My husband and I have been married for almost 4 yrs. There was some infidelity in the beginning. But recently I have been feeling like maybe we need to sleep with other people. Like it might help us? But I am so scared he might like another woman more and divorce me. Also we have considered having a 4 sum with our friend and his wife. That I wouldnt mind, but if I just started allowing my husband to sleep with anyone at any time that he may develope feelings for someone else and leave me. Idk what to do
I think you just answered yourself. I think it's either free love or committed relationship; very rarely do both work together smoothly. Just my opinion. Why don't you work on your sex life with your husband so you may not feel the need to