For starters I am 19 years old, my father and his entire family for that matter is buddhist. I was raised in a conservative household with my mother and step father and I did not enjoy it very much. I was depressed because I felt I could not properly express myself... They mocked me constantly and my mother has borderline personality, so the ridicule and physical/verbal abuse was very harsh. They insisted that I get on anti-depressants. The depression turned into mania with the medication and I was diagnosed with ADHD and that year and a half of me being completely socially inept I began obsessing over my behavior and what I could do to correct it. In doing so I developed a severe case of OCD. My thoughts race at incredible speeds and at the time I thought it would be a good idea to ask for a mood-stabilizer. It has been a couple more years and I cannot quit the medication because I spent my whole adolescence on them, therefore they have become part of me in a big way and when I tried to quit before I had the hardest and most miserable time of my life. ANYWAY I WAS WONDERING... How would meditation be possible for somebody in these somewhat unique circumstances... Whenever I try to clear my mind I start to feel light-headed and I start seeing flashing lights in my eyelids and I sometimes even start shaking. I have taken many psychedelics before in my search for enlightenment, and for the strength to fully forgive my parents. It was all in vain though because my parents gave me a sincere apology and our relationship has been good for quite a while. But it still bothers me that I can't meditate... I originally thought it was my negative thoughts against my parents... But now I am suspecting the medication...IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE TO MEDITATE WITH THESE DAMNED MEDS?
YOU"RE NOT TRYING HARD ENOUGH! I'm just kidding. Sounds like you may be trying too hard. This is going to get a little zen-like here. Stop trying to meditate. And just meditate. Your mind may wander. And when it does just be mindful of your breathing again. Picture going down a long hill on your bicycle-trying to keep the bicycle on the yellow line. As you wander away from the yellow line just steer back to the yellow line-not a hard turn-just a soft turn to get back to the yellow line. Riding a bike downhill is not hard-and steering shouldn't be either. I meditate-but my mind does wander a lot. I really find that yoga allows my mind to relax much more. Bikram yoga in the heat is good for me.
