guarantee it, the only reason he's not out as it were is cos of sponsorship deals.....well that an Australia is full of Bogans. Its more of a case most think he is, but dont say anything till he says it out loud

So not only would I say that doesnt mean anything, would say its reinforcing. Its probably his feminine side that got to you, or sweet or cute, he does have a killer smile, even with that huge honking nose


I have a girl crush on Michelle Rodriguez, the only reason I sat through Battle of Los Angeles, I'm not going to fantasize about sharing bodily fluids with her. But she has the right mix of androgyny, angry guy eyes on a pretty relatively non curvy girl - too make her really cool. Having that he/she is so cool crush different to just pinning over someone or not being able to stop touching yourself thinking about someone kind of crush

 

heh funnily enough the metrosexual extreme campness turned me off. What got me attracted to him was a pic where he was at a press conference being the athelte and all rugged and manly.

Yesterday though......I saw this girl (actually all I saw was her back and I got the realisation she was blonde. And I got a head to toe full kinda hot sweat...I'm guessing its arousal or attraction because I've it with men and woman mostly (not always since you know mostly women give me this) And the last time I had it with a man was like 3-4 months ago. That's why I'm honestly convinced I'm gay.

Does anyone else/ has anyone else felt this way?

 

Astute Observation...:coffee:



Cheers Glen.

 

Crushes on your teachers. Is that cos they are in a position of trust, authority or cos its taboo. What type are they, just the butch one you mentioned or homely types. or cougar types. And what kind of crushes? Lovey Dovey ones, or you want to do nasty things to them, or you want them to do nasty things to you?

That was all rhetorical just pointing out that just on your Crushes with teachers there are a dozen different variations.

So does anyone else feel THIS way, I assume you are going to want the feedback mostly from bi girls your age, which you wont have much luck with, but even if you did

And say for argument sake you are a girl that has lovey dovey crushes on butch teachers and you try talk to another bi girl your age that has fantasies about doing nasty things to homely submissive type teachers. Then its going to be fairly useless

So Does anyone else feel the way YOU do, no. And you'd have to actually work out you before anyone else can.


A crush on your butch teacher. What is that?, do you think more of hanging out at trendy places together, the markets, coffee shops, she's a teacher so you can talk for hurs about really good books to read. Or is it all thoughts about her talking you into the bedroom and being nasty

You see a guy you 'fancy', how quickly does it pop into your head "Oh, I wonder what his girlfriend looks like?" And is it usually the same type of guy cos you pretty much know what type of girlfriend he has before you've even met her

You see a pretty blonde girl with her boyfriend, just the tall ones or the short ones, do you think more about rescuing her from her boyfriend, being the protector, arm over her shoulder or think about taking her into the bedroom and treating her bad or more like non related sisters brushing her hair, being sweet, kisses and cuddles

That is what is the relationship version, what is the horny version. If they are very different things. Thats the source of the confusion. They can be both the same sex and its just as confusing

Even the manly version of Ian Thorpe as a swimmer with shaven chest, smooth body, pretty eyes and sweet smile still comes off less butch than Stephanie Rice especially when she opens her mouth, the way she carries on. She would be more of a man in the bedroom

 

I'm going to try and answer your questions to the best of my ability. I'm also very drunk. The headmistress ( and wow isn't that significant) fantasies were only on my radar after the lesbian karma sutra moment and even then while I wanted to dance with her at the end of year prom/. It was mostly curiousity to see what would happen. When I then thought about doing things with other girls they were..just there.....when I started having relationshipy feelings it was with girls I already thought were beautiful, especially the one friend I thought was so beautiful that any man who was with me would go to her once they saw her. I wanted to be just like her. Or I wanted her/ Maybe? i don't know. She's actually quite annoying and she's more of a related sister to me anyway. I don't know am I making excuses? Maybe. But I haven't thought of her in ages.

Anway it started off like that girls who I wanted to be. I idolised them and I wanted their figure or to look like them. Did i want to impress them sure maybe. That came later when and it's started to develop into that relationshipy stuff. The things is I fancy men in the public eye and celebrities and when those men are single I fantasise about them no problem....it's when i find out they have a girlfriend that I start fantasising about her as well. I don't actually want to know what she looks like. Does that make any sence?

