My apoligies for the length of this post but it was originally written as a sort of healing thing for myself So firstly a bit of background... I started smoking weed when I was about 11/12 once or twice at the weekends, that soon developed into a bit of thing, smoking most days after school in 1st year(in ireland is equivalant of US Grade 6 I think) sitting around on the cliffs or on the beach giggling at everything. Then one fine October day just after starting 2nd year I discovered the Magic of Mushrooms namely Liberty Caps which grow everywhere in Ireland from October until the 1st frost normally around December, they were AMAZING, me and my group of friends we loved them. The world was just so full of colours and magic and possibilities, we'd run and roll around the fields and dunes giggling maniacally holding hands spinning in circles looking at the clouds and/or stars and dancing with the imps and pixies who came out to play, then we'd sit in a circle and debate the ways of the universe as we felt it pulsing through our minds. They helped me define who I was and turn my life around. I had always been quite shy and socially awkward up until this time, but now I became extremely outgoing, positive and confident. I continued happily taking mushrooms every season at a nice dose of 40-50 mushies most weekends or if I was after a heavy trip 80-100 up until about the age of 17. At the start of that season I had 2 or 3 mildly negative trips and decided I'd give them a break till next year. During this time I'd also started experimenting with a lot of other drugs i.e. LSD, MDMA, MDA, ketamine, methadone, speed, ridiculous amounts of alcohol and of course lots and lots of weed. During the summer that followed I turned 18 and came into a tidy ball of money and as ya do spent it all on alcohol and drugs, good summer!! Now here's where my trouble begins. Start of the season once again an I had a heavy introspective trip of which I came out of holding on to the number 3, I knew I had 3 more bad trips forthcoming each successively worse. These trips were of course true to form whether due to my mindset or mushroom divination. They were extremely dark, riddled with deja-vu and left me with an inability to communicate with ANYone for about a week afterward. It felt like the pixies were exacting there toll for my years of delight and fun and games with them On the 3rd trip shit hit the fan. I went with 3 mates to one of their houses in one of the most Beautiful parts of the country, a broad sweeping valley surrounded by towering heather covered mountains, filled with trees and fields and no-one around for miles. The idea was we'd concoct a brew and stroll up the mountain for sunset. So we started brewing, there was a least a thousand Liberty Caps in the pot bubbling and boiling away, we kept adding more water and condensing it for about ½ an hour and finally let it condense until there was about a shot of thick viscous sludge each, with all the mushroom bits strained out. Knowing this was my third and final trip I was mildly optimistic but somewhat wary considering the amount and I had been out with a flu the last couple o days. Anyway we took our shots and started up the mountain, It Was Breathtaking, there was a huge storm front moving in really fast, taking up half the sky and from half way-up the mountain we could see the whole valley laid-out before us and the shadows from the clouds chasing each other rapidly across the fields making them look alive like they were squirming against each other. Kinda like a David Attenbourough time lapse of a plant growing, except on a huge scale. By now the mushies were jus beginning to take hold and I remember feeling a quite peace and oneness in the face of this awesome force of nature and thinking, hey everythings gonna be grand. So we continued our ascent with the mushies buildin up inside and the weather building up outside with an occasional lightning flicker around us followed by a Boom of thunder. It was the most epic tripping environment possible. After a while (time of course was incalculable) I started to feel queasy and more than a little freaked out by the rapidly deepening darkness inside and out, and began thinking about the cosy glow of the log cabin we'd left behind. I shouted ahead to the lads telling them I was gonna go back. They left me to it and so I made my descent to the cabin. Arriving in the cabin(my mates room next to the family house) I felt briefly safe and then left alone with my hyper-active buzzing brain proceeded to go completely and absolutely Insane. The trip was an intensely introspective stop-motion of being in three locations in his room, curled foetally on the bed blubbering, standing splayed facing the wall screaming, and pacing in circles muttering. There were nine parallel realities speeding through my head of past present and future, I didn't know which stream was mine to slot into. It was like nine lives with all their memories thoughts and plans had converged in my head and I was living them all simultaneously. All my tiny little paranoia's developed into full blown scenarios and it became so obvious