Ego crisis...is he out of my league?

I just started double dating with my boyfriend's best friend and his new girlfriend. I really like the girl, but she's nonstop telling me how amazing my boyfriend is at everything. "Oh my god, he's so cute, oh my god that picture looks like he could be a model!" and when we were playing Guitar Hero they forced me to sing even though I was deathly afraid of doing so because I didn't think I was any good. I passed the song, and no one really said anything. Then he went (and he wasn't good) but she was going "oh my god you sing so beautiful!" and she mentioned it again today when they came over and I'm like god, what am I, chopped liver?

I'm his first real girlfriend, and he's a bit of a geek and also big (more solid than fat) but suddenly I'm thinking, is he the more attractive/talented one? It's really making me feel more insecure than I already am. I mean, what if he gets a swelled ego and thinks he can do better? This is really bothering me but I don't think he'll understand if I talk to him about it.

 

Oh hon...I've known gals like that. She'd probably screw him in the next room beside you if she got the chance. For her to just blatantly ignore you when she, as the "other female" should be talking to you instead of GUSHING over YOUR dude shows me she is just a rude ass, and not even trying to hide how she is. Your boyfriend's best friend best watch out with this one.

Secondly, HELL NO - he is NOT out of your league. You are talented, eloquent and have good taste (we're friends! ). I wouldn't waste time talking to him simply because men, especially younger men, are usually blind to stuff like this unless she were to actually stick her hand down his pants and TELL him she wanted it. Just know what she is...and watch her. I hate to say it, but you might want in turn to compliment (but not GUSH, like it sounds that she does) her boyfriend when she starts with your dude. See how everybody likes that.

 

:iagree:

 

It's just that, she's not rude to me at all. She does also chat with me but the constant complimenting makes me uncomfortable. I'm not worried about him cheating. It's just all making me feel like he's better than me and I should be lucky to have him and I'm just nothing special.

Thanks for the kind words though. I probably won't mention it to him. Only, he can tell in a second if something is bothering me and he won't stop asking until I tell him. What do I do?

 

She wants to fuck him... Sorry but as a guy, it's obvious.

 

If that's true then that really fucking sucks. I'm going to have to just deal with it because if I say something to my boyfriend he'll just call me paranoid and it'll be a fight.

 

Just a thought [I do have one,occasionally] regarding this girl.

Is it just possible that she's actually got very FEW friends,and is overdoing it coz she IS the 'noob' and is just a bit frightened that she may go back to that state if she doesn't ingratiate herself to you all?

Not saying that's the case-but please-don't convict her until the situation has been explained to her...after all,she may be horrified at what she's done without realising.

 

I agree. I mean two people are telling me she's probably a slut but I can't help but find it hard to believe. My boyfriend and his best friend have been just that since middle school and we're all 20 now. I've been around for the past two years. This girl has been with the best friend for a grand total of three months. I've been told she's very sensitive and she seems friendly so maybe she's just wanting to get close to us as friends. My boyfriend's friend tells us she is always talking about how nice we are, and they've been coming around to hang out with us quite a lot lately. I'm honestly not worried about her trying to fuck my boyfriend. First of all, I know my boyfriend wouldn't go for it and he'd tell his friend immediately. But the complimenting and possible flirting would go right over his head. He, just like me, has low self esteem and won't believe anyone was flirting with him.

I'm just feeling insecure about myself lately. I let myself be embarrassed for nothing (my singing), and she's complimented his looks about 50 times while the only thing she said about me was that she liked my curly hair. It all kind of ties into the fact that things are going great for him right now with his job, about to get a promotion and being gone a lot because he has more hours. So with him not home a lot I'm here struggling to find my own job and I have really nothing going for me right now. Why would he want to be with someone who's such a mess?

On top of all that, I feel really guilty that things going well for him make me upset. I want to be happy for him, I just wish that things were going well for me too.

