How I Found My First Friend With Benefits

My first friends with benefits adventure and how I made it work.


Why:

Because I see how much is out there about hookups. Much of it is meant to deceive. And, a lot I see is about confusion and endorsements. I want to fulfill the desires of like-minded people who are contemplating a fwb/nsa situation and don’t know how to go about it. I want to describe how I navigated the wide desert of finding an online hookup and found an oasis. And lastly, I want to describe my own experiences so that anyone that is contemplating such a relationship can understand, feel better about it, control their actions and explore, get laid and feel satisfied… especially the ladies.


My Objective:

This started as a confessional, but I’m interested in seeing what feedback comes back to me. It would be great to create another situation, but it has to all come together in a manner acceptable to my situation, if that could happen at all….(first bit of advice, set a goal and stick to it, don’t compromise it for anyone) So I’m sending this energy out there to any who are interested to read. Especially any women out there who could offer their own insight or experiences to get the other side of the coin. Naturally, in our mass culture today we are led to believe that men are the ones who have this unquenchable libido, while from my experience that you will learn about that may not be entirely true.
Also I want to enlighten you on how I found my own level of comfort and safety. I can be a mean world out there, but if you are smart, you can still create some level of safety and mitigate the risk to a level that you are willing to accept. I make no pretentions to the fact that risk can never be fully eliminated. So be smart, control the situation, stay to your level of comfort and have fun… and have sex.


My Situation:

The events I’m describing took place just over two years ago. I live somewhere in the Northwest suburbs of NYC. I was somewhat recently divorced and found myself in a long distance relationship immediately upon my freedom. I was satisfied with my girlfriend and the relationship, but I was not satisfied with the schedule that had been forced upon us. Due to other family commitments we were only together every other weekend. When we were together things were always great, but in the off time where we were apart, I found that my high libido got to me. I had spent years in an unhappy sexless marriage and now that I was free and had a place of my own I was excited at the prospect of making many encounters with women who were new to me. I spent countless hours surfing the web for porn and fantasizing about these hookups and masturbated frequently. Eventually, all this yearning I had turned into a plan to take action. That plan was to find the satisfaction I so desired. I could’ve played the dating scene in search of a no strings attached hookup, but believed that I couldn’t maintain the mental energy to play the part of good boyfriend and act in the player life style all at the same time. I knew I had to find a source to find a lady in a similar situation… but where to find her?


The Plan:

I feel I’m a resourceful guy. Due to my professional background and education I decided to make a plan to see if the ideas in my head were at all feasible. How would I know? Surfing the porn sites it became apparent to me that most of the stuff out there were all about getting your credit card… and that might be fair, if you’re getting the services that you’re signing up for. But my advertising senses and some of the blogs/forums online ignited my sixth sense to judge that most of these ploys were all bait and switch scams. So many of the sites I saw were too slick to deliver the goods. “What seems too good to be true….” Many of the pics I had recognized as readily available porn. They get you to sign up for free, send teasers to you in the form of bots poised as interested mates to encourage you to pay for full service and then make it impossible for you to cancel while they charge your account monthly…. No need to write a dissertation about it as I’m sure many of you have already figured this out. I dabbled, never paid, but still saw that this wasn’t going to get me laid. I had all but given up on the idea and returned to my world of porn and fantasy in my apartment.


Luckily, by chance, I ran into a website which set me in the right direction. I don’t know the all the policies about this web site, but I’ll offer a clue. The address was simply howtohookuponline and I’ll leave you to guess the domain extension. Now, I’ll tell you that I’ve revisited the site lately and it has changed from when I first found it, but the themes and nuggets of wisdom are generally the same. I do sense that there is an endorsement incentive to the overall objective of its authors, but if you read and listen to the topics discussed they will send you in the right direction.


The Goal:

My goal was to find a woman that was only interested in having sex with someone they met online. For whatever their reasons, they wanted to simply fuck and have fun while fucking for the sake of fucking. That means that it was meant to be enjoyable by both, with no shame and no emotional commitment by either. We could met when possible, hang a little bit to create enough intrigue and then get down to business. Afterwards, it would be “got to go!”, and if really good, maybe “let’s set this up again”…maybe not. Whatever the case, it could end at any time, no explanations asked or required.