to me that everyone had actually been taking the piss out of me all a long. And at the other end of the spectrum I had actually been in a mental home for years and all the people in my life were actually inmates or drs and nurses who were playing the roles I'd created for them, like my girlfriend being a nurse, similar to “Shutter Island” (although I only saw this movie recently). Near the end of the trip I ran into the family house and managed to blubber out how I needed too use the phone, I was confronted by four kids and two adults who barely knew me staring at me blankly. Eventually one of them directed me to the phone and I tried ringing my mother. Thankfully it went to voicemail after a couple of rings and then the lads arrived back. One of them was in a bad way too and after going back to the cabin we started working each other to hysterics again. But after a bit the other 2 managed to bring us down much to their credit. For months afterwards I couldn't do anything without intense feelings of deja-vu, and I kept having extremely vivid lucid dreams of mundane scenarios. On waking I wouldn't be able to recall the dreams but would be left with a feeling that “it was one of them Dreams”, until anywhere from that day to months later I would be talking to someone or walking along and bang the dream would replay itself nearly (but not) exactly the same as the situation I was in. So two years later and Im still feeling the aftershocks from these trips, I find it extremely difficult to communicate or relate to anyone, a simple statement holds far too many layers of meaning for me too fully grasp what someone actually means. I've unintentionally severed connections with most of my good friends and I've become very prone to long bouts of depression and serious paranoia. To counteract these I've stopped smoking weed in the last ten months as it zombifies me and accentuates my paranoia times 100 now. I dont take mushies anymore. I have occasionally taken acid finding it to be less dependant on mindset and easier to control if it starts going awry. Haven't any probs with ketamine finding the key is to keep moving. No probs with amphetamines but the come-downs hit me harder leaving me high and dry. And I bummed about Europe for a year with my amazing girlfriend hoping a break from it all would do me good, which it kinda did (no way would I have been able to stop smoking hanging out with the crew). Now I've landed in Australia and my girlfriend and constant companion of the last two years has gone to Canada. I'm beginning to realise how much I depended on her for socialising. Its Extremely difficult to relate to people and I have a tendency to freak them and myself out being either too intense or too distant and paranoid. Basically I think I've experienced a complete loss of id and all my delusions about myself were shattered. I'm wondering has anyone experienced similar problems after intense trips? And how have they dealt with it? I really dont want to go to a psychiatrist to be told “oh your bi-polar/schizophrenic, here take these pills”! I've recently heard about Vipassana meditation and think it might be helpful but I've just committed to a job where I am and the nearest Vipassana centre is 3000km away, so that'll be a while. Or should I go for another really intense mushy trip? I was collecting and brewing St Johns Wort tea for a bit and found it mildly effective but really only in the short term, and as far as I know it doesn't grow in Oz. I’ve been considering a good DMT trip having had a very mild one before but am worried about the implications of fucking up on it. Any suggestions on ways to bring myself back to a sort of stable perception of one reality as opposed to having many feet in multiple ones and quite the confusing chaos of my hyper-active head would be much appreciated.
holy. shit. try breaking that text up a little more - perhaps be a bit more concise. ( i didn't read the OP) all i can say, embrace the change it has brought onto you - don't try to fight it and incorporate your newfound SELF into reality. if it is impeding your ability to function as a normal person (i.e. student, employee, or you are breaking laws due to it), seek professional help
I did have a bad mushroom trip, and I've had a few weird ones....But from my experience tripping seems to have lasting effects in general. I mostly have good trips though so usually after I trip I feel better in general about life and such for like a week to two weeks afterwards...but that's a good trip, I did have a pretty terrible mushroom trip once and I am not quite sure I totally am over it because I am not sure what exactly it did....if that makes any sense. But yeah powerful mind-altering drugs can have life-changing effects so certainly do be careful....tripping is not quite the same as getting high, so its bound to have much more intense long lasting effects especially if you end up having a tramatic bad trip. Also you need a place you are comfortable in and should be with people you can trust when using psychedelics especially if its you're first time with a specific one... don't know that, that helps any.
