There are so many porn/ masturbation threads here right now that I feel compelled to speak. I First started jerking off to porn in the mid 1980's when my girlfriend at the time lost alot of her interest in sex with me. For most of the next quarter of a century porn became a huge part of my life, first at adult bookstores with arcades and then on the computer. I was obsessive and saved gig upon gig of videos and pix, even after I met my current wife, who after the 1st year we were together only could muster the interest in sex about 2x/ week (I have always wanted sex every day). Problem is, it became increasingly harder to find porn that aroused me enough and worse it made it difficult to have sex with my wife sometimes because a) she didn't have a body like a porn star and b) wouldn't do alot of stuff like let me cum on her face. As I got closer to age 50 it became more difficult to orgasm to the point where if I continued to JO I would not be able to have sex with my wife. So, after stumbling upon an article about a woman who gave her husband the gift of sex every day for a year as a birthday present and how that gift radically improved her marriage, I sat down with my wife and asked her if she would have sex with me every day for a month to try and capture some of the intimacy we had in the beginning. To my amazement... she said YES! That was a few months ago and we continue to have sex almost every single day. I have never been happier and our marriage has never been better. My wife is now so turned on and is for the 1st time learning to express her desires and I have learned to ask her to please me in ways I never thought she would. I now think of my years of porn/ masturbation with sadness. It is a lonely way to live. There is someone out there for almost everyone. We just need to be realistic about our expectations. We are body-obsessed in this society, especially about womens' boob size and mens' penis size but also flat, hard stomachs. Think of how many pretty women are out there who don't have boyfriends or husbands because they are considered 'too fat'. Every one of these women have desires and fantasies that go unmet. Think of the men who feel inadequate and are afraid of intimacy because their penises seem tiny compared to porn stars. What if men chose to stop thinking of women as bodies and start thinking of them as humans of the female gender? Then they could actually find someone who was smart, funny, had a pretty face, a nice singing voice, is a great cook or any number of attractive qualities. Then maybe men would want to sleep with a woman, not because she had amazing tits or a tight little ass but because they wanted to share intimacy with someone they liked and cared about. And guess what? Then they'd realize that these women didn't care about their cock size or how much money they made or what kind of car they drove. People could be happy and not lonely. and if married couples took the time to make sex a priority they would get along better, start helping each other, start caring about their appearance again and look for ways to enjoy life together. It starts by men and women respecting each other and learning to make their bed partners friends first and foremost. I now don't even think about other women. I only want my wife of 15 years. I told someone at work that a helicopter could land in my backyard and Kim Kardashian could step out naked with a million dollars in a suitcase if I would leave wife and I wouldn't be tempted for a second. What I have is priceless. My wife may be 'short and fat' and her boobs sag a little but she is the sexiest woman I have ever seen and when I see her naked I get a hard on almost every time. She has a belly which she hates but I love it and love to kiss it because it is part of the only naked body I want to see now. It's not complicated but as long as men fill their heads with desires for unattainable fantasies then it won't happen. That's why porn is a dead end.
Does anybody want to add to this thread? I feel like after all the OP typed up and expressed it's kind of a shame to not respond. I see his point of view and I think the OP hits on a good point here.
I agree that the OP has a good point. When I'm not seeing anyone, about once every 2-3 months, I go on these porn binges, usually for a couple of weeks. The problem is, and this is because it is an addiction, I need more and more extreme porn to get excited, and, of course, real women that I'm actually likely to meet don't appeal in comparison. Luckily for me, I end up getting so saturated with this stuff that I stop using it just as quickly and sort of settle down and return to normal. I don't have an "addictive personality." But I can see how it can become an unhealthy addiction and interfere with having a real sex life. I'm glad the OP found a better path. His relationship with his wife seems very positive now as a result. That's great.
I think porn is fine for people who can differentiate between it and real life, and when it doesn't begin to damage REAL relationships and your REAL sex life. This is something I don't struggle with, but I feel genuinely bad for those who do. I'm glad you've found a better way and it's awesome that your wife felt compelled to improve things, too.
It doesn't sound as if porn and masturbation contribute to a lonely way of life but more of a dangerous way at looking at your relationship. It sounds as of OP was quick to talk down on his wife simply because she refused to do what porn stars do "cum on face". If your missus is not a porn star, don't make her out to be one. There's nothing wrong with declining such things. Not every women wants a face full of spunk and it's depressing that men view us as "incompatible" just because we don't express or position ourselves in bed like a porn star does. It's simply time for people to accept that not all women look like porn stars nor do they perform the acts that porn stars do. Pornography is not reality.