 

I can pretty much guarantee you sound better than you think you do. Let me channel my inner prick for a moment and say a chic singing anything, even badly still sounds better than nagging

The girl you described sounds overly clucky, and if she is actually nice to you, It doesnt really mean anything. Unless she doesnt start having her boyfriends babies soon

This would describe the kind of girl you actually have to watch out for, but if its sex they want first, before a baby or boyfriend. You are never going to see them, they arent going to bother about making the move in front of the girlfriend or anyone else.

But thats not what you are really worried about.

I can remember back to the way you were talking about your mum and fake complaining about having to look after your sisters kid too much, even though you felt he was better off in your care

You can play on those insecurities all you want, fake the humility. But if it is long term with this guy, and he wants a family, why he is going to stick with you is cos he wants you as the mother of his kids, not all this stupid stuff

And when it comes to that, everyone around you does think you are going to be better at it than most, and will think you think you are better than them because of it. You just sound like that type.

The girl you're complaining about probably worries she comes off to desperate and intimidated by you cos you are always the mother figure in each situation even well before you've had your own kids

 

just start hanging out with people who will insult the shit out of him to get his ego in check.

 

I'd be more worried about her than I would be about yourself.

The only thing that alarms me, other than that she sounds like she wants him herself, is that you are even considering this question. You're too smart for that shit. There are no leagues, only people. If he likes you, then you're perfectly good enough.
I think the real question you should be asking is about her.

 

Wow, you've never really said anything nice to me before. But what you said actually does make me feel better. Thanks everyone for making me realize this whole thing is really below me.

You're right :2thumbsup:

 

Sorry if this repeats anything written above, I just am pressed for time at the moment.

1) if she is gushing over your bf and not her bf, that is weird.
2) if she is gushing over him and not paying attention to you that is also weird.

If either or both cases, it would be worth talking to your bf and telling him what your seeing, and seeing if he is seeing the same thing.

but 3) none of this should say anything about you! Be yourself, and see if he develops an ego... if he does than you can decide hat to do... he he doesn't than GREAT!

Just a few quick thoughts

 

See?

READ those highlights,la p;because in them lies the essence of your problem.

You're scared. [and just a TEENY bit selfish,hon]
You HONESTLY think if you don't have a purse full of dollars your man will have his head turned? HONESTLY?

Only you can answer that la p;-upon your answer lies your contentment.

:2thumbsup::love::2thumbsup:

 

Purse full of dollars? What?

 

I did talk to him about it and it wasn't an argument surprisingly. He thought there was no way she was doing anything flirtatious, but if she was, he'd never do anything to hurt me and I'm way more beautiful than she is. He also said she was an airhead.

And to the person who posted last before me, I think I deserve to be a little selfish right now. I just got out of a crappy home situation and I want to be doted on now that I can actually be with the person I love.

 

More, you are high maintenance?

 

I have figured out there are two kinds of people in this world. 1) the kind that get a lot of praise 2) the kind that don't. Sometimes I don't think it's what they do as much as some other variable that isn't as obvious.

I know what you mean about being "chopped liver". I play a lot of tennis, and a friend of mine is constantly getting told how great her shots are, and what a great doubles partner she is. I'm just a body. Ug.

 

Self esteem and self confidence is something that has to come from inside of you and not from what is going on around you. Took me a long time to figure that one out for myself, but when I did and starting living life in a positive way and knowing I am worth it the doors opened up to a whole new world with nothing to hold me back from having what I wanted. You are only as good as you feel, so feel good.

 

Whoa. What if he was the more "attractive/talented one"? Is that like a deal breaker? Does this make you feel somehow less powerful in this relationship with your big/geeky/inexperienced boyfriend?

Please tell me you're not one of these people who is incapable of feeling secure in any kind of relationship, unless you're the one who could always trade up. Listen to me closely - if you don't escape this harmful kind of thinking, you will never, NEVER, achieve any kind of real intimacy with anyone.

As far as the girl is concerned. Maybe she does want your boyfriend. Maybe she sees something in him you don't. It happens. If you really wanted to measure your boy's worth, give him the opportunity to cheat on you. If he does - you'll know he's disloyal and not worth your time. If he doesn't - you'll know he genuinely loves you - if that matters to you at all at this point in your life, but I think someday it might.