And not to sound paranoid or anything, but I would only resort to getting professional help as a last resort...but that's just me because I don't trust the system and don't think anyone should.
I am NOT going to read that mess ! If you truely want help don't worry ... 1- Name the drug, or what it was called. 2- Be consise about the effects so we can determine what it really is. 2- How long since you took it. 4- Was it mixed with other drugs - list. Do all this in the FEWEST words possible PM me and I'll get back to you with a solution :sunny: In the meantime increase your vitamin C intake. I see this was posted yesterday so an abort is best option if you are stuck perhaps you have recovered, you havent posted since ? Have you seen your doctor ? Ask about an abort.
Well that wasn't really that hard to read to be honest.. definitely wasn't a "mess" I wouldn't recommend another trip, I don't know your full story but if psychedelics have got you into this mess I don't think you should carry on with them - or any drug for that matter, at least for a couple of years. You need to ask yourself why you're getting paranoid. Notice when you do, why you do, and what might have caused this paranoia - not just "the trip did", but which part of the trip etc. Try and analyse the situation from as many angles as possible, but be brutaly honest with yourself - everyone knows when they're bullshitting themselves, there's just a feeling that you get. Fuck that feeling, dive straight in and tear apart the bullshit. Nice report though man, I'd love to see Ireland - especially on a nice tasty dose of libs
If I were you I would stop all drug use completely. You're still taking ketamine, amphetamines, and acid... all of which can unearth/intensify any mental health issues you might have. I don't think you need to get professional help UNTIL you actually try to sort it out yourself the right way. No, don't go out and trip on 7 hits of acid hoping it will somehow reverse whats happened, cause in your CURRENT mental state I doubt that will do anything but make it worse. Eat healthy, excercise, socialize, and go drug free for a few months. Doing that will without a doubt make you feel better mentally and physically. You'll find being drug free and living a "normal healthy life" will get your grounded back in reality, making it easier to relate to people... so you won't feel disconnected or on a different page.
I'm curious about one thing. Have you recently, or ever, experienced a trauma? Do you have any anxiety/stress problems? I only ask this because I have, and I do. Certain circumstances seem to stimulate it more than others. Trauma might entail anything from abuse to war to any circumstance where you are confronted with/become extremely (and unnaturally) close to violence and/or death. Either way, I agree that it is time to step back from the drugs. You might be self-medicating if you fear that you are actually suffering from a disorder. Just chill out for a bit and drink green tea, take a bicycle ride, listen to some music. Peace to you.
Incredible that you should take the time to relate such a well written account of your adventures, ask for help and understanding as you feel you have done your mind in....and you are greeted with the rude, cold nasty replies! (not all)...unbelievable. It happened to me too on this forum, repeatedly....Hideous people in this world, and on hip forums. I am a Naturopath, in my clinic studies we had cases similar. A homoeopathic constitutional remedy will bring you back. Without a doubt. It works like magic for this type of problem. A woman presented at clinic with agoraphobia from too many drugs. She could not leave the house. Her friend sedated her and sent her to us in a cab. Within 2 weeks she had no issues what so ever. Completely back to herself. Mind in tact. All fears, paranoia etc gone. You can pm for the details of a practitioner in Sydney. And for the other condemning people here.....I thought his post was great, full of colour and rich in details....I liked it. For the rest of you, as if he needs to be told its a mess. The man is crying out for help. Hope one day you need the same help and receive your own stlye of comment. Do you the world of good. GTFO in advance to any one who wants to have a go at me.