Like my current male crush is blond and his long time lover is like the splitting image of him and she's only 4 years older than and I have to (grudgingly) admit that they look too much alike for them to break up. But I don't do if I want him because I fancy her. Or her because I fancy him. *is confuzzled*

 

I mean obviously I have deep issues to deal but when a pretty girl makes my skin tingle and my hair stand up on end on doesn't that I'm on some level more attracted to her? She had epic charisma but I didn't want to be with her. I just wanted like back in her light or whatever. I just don't want to be hurt by men. Like sometimes in my fantasies I either go towards women (incidently the women are sometimes though not always the women the men gone to be with)or men after I've been hurt and IDK I don't trust men. And the girl yesterday reminded me of Kate Beckinsale....who reminds me of Christian Bale but that's another story

 

hello? Is there anyone out there. Cause when I'm drunk it really feels like I'm Bi but when I'm sobering up...not so much....

 

if it's only when you're drunk then you might just be a slutty drunk... it happens...

 

Well, ummm yeah.

Have to admit, once you uttered:

Thought to myself, well look at that GlenGlen was right :coffee:


Means a completely different thing in a competitive sense, but you didnt mean it that way, hurt cos they dont stick around?

So that would be the main thing you have to work out. And a I said variations on variations no one can really work out you

 

I don't trust that they want me for me and not just for sex. i don't trust that i will ever be first i don't. and what did glen glen say? And umm When I'm drunk I'm hurting because in my head I'm imagining being hurt by guys

 

More to the "Am I gay or Bi?" (Sorry for spamming) Thinking about it I'm trying to figure out if those crushes on girls were sexual or not. When my girl crush on the one I felt inferior to happened and she was talking about a bad break up and she went "i just want to loved" it hurt (well it hurts me now) I thought "I'd love you" I didn't say it though, and I didn't want to kiss her or actually get angry when she talked about how he's hurt her. but I did feel safe when staying over with her. We slept in the same bed and it was nice and safe. I wanted her to hold....which probably says a lot.

Part of me wants my white knight to come along and save me, but Idk maybe cause i don't trust men.....can sexuality change with where you are emotionally??? I don't know if I'm gay or bi but what does this sound like??? I dont't fantasize about women the way I do about men....At least I don't think i do.

 

All Men? I can think of at least two categories that arent going to want you for sex. And a third category, the ones you get near and all you think of is sex.

You have to be careful of that, it always works in both directions.

So, the confused part is that you are not really sure, cant make up your mind. No one else is going to be able to make up your mind for you.

Everyone goes through something like this in one way or the other. Safe is nice but its not exciting. The ones that want me I dont want and the ones I want dont want me

More about what he didnt say

 

I've begun trying to imagine dating a woman. And it's nice It could work, out if feels good. But why doesn't feel as easy to imagine as say being with one of my male crushes. Is this all part of the denial? It's just easier? Because for so long to be with a guy was all I really wanted.

i just don't want to feel like it's denial that making me use my celeb crushes as proof that I'm not a total six you know?

 

I dont know what it is. I just want tofind a guy to lead me down the path so I can find out for my-self.

 

So when I get crushes on girls I see at work it's mostly situational? I guess? Because I see girls but i don't feel sexually attracted to them. Actually I feel *something* and a bit sacred and tingly in my arms and want to touch them which......would imply that yes there is a sexual attraction but when I think about asking them out....it happens I can imagine it but it's not the same as asking guy out.

 

So continuing with the whole "They're girls at work," that I have crush on...how do you tell the difference between a platonic girl crush and an actually sexual crush...because it might be sexual, it might be ( okay it probably is) but I don't feel good around her. Or maybe I'm just freaked out that I have an actual crush on a girl instead of thinking girls are hot

 

At the risk of sounding insensitive, I'm trying to understand why this is a problem. You feel what you feel. I don't see the need to label it or angst about it.