Need help with a little line of my song

Hi there,

songwriter need a little help for a single line ... i just want to know
if my poetry is ok or to childish or wrong spelled. I am foreigner tho this
is not my native language. anyway, lets begin.

Turn around . Upside Down . Lost direction .
Till the water . Relief the soul .

Its all about the second line. Its fits good to the song but i know its
not good written (?)

As you might know the line before was "till the water relieves the soul"
Then i turned it into "Till the water . Relief the soul ."

Sounds like the last is ok. But i am afraid that "Till the water" needs to
be fulfilled with a verb tho. Hmmm ... i tried to exchange the "till the"
with a noun tho. But then i totally loose the meaning between the water
and the relief of the soul.

Does a single "Till the water." is ok? Does it sounds like baby blahblah ?
Or do anyone knows how i can fix it?

kind regards
bukkobekka

 

Some English fine tuning for your 2nd line as it is..

"Till" is a word used for Plough (UK English) or Plow (US English).
If you want the shortened version of Until it is 'til.

"Relief the soul" should be Relieve the soul.

 

To "till" something in English generally refers to preparing land to be used to grow crops. So to use "till" in this way (referring to water, not a crop) would be incorrect from a grammatical standpoint and could confuse the audience. However, the other issue is, what exactly are you trying to convey?

If you are referring to a point in time, use the word "until." An example would be "I cannot go to the store UNTIL my mother comes home from work." The word "until" is used to denote a passage of time. Therefore, if you are trying to convey that the soul's relief won't happen before the water washes over it, you will want to use "until" or some other phrase denoting time. If you want to use the word "till" but still mean it as the word "until," the abbreviation of " 'til" is perfectly acceptable. An example would be "How many more hours 'til Mom gets home from work?" Technically, it's not an abbreviation since abbreviation refers to the shortening of an end of a word. When you shorten a word by removing the first few letters, it's actually called a truncation. I know, I know, English is weird.

However, if you are NOT referring to a passage of time, and instead are referring to a physical activity related to the water, choose a word that English speakers directly relate to an aquatic activity. You say "till the water" and since to "till" is to prepare for planting, the implication could be that you simply do not know how to describe what you mean in relation to water and not solid ground. To convey an inability to move forward, try "treading water" or "churning water" or something similar. Treading water is when people don't swim or move forward in the water, but instead kick their legs just enough to keep their head above water. Like stationary doggy paddling (if you get the reference). Churning water refers to water that is full of motion and activity, usually as a result of a storm. It is not a very positive phrase because of its association with hurricanes, tidal waves, floods, etc.

Ultimately, you have to decide what you are trying to say. I hope I helped and if you need further clarification, I would be happy to assist you.

 

hey thank you both. I meant "''til"

'til the water relieve(s) the soul ...

@RiderOnTheStorm2.0 can we pm? May i need help with the whole piece. If its ok with you.

 

You may absolutely PM me. I'd be happy to help you out. However, Monday is a holiday here in the States, so I will be out of town until Tuesday and as such, I will not be able to respond until next week. But I promise I will respond to your PM as soon as I am able to do so.

 

sorry to push this thread. but i cant write a pm to you, rideronthestorm2.0. i tried your email instead. did u get one ?

kind regards
bukkobekka