Bad experience with friends (advice)

My partner and I are affectionate towards each other when were with friends. We don't make out on the couch or anything but we do hold hands some and if we watch a movie together or something its not unusual for me to rest my head against her or something like that. That kinda stuff. My friends all know about us and even refer to us a adorable and all that. Basically we're just used to being open around them so when one of my straight guy friends brought his new girlfriend over for a movie night it never occurred to me to be subtle about it. Gabby, my partner, had to go to work that night so after all of us, including the new girl, had a wonderful night of chatting and joking around Gabby had to go so I walked her to the door, we exchanged I love yous and kissed and hugged, you know typical married couple about to part for a while stuff. Anyway she left and I went back to my chair. The new girl was gawking at me and without any kind of warning said "You're a fucking dyke?"

I was so shocked by this comment I froze on the spot and everyone in the room just gasped. I mean I assumed she knew and was ok with it but hearing her use that word I felt like she had thrust a knife into my chest. I left the gathering without saying a word and went home where I cried for hours. I've never been really strong and slurs hurt me every time I hear them. This one coming from someone I thought was a new friend only made it worse. Gabby has basically said she is going to kick that girls ass if she ever sees her again and my straight male friend has called me several times to apologize. Apparently they broke up because of that after I left. Not sure how guilty about that part I feel.

Here's my dilemma. I don't know if I should blame him or not. He is one of my oldest friends. He should have known right? I mean isn't that something you find out before dating a person? I don't know what to do now and Gabby is so angry about it she just talks about kicking crotches and other stuff that wouldn't really help. Shes a bit of the tough girl at times if you know what I mean. I need to get some advice elsewhere. From someone unbiased.

 

please dont blame your friend, you said that it was a new girlfriend that he brought over, he obviously didnt realise that she had prejudices, it does take time to get to know a new person, hes very likely feeling bad that you were hurt by her comment and outburst. sounds to me like hes a true good friend and don't feel guilt that theyve broke up, hes been done a favour by the sounds of it, she's out of his life and yours too.

 

I agree.

And I hope your wife isn't angry at the guy friend. If she is, then try to explain what Alwayscrackers said up there to her, or just give it time and she'll just get over it.

 

your both right. Gabby is a volcano at him right now but she is a bit overprotective of me at times mainly because of how my parents treated me when i came out to them. They didnt go to our wedding Anyway I think at the very least I need to give her some time to calm down first lol. I'll probably give him a call in a few days.

 

Good! I hope things go well!
Btw, my gf can be that way sometimes, but I think it's because of who I am and my nature lol

 

It's great having someone like that but it can cause problems sometimes

 

Since he's your friend and he's okay with you and your gf being gay, I wouldn't blame him. People who are connected with someone who is gay, friend, family member... anything and are okay with it, probably wouldn't hang around someone who is homophobic. He broke up with her because you are more important to him than his new girlfriend. Don't feel guilty about it. Nothing to be guilty over, we've all been there. People who we think to be good people turn out homophobic and it's a shocker and even a bummer but hopefully she'll learn now that she's been dumped for it.

 

Your friend accepts you.

He accepts you to the point that when he discovered his new girlfriend didn't, creating a confict in which he had to choose betwen you and her, he chose you.

That should tell you something about how good a friend he is.

It was the girlfrind, not him, that said the things that hurt you ... and he obviously didn't know that would be her attitude, and was shocked to discover it.

Really, there is nothign HE ought to be apologising for ... and there is nothign he should need to be forgiven for.

So I'd sy thank him for apologising, tell him it wasn't his fault and he really doesn't need to apologise, and let it go at that.

 

That is a cute anime girl pic there BeachBall. And I pretty much have already decided to talk to him. I just got to get my partner out of her anger about it. She's start to chill about it so that shouldn't take too much longer. She's emotional at times.