The Strategy:

Here are little tid-bits of information that “Worked” for me. May they serve you well. I chose a free site. I couldn’t make up my mind about the free to try sites, and simply didn’t want to take the chance. In fact, I used that free site we all know by that guy Craig. You know, I had very little hope of making any headway with this, but I figured that I had a lot of time on my hands, so I was in no rush… why not? Based on the wisdom of the site mentioned well above, I wanted to make a simple ad. I wasn’t going to go overboard, something simple, meaningful, more than a quip, but not too long with maybe a little sense of humor thrown in. Again and again, I’ll say it…I was paying attention to the themes of the lessons I had learned.


I’ll tell you that I don’t consider myself a writer… lol, you may have already noticed. Certainly, writing ads soliciting women for sex is not my milieu. So what was I to do… that was the question? The answer… change locations on the “list” (to avoid duplicity) and search some of the ads left by other men and see if I could find one the fit the needs to my strategy…know what? It took all of 10 minutes to find one. I hate to tell you how many ads I saw that didn’t take the advice I had learned and it encouraged me more to believe that I would have an edge. I wish I could thank the person now who wrote it. I could kick myself for not keeping a copy of it. (I’ll explain why in the follow up to this post, it’s a very simple reason), but to give you a summary, I remember it was to the effect of how I was going to worship my partners body with my tongue and become a slave to their orgasm. Again, it was direct, fairly truthful and added a small element of humor. Secondly, I had learned that any ad will get more attention when it is posted with a photo. This was a danger zone for me because I know that anyone could be surfing the “list”, an ex-wife, a local friend or even friends of my son. But, every cause has a solution. Again with an element of humor, I found and copied a simple banner online which simply showed a man’s torso with a tee shirt saying “I love Sex!” Pretty quarky I know, but remember on the “list” the ads simply denote that there is a photo, it doesn’t show the photo with the tag line in the search. I just want to get the click of the babe doing the search. :devil:



I also briefly, very briefly gave some person information about my location & physical attributes. You don’t want to be eliminated in the contest for something silly. In case you’re interested. Northwest suburbs of NYC. SWM 36 Tall 6’2” average to athletic build, Professional looking, handsome. Clean cut. Likes to play, but plays safe & doubly protected because I’m snipped. <= don’t know why I threw that in there but it was true…and it wound up adding comfort to the partner I met. :sunny:
Well that’s the start to my true story. I will follow up next time with the whole screening process with some tips, which I think I handled extremely well. And then I’ll discuss how I met that partner and fucked her, how I fucked her… and ….more than once. :afro:
Lastly, I’ll discuss how it ended. No horror story here, but just like every adventure everything cums to an end.

 

Lets hear it

 

Where's the "I got bored reading this" poll option?

 

pretty random place to throw out the old likert scale. i wouldn't mind hearing about how you found your first fuck buddy, but the entire story should be about 1/3 the length of your first post.

 

rite-paraphrased version;
He wanks a lot,loves himself,lies to girls,once had a fuck,told the world about it.

[there,that'll save you a LOT of time] :2thumbsup:

 

one of the worst shit I ever read.. it's written as it was somehow hard or even tough to find some girl to have sex on the internet.. are you joking me ? Here we have lavalife, and this way you can have sex with a different girl pretty much everyday if you pay for diner.

 

Wow. I just saw how it was laid out and knew I didn't want to read it.

I went to the gym and looked for the guy with the biggest bulge in his pants and asked him to lunch. That's how I found my FWB.

 

OK, so a lot of feedback among the various sites I’ve posted my adventure.


My purpose in writing this was to lay out a plan that had worked from me with very little effort. For the benefit of those who have tried and failed, or don’t know a way to go about it discreetly. Maybe, I’ve left in too many details. I’ve received a lot of criticism about the length and how boring it is…noted. It is a true story and all the details I’ve given I believe somehow gave me a competitive edge. No rose tinted glasses. I will admit that I’m not a pro at this and maybe I had beginners luck.


A lot of haters out there…duly noted. I’ve posted this story on a couple of sex forums and find it surprising to find so many judgmental peeps out there :bobby: … obviously Republicans, have a nice life and leave us alone.
Lastly, folks… the title is how I found a fwb “Online”…Hello! … don’t need to hear your put downs and tell me that you can go to any pick-up bar and bring someone home… good for you! … But it’s not the subject of my experience.


If you’ve had success on meeting strangers for sex online, I’d appreciate it if you added to the discussion. This is about helping the uninformed, confused & lost.