Even ex-porn stars have come out and said that what you see them doing on film was against their will at times or the details of the job they thought they signed on to do changed last minute. That and the medical injuries they face, including death is a huge reason why after learning about these problems in that industry, I turn to literature instead. Also as a guy, I've found literature doesn't have the visual addiction component to it that harms relationship expectations in bed. But then again I never liked coming on a girl's face and I don't find pole dancing to be erotic....
tl;dr but I think I got the jist Porn has its place - it's a way to fantasize about things you might not be able to do regularly or with real people. It can be argued in some cases that it allows people with controversial sexual desires (rape fantasies, etc) "live out" their fantasy without hurting anyone or breaking any laws. For people with such fetishes especially I think it's important that there is porn available. Saying that, I don't think modern media/society's view on sexuality is very healthy and of course, nothing is healthy in excess. That's true, but we all have different desires. Sexual compatibility is important - so if you don't like getting cum on your face, you really shouldn't be in a relationship with someone for whom that is an important sexual act. Just because someone did it in a porno doesn't mean lots of people don't do it regularly in real life, with real people. I used to think all girls hated getting cum on their face/mouth when I was younger and so I never dared to even bring it up.. Later I learned lots of girls actually love that and boy did my sex life improve.
I enjoy the porn regularly. Mostly because it's a bit more entertaining than just "routine masturbation". It doesn't affect my interest in my gal. Heck I go for the stuff with real people anyhow. I more watch it and think about some of the things we're going to do later.
The OP gives a very sweet testament to how to revive a marriage. In using porn for my own masturbation, I have noticed also that the "kinkiness" has had to increase in order to get me to orgasm. I would trade it all in a second to be turned on by a man in real life. Finding that kind of lasting attraction is very difficult.
The point of my post was not whether or not my wife consented to a facial. I never asked her and never would. Any sane adult in a sexual relationship knows the difference between the fantasies of porn and reality. My overall point is that porn is part of a problem wherein people and faces and bodies are objectified for our pleasure. I could have added TV and mass circulation magazines as culprits to this problem. When, as a man you salaciously regard a woman on screen or in print and begin to fantasize about that woman you are withdrawing from reality and in so doing begin to denigrate, relegate and disparage the real women in front of you. My feeling is that there are millions of beautiful, sexy women out there who are not fully appreciated because their dress size is in double digits or their tits don't jut straight out from their chests. Once you stop looking at unattainable examples of female bodies and begin looking at the women around you, you will notice that these women with less than flat stomachs or thighs that touch can be amazing and funny and sexy as hell. But if you either ignore these women or just use them for sex while chasing chimeras then you are cheating yourself. OTH, if a man were to make friends with a woman and allow their unpolluted mind to regard that woman with healthy respect he might find himself finding the subtle beauty and sexiness in her and if he gave himself selflessly to her he might find a joy and pleasure infinitely greater than the feeble joy of jerking off to porn.
I've also experienced some porn related difficulties. A while ago, I COULD NOT get hard for my girlfriend. And then the week after that I didn't get ANY erections, nor did I masturbate, and that was after deciding to quite watching porn. I was going through a flatline, a symptom of recovering from porn induced ED. I went without it for three weeks and things seem to be getting back to normal. I've been watching porn again just a little bit, and it doesn't take very much at all to get me off. For me, the key is to just not overdo it. I won't be watching any porn for a few days just to keep a good equilibrium. Also, the last time I was with my GF, I got and stayed pretty hard. We aren't having sex, and she's so shy that she won't even fully strip for me yet, so we have just been sticking to mutual masturbation. I enjoy it a lot but she has been unable to get me off by herself. I have to take over eventually. Part of the problem is that the lube we used kept drying off so she would have to momentarily stop to put more on, which frankly just killed the momentum for me. I have a better lube now, it doesn't dry at all... Next time, I think it will go much better. :2thumbsup: But yes, getting addicted to porn can be very bad. In moderation, though, it can be pretty awesome and actually increase sexual appetite.
Nothing wrong with watching porn as long as one don't let it control them or affect their life with their companion.