Holy fuck! You can't appreciate something like that until you've lived that lifestyle. I've never taken psychedelics but that sounds like a monumental experience I wouldn't trade for anything regardless of consequence
I read it. Here's what I think. You did a very big amount of psychedelics in a very short amount of time. I think that was your big mistake. Personally I like to explore these things maybe twice a year, with a long time to get into it, and a long time to integrate it afterwords. If you spend so much time ''out there'' and you always have a foot in this world and a foot in the other world, things are bound to get scary and confusing after a while. First and foremost - STOP DOING AMPHETAMINES. You didnt say how much you did, but you seem to talk like it's no big deal, and usually when people do that, it means they are doing too much. Uppers will only exacerbate your anxiety when you are on them, and the exacerbate your depression on the comedown. The last thing you need is to be slammed at both sides of the emotional spectrum right now at a time where you are trying to find your balance. The deja-vu thing is called depersonalization. Where you begin to feel like you are in some weird dream. It's part of the anxiety. DMT might not be a good plan. Mushrooms are not a good plan. IF you ABSOLUTELY want to do a drug to try and help you work through some of this stuff, I would probably recommend MDMA, as it is used to tread post traumatic stress. Get in touch with Rosehippy. Go to that naturopath in sydney. Oh, and BY ALL MEANS. MEDITATE. MEDITATE. MEDITATE. MEDITATE. MEDITATE. MEDITATE. I can't say it enough. MEDITATE. PM me if you think I can help you with anything. I am sending you nothing but positive vibes. :sunny::sunny::sunny::sunny:
No one has mentioned how young he was when he started doing psychedelics. 12-16? At that age, I wouldn't be so sure it will "go away"...
Regardless of consequence? I don't mean to be a fear-monger here, but there's such thing as going too far down the rabbit hole. Tripping kind of restructures your mind, if you know what I mean. A good trip can be a life-changing experience that opens your mind to all sorts of new possibilities and concepts, things you didn't even know existed. A bad trip can really fuck up your mind though and give you psychological disorders. If your thinking changes too much, you can't control your mind/train of thought, etc, it can be a horrible experience that can last....for the rest of your life. You end up with a problem where you can't be happy anymore because your mind does things to fuck with you. Your id, your subconscious or whatever, it can turn against you, and that's the root cause behind a lot of mental disorders. I'm kind of the opposite of you, I didn't touch anything until I turned 21. I did shrooms and a lot of the things you did, but not that much. When I'd get a bad trip I'd call it quits with that and move on to something else, just to try and see if it would be different and expand my mind. I've tripped a lot less than you and I've come to the point where it just fucks with my mind too much. Being sober is boring but at least its mentally stable. I've tried to get back to who/how I was back before I turned 21. Back then I thought reality was boring and my mind was too...solid, if that makes any sense. Now I kind of see that as peace and stability. I can't even smoke weed anymore, really. I get intense tripping in my mind's eye, and I sometimes get stuck in this loop where the image of my dead mother appears over and over. If its not that its other very fucked up imagery. Not being able to control my mind, being unable to get out of that loop, makes me feel like I'm going insane and makes me fear that my mind might actually break and the images won't go away even while sober. Probably something similar to what you're experiencing. I thought more weed would help, that it'd mellow me out and I could just will the images away like you can sometimes do on a bad trip. The mind is a very complex thing and you're not really in control of it. Sobriety gives you more control, as much as you can have over it. Tripping more will just make it more fucked up. I'd get off everything, put up with the hell from withdrawals/etc, and just remember that it'll all be ok and you'll be back to your normal self. Your normal self isn't tripping on chemicals, and if you think it is you really will go off the deep end. If you can get back to normal you might even be able to trip again one day. Though sometimes its enough to just have your life, where you can work and have a place to live and not be in a nuthouse. And about your trip.....set and setting. Your idea that you were in for 3 bad trips was actually a delusion, a self-fulfilling prophecy of your own mind. If you worry about something too much, its bound to happen. So your mindset was wrong. It sounds like you WANTED a good trip, but deep down inside you were expecting a bad trip. As for setting; walking down a mountain in the dark in a thunderstorm, alone, tripping on who know's how much psylocybin, back to a stranger's cabin. That's a recipe for an introspective nightmare.
Not necessarily, my sensible side agrees with everything you've said - but I know a lot of people who've gained more "control" over their minds. It's not so much control, more of an understanding - being aware of your feelings and why you're feeling them, as opposed to having a fairly shut off view of the world and getting trapped in a circle of guilt, anger or sadness over pointless situations.
