ok so first time I've been out really. I tend to say I'm a lesbian to guys I don't like I was in a place where there were a lot of unlikeable men... You know. Anyhow it came to it and I began saying I was lesbian because I was scared didn't want end up pummeled for saying what I really wanted to say. I considered myself straight for half of my 18 years almost... The other half I thought I was lesbian. I went throug early puberty at 6 I officially started puberty. But at 2 I grew leg hair at 4 I had a growth spurt and need deodorant. I started sexual feelings at 3. They were for women and girls my age I didn't see beauty in males until 10 and my feelings for naked women were strong and lustful as they've always been mostly directed at women's breasts. They look so yummy to me they always have. I want to kiss and touch and carress them and the urges always pop up when I see a girl. And I just like how women's bodies curve. I have very bold lustful urges for females. Even when I see a woman's privates it gets me excited. With guys, my feelings crept up subtly. Like I can see guys shirtless I get not much but I try tonot look because if I do I'll end up staring. I tend to stare at guys but I shy away from that and try not to do it as much. I'm shy around guys their rejection means a lot to me. While a girl's doesn't. Mainly because most guys are wired to be attracted to women while most women aren't. So I trust male instincts more and therefore like it when they're attracted to me. But I've had small urges with guys. But thwyre small. I'm nowhere near as bold as I am with women. I also find guys mysterious and am definantly curious about them. Like what sex is like with one. I'm curious mostly because I've never been around a male. But I also have a type of guy I'm crazy abiut and am far more picky with guys and put them on a pedalstool. Like they're the real thing but I'm so easy to adore females over most average males. I never get those crazy shy feelings over girls but I never get those urges with guys. With a guy I like I get so like blushy shy scared and nervously almost butterflies when around them while girls I could openly go up to any girl and tell her all of how attractively gorgeous she is even if she doesn't like me I don't care I'm really bold and open about how I like girls but guys scare me to be rejected. Does this make me lesbian who just is unfamiliar about guys? Bisexual or completely straight? I only want to have sex or date or even kiss a guy. I prefer gay porn (men) and straight porn. And I have fantasies about lots of guys. I've never dated a guy or a girl. I'm a virgin with everything. My parents sheltered me. I'm 18 most guys find me attractive. But only a few of whom I'd ever find attractive back. I don't like the typical muscled guy but I like hairy skinny guys tall prefferably.
Yeah, you may want to read up on precocious puberty, and use your own judgement as to what that means for you, dont listen to anyone else. I think from memory 10-14 for girls, 12-15 for guys roughly is considered "normal" range. 6 years old would put you in that first couple of percent. I say use your own judgemment because not many people at all are going to understand hitting puberty that early. And also its something you are not supposed to let the male population (and sectons of the female population for that matter) know, that some girls are already thinking of sex so early. At least give consideration to what that means, spending years 6 to 10, most girls around you havent hit puberty yet, guys that age still think girls are icky so dont have all that much to do with you. So it really just ends up focusing on whats around you at the time. Compared to a girl that hits puberty later on the same time most boys start - wasnt getting 'rejected' by boys early on cos neither her or the guys were thinking that way yet. Also read up on non gender conformity, if you started puberty at 6 you may have ended up being a babe, but back at 4 years old it may have meant you were already a bit chunkier or curvier than average and not really treated the same as the other girls, a lot of female adults around you already overprotective. You dont have to neccessarily be treated like a boy, can be just as much about not being treated like other girls. I say that cos there is a lot of stuff out there that suggests a lot of "confusion" later on in life with GLBT comes from that non conformity in early childhood Also maybe just not think in terms of binary math, everythings either 0 or 1, Gay or Bi arent specific enough. But differential calculus, a complex equation of what you were or werent born with, what you were or werent born destined to end up like, when how and why you hit puberty, what everyone else thinks you are, how hot you are, what gets you hot the most, what your libido is compared to everyone else, and what everyone else is going to believe anyway. Male and asexual often gets confused with gay, cos they arent running around drooling at every girls boobs, whereas female and asexual they just thing you are a goldigger cos you can hold out for an infinite number of dates
idk what it was the whole rejection thing I just developed it over time. Also as a child I seemed the same as any other kid they were just subtle and I kept those feelings to myself pretty well.
