Sexual Tension-need advice please!

Hi, I am a 22 years old woman. My husband is 27. We have been together for 3 years now and have two beautiful children. Our marriage is great. We laugh, have fun and we are both very happy and in love.

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PLEASE NOTE: I am 110% absolutely sure my husband is not cheating!!! It would take too long to explain exactly how I know, but trust me on this.
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Here’s the problem…

I have ALWAYS had a VERY demanding sex drive. However, I have NEVER been in a relationship with any man who could completely satisfy my wants. Please don’t think I’m a slut…I’ve never had sex (with a man) outside a committed relationship.

When I met my husband, the chemistry was amazing (and still is!). I thought I had died and gone to heaven. The 1st day we had sex it lasted forever and was amazing! The 2nd day we had sex, we did the deed 12 times and, I kid you not, he got off EVERY time!!! That number is NOT exaggerated, we kept track ;-) However…that has been a onetime thing. Since then, the most we have ever had sex in one day is twice =( =( I know, I don’t get it either.

When my husband and I have sex, it’s great. We both organism every time…sometimes several times for me. He is very skilled and claims that I am too. Our typical bedroom trysts last about 10-30 mins on average. They would probably last longer, but by the time I finally get laid I am so horny and full of sexual tension that I can hardly contain my lust in order to draw things out. I am almost always satisfied afterwards…at least for a couple hours. He seems very satisfied…too satisfied apparently =(

If it were up to me, we would have sex every day twice a day…or at least once every other day. Heck, I would happily settle for a couple times a week! In reality though, we have sex about once a week on average. Sometimes it’s once every 2 weeks =’( =’(

I know by biggest downfall is I try too hard. When I want him, I try to seduce him…and almost always get rejected. He is pretty gentle about it, but I am left full of frustration and sexual tension. Sometimes I am so wound up I can hardly think around it for days. It gets really hard to concentrate on other things when all I can think about is getting my husband in bed…

I don’t have the best self-esteem in the world, but I think I am moderately pretty. I have an average body, in my opinion. I’ve had two kids so that has taken a toll on me with things like stretch marks and some loose skin on my belly. My youngest just turned 1. He was nearly 10 lbs so he stretched my skin out A LOT and I fear there is not much I can do about that now. I had to have a C-section so the scar does not help =( It probably would not hurt to try to tone up my belly, but I don’t think that is the problem. My husband seems attracted to me. He tells me I’m beautiful and sexy and, when he is horny, he sure makes me feel that way! My husband has a great body and very impressive equipment, so his self-esteem certainly is not the problem. I always let my satisfaction and pleasure be known so he is never in doubt ;-)

I am just looking for some ideas on how to relieve my constant sexual tension or else increase my husband’s sex drive. I’m worried that he’s just tired of having sex with the same woman over and over…regardless of how good it is. =’(

I’ve tried some kinky things with my husband…a couple of which I don’t feel comfortable mentioning, lol. Some of the soft stuff I have tried, with varying degrees of success….

• Watching porn together (made the sex great, but did not help in seduction)
• Reading passages from erotic books out loud (fifty shades of grey-didn’t do much for him)
• Toys (we won’t get into all the details here…lol…but, again, they make the sex great…but don’t help in seduction)
• Lots of dirty talk (Again, makes the sex great…but does not help in seduction)
• Having sex in strange, exotic and exciting places (there are only so many places I can try to seduce him...I’m running out of new places to try! This does help sometimes)
• All sorts of different positions (I mean, ALL sorts)
• Handcuffing, tying up and other dominating stuff (I love it when he dominates me and he seems to REALLY enjoy it too. We’ve reversed the roles too, which is fun every now and then)
• Sexy cloths/nighties/panties/bras…other stuff (I spent $600 at Victoria Secret in an attempt to increase our frequency of sex)
• FMF Threesomes (I’m in to chicks so this works out great for both of us…the problem is finding women who are willing. We’ve done this a couple times and every time has been GREAT for all three of us! We’ve never had any problems with jealousy and such. The women who participated in our threesomes are now in one-on-one relationships. I’m not into bringing a 2nd man into my bedroom, so our past partners are now not an option. Bringing another man home would make me feel disloyal, even if my husband consented…which he has in the past. I just can’t do it.)

