Am I Bi? Does my wife suspect it? How do I tell her?

For the last 10 years or so, I have gone back and forth on whether or not I could be "bisexual" or curious about sexual acts with guys. I have often fantasized about going down on a guy, and look at porn that includes those types of sex acts as well. I have never had an actual experience with a man, but am extremely curious about the act of giving oral sex. However, I am married to an amazing woman, who grew up conservatively and isnt as open minded as I would like. Shes not homophobic, but doesnt have much exposure to these types of things. Recently, my urges to experiment have gotten intense, and frequent. I find myself talking to quite a few female friends, and even family members about my situation in regard to my sexual orientation. I really want to tell my wife, but I am scared beyond belief that she will not understand, and freak out on me. To be quite honest, the fact that I have never had an actual experience sexually may not mean I am bisexual, but I do know that the urge to give oral sex is intense.

How do I tell my wife i have fantasies about men? Is there a way to somehow "gauge" her reaction, to see how she might react..or if she currently suspects anything? it should also be noted that I get teased all the time, and have been teased all my life because people think i am gay, or have those tendencies.

Ultimately, what I would like out of this entire situation is acceptance. My end goal is her accepting this part of me. I have really hated myself for the last how many years because of these urges. I look at a man, and immediately think of how nice his penis might look , or taste..or feel inside of me. Up until lately, the urges were just for the penis..but now..they are towards a certain guy. They have grown in a sense. I get very nervous and anxious around him, not to mention very aroused. Problem is, he is the husband of my wifes best friend.

The other reason I want to know what she thinks is because every now and then, she will make little jokes, or comments that indicate to me she suspects something at the very least. She will randomly ask me if I am gay, and play it off as a joke..then when I ask her if she thinks I am, she says “ Cant you take a joke, I am just giving you a hard time”.

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i did not need to have any experience at all in order to know that i was gay.
with what you said you want and what your circumstances are you have successfully screwed yourself into a corner here. sorry, but getting married by the age of 28, while being aware you might wanna experiment with guys is just plain stupid. you will go out and get it on with guys at some point, that much is clear. whether you will tell your wife about it (another stupid thing to do) is up to you.

 

I would find some way to bring up odd sexual kinks with your wife. Do some waterplay, find some feithses you can induldge. One night ask her to finger your ass, when you clearly enjoy it, maybe bring up a dildo. Maybe bring up, jokingly a three way some time later. You see where I'm going here.

I've read plenty of stories on these forums about couples who openly fuck other people, who love having threesomes and watching their partner and the stranger (or friend, whatever) fucking. Also, I would say that just saying that your wife should have no problem if you admit to her that you have had feelings like this. You obviously love your wife and haven't ever done anything, so she has nothing to worry about. It's just some kinky shit. Maybe she'll have a hell of time with a strap on up your ass.

Don't limit yourself or assume your wife is unwilling. Just go slow.