Part 2
So when last talking about our adventure, our hero had devised a plan and strategy to discreetly find a partner “online” for a no strings attached sexual encounter, in my case a so called ‘friend with benefits”.
After devising a carefully crafted ad in a fee “list” all was go and I waited eagerly for all the multitude of responses I would receive. How could I go wrong? I was methodical, did my research, took tips from the pros, there was no way this would fail.


OK, things were not so good at first. Kept checking my mail (like every hour in the beginning)… nothing. ?? Eventually, once in a while there would be a response. My advice to the novice… respond with caution. There are many unscrupulous folks out there just trying to rip you off. In this case it’s in the form of a “bot”. A program crawling the “list”, automatically generating responses in the form of an interested partner, all for the purpose of getting your email to blast you with ads for anything under the sun… and that’s the least harmful result.


So how to avoid the sexy “bot”?. .. ask yourself, has this email actually considered anything about my ad in particular? Is the response “tight”? … meaning leaving no doubt that you’re about to bag this one in one shot. Is it too slick? … artfully worded and hip. Without so much as a handshake she’s willing to send you a pic (totally hot)…but she needs to keep it a secret?? Have they asked a question unique to my ad? Don’t get carried away with the excitement, sit back and ask yourself the question for a couple of moments. Have they addressed anything in particular to what I said about myself?


So I received about six responses, all of which I deemed generic and simply ignored.


You have to repost your ad every couple of days in order for it to appear fairly recent.


Then, just after two weeks or so I felt my luck had changed when I received a response that had me thinking, “this is a real person!” She said she lived fairly close to me and gave a nearby town (ok, that’s good, but not full-proof) Secondly, she wanted to know, since I had older children and from the wording of my ad, if I had had a vasectomy. (That my friend is a very good sign)


So, I know I’m now dealing with someone that actually read my ad. But that’s it, nothing else. They could be who they say they are. Could be something entirely different…. Such as another man. ?? They could be an escort… which I was not looking for. Another step I had taken to give myself a little more assurance was to see where the email came from. I typed a short little response, thanking her and asked a short question or two and waited for a response. I received one. I used gmail at the time and what I had done was to select view full header on the email she responded. In it you will find the ip address of the server which first sent the mail. It won’t tell you exactly where the person is located, but it will give a general location. The full header can be rather cumbersome, you need to scan it for something like “Received: from 138.28.0.1”. Then do a search for an ip address locator, voila… you get the location. In this case everything was looking good. It came back with a location in the general area.


Now bolstered by the info I became more earnest in my pursuit. We communicated just a couple of times responding with short and simple responses. In this case it was easy because her needs for discretion were similar to mine. In our second correspondence, perhaps after feeling me out as a real person (as compared to a “bot”), she gave a general description of herself which was more general than precise accept one feature. “30’s MWF 5’2” nice curves”… and oh boy… “busty”…size “DD”. YES!! :sunny:So you understand I had to pause here… this was a dream come true… wait…. Was it? She didn’t give me any info about her weight…ah, be careful there my boy… you’re not too much into the BBW’s …sometimes, but not always.


She was quick to get to the kill. I guess there’s not much sense in dragging things out, and it was time for the revel. She started focusing on our first meeting, and we started making plans to do so. This is why we’re in it. I wanted to see those “DD’s”:devil:


I was on my own still, had that apartment. My plan was to meet in a public place somewhere safe with lots of people around. This way bailing would be easy and exiting the scene if need be would be without incident. If I liked what I saw I could engage, talk a bit, ask a couple of on the spot questions so I could see the reaction. And if everything was a go, I’d offer her to check out the crib or at least make a plan for the next meeting.


We confirmed a date and time. We were to meet in a food court in a mall that I know rather well. I told her what location I’d be in and what I’d be wearing while drinking a Starbucks frap. She could seat herself at my table or next to me depending on her comfort level. She was married, and discretion was a priority. Never know who you will run into at a local mall.
Best part was, If I didn’t meet her standards of attraction, or If I felt the same we could just abort. No harm no foul. Remember, always stay in control and don’t change your plan.


Folks I’m short on time. I’ll be finishing with part 3 about the meeting and how the mission was completed in about a week. Hard to find the time.


Again, look forward to your comments.

 

Whenever I am lookinh for a hookup I just hang around the bowling alley not wearing any underwear. Works every time.