See…if he just lets me START to seduce him, he’s all mine and there is no issue. Maybe the problem is my method of seduction? Maybe I am too easy/too available? I have tried switching this around, but it is very, very, very, very, VERY hard for me to do! Generally, when we have sex once every two weeks, it is because I was waiting for him to come to me…

It’s almost like he just doesn’t want to have sex as often as I do…like he isn’t horny. But men are supposed to always be horny, right? So what am I doing wrong and how can I fix it?

Also, I masturbate a LOT. I can get myself off pretty easy, but it really doesn’t satisfy my wants/needs. Only my husband can do that…when he wants to =( I crave his touch so badly sometimes it hurts.

So basically, what I want to know is:
-What are some ways I can INCREASE my husband’s sex drive
AND/OR
-What are some ways I can DECREASE my sex drive

I’m just so tired of feeling like a wound up ball of sexual tension and frustration. Please help!!! All constructive criticism is welcome! I’m very open minded!

 

better diet, reduce drugs and alcohol.. Fruits and Protein..
Lepidium meyenii/ Maca.. Allow him to get rest when needed. you should get him to the point where he fucks you till youre raw and sore> this will take care of your next question.. >

NO!!

 

Thanks for the reply orison319 =)

He does like to drink quite a bit...but that usually only makes him more horny, lol. His lust is absolutely ravishing when he's been drinking...and it tends to last twice as long. He does have a really poor diet...I never really thought that would affect his sex drive. Thank you! I'll certainly keep that in mind!!!!

As far as Maca goes, do you by any chance know if it is safe for diabetics? Is this something we could get from his doctor? I've never heard of it before, but I am doing research now =)

Any ideas on how I can get him to fuck me til I'm sore? I have a LOT of trouble containing myself. I move too fast, make too much noise and it gets him off really fast.

Hmmm, so decreasing my sex drive would be a bad thing then? I always thought my sex drive was a bit...much, lol

Thanks again!

 

im sorry.. I dont know the answer to that..

Youll get sore faster, if you are dehydrated., however. no need to keep from drinking water, just to dry yourself out..

if hes burnt out, you can bring a toy into the bed and he can penetrate you with that, while performing oral at the same time.. or he can finger your hard and deep. sounds like you need some rough action. just tell him to be more aggressive.

 

being worried about maca being safe for diabetics is weird if he drinks a lot.

 

I was trying not to point out the obvious. but yes..

 

We've actually done all of that ;-) It's very, very nice and it satisfies me...but only temporarily. The sex itself is good...just not frequent enough (if that makes sense). I've talked to him about Maca and he is all for it. We're going to talk to his doctor. Do you by any chance know the best product/brand to buy? It seems like there are a lot out there...


As to drinking and diabetes...it's a long story, but yes, he is a diabetic and he drinks. It's actually our biggest disagreement, but ultimately it is his choice. I don't agree with it, but I don't want to add anything (Maca) that is going to further adversely affect his health. That's a topic for another time though.

 

Ok lay off him a little maybe,

I'm sounds like you are very full on, does he get to initiate sex sometimes?? The only reason I'm say this is maybe he would like to be the one who seduces......

You have toys use them alone ( yes I know not the same but still) and see if maybe he comes to you

 

Maca is a natural herb from Peru, AFAIK it doesn't have any sugar, you can get it from any natural food store or natural supplement place, or from Amazon. Also yohimbe tea may be worth a try. Maca has to be taken consistently, the effect builds up over time. Yohimbe just take when needed.

 

Decreased libido is one of the side effects/symptoms of diabetes, so it could just be a simple case of a medical condition affecting him. Maybe talking to a doctor about the issue might help.

I can completely relate with the difference in drive and going from sex daily to sex weekly or less. It's disappointing at times, and getting turned down sucks, no other way to put it, but I've learned to live with it and not push the issue. I agree with Goofy Gooberz give him a chance to initiate. You said you thought he REALLY liked dominating you. If you're the aggressor, he may feel a bit submissive in the situation. Maybe he would like to feel in control of the situation. Maybe trying to seduce him is actually working against you. Sometimes things just have to happen on their own. My husband is just as likely to work me over if I'm wearing sweatpants and a sweatshirt as he is if I'm running around in a skirt and revealing shirt or naked. Is the feeling that you need to seduce him a new thing? If so, maybe forget about that for the time being. Do what you normally do all day, throw on something comfy at night and watch a movie or talk or whatever it is you both enjoy doing. Forget about trying to get him to have sex, the more I think about sex, the more I want it, try to keep your mind on something else for a few days. Maybe without the added pressure, he will be ready for some fun.

 

might be something completely different than sex which has reduced his libido or desire for you physically. could be any of many various things. i can tell you what changed my physical desire for my wife when i was married.

so far we were married 6 years. not enough sex, but none the less, sex. during these 6 years she treated me like a friend and spouse, with respect, etc. then one day, one event, it all changed. once every 15 months during our marriage she would either: wine, instruct, nag, complain, correct, criticize, etc. after this one event, she did it every day, quite often 4 times a day.

most marriages i have observed (friends, relatives), wives usually mistreat their husbands, and in front of other people (at least me). wining, complaining, instructing, nagging, complaining, correcting, criticizing. not that it doesn't happen the other way, i have seen that once. and i am aware that some husbands physically abuse their wives, which is no longer socially acceptable. but it is socially acceptable for wives to emotionally abuse their husbands. some female married people think nothing of it. i write this from experience of living it and having watched it many times.

so, being emotionally abused by a wife (spouse) is a big physical turn off. sure it would be for wives as well, to be emotionally abused by their husbands. i tried it twice w/ my wife, i made up two different events, treated her like she treated me as a desperate measure to show her what she was doing/i was feeling. learned later that insecurity does not reason.

now we (the woman i was married to) dont have sex at all.

but as i typed, could be one of many reasons why. just thought i'd write of one instead of give advice.

 

talk with a sex therapist.... they are very wise. Also, talk with your husband about this. Often people have different drives, this is just life. Also, if you are very eager to have sex....why change this or why change him. See a therapist to see if both your needs can be met

 

GoofyGooberz, yes, you are right. I come on too strong. He does initiate sex sometimes though.

As far as toys go, I think I just need to get new/better ones. A friend of my suggested “The Rabbit”. Anyone ever heard of it?

ManyInterests, thanks so much for the information!!! We’re still going to mention it to his doctor to make extra sure it is safe, but I think it will be fine. I’m going to look into Yohimbe too!!

azalea_mae, oh wow I feel so dumb! I have never thought about how his diabetes affects his sex drive! That really explains A LOT!!! My desire for sex is no new thing ;-) Thank you for the great advice! I am going to back off on the seduction. You’re right, it really does suck getting rejected. It’s a lot more fun to be seduced instead=) even if I have to wait a couple weeks. I do need to try not thinking about sex. My mind is so perverted, lol

twopointsfour, thank you. I will think long and hard about that. I don’t think I’m emotionally abusing him, but I will think about it. Our marriage is fine. We don’t fight often, we get along fine, we are open and communicate easily. It’s just that I have a much more needy sex drive, lol.

Cranes3, the idea of a sex therapist really intimidates me :-X I will keep that in mind though!! Thank you =)


Thanks to everyone for their advice!!! You have all given me some great ideas and a great place to start figuring this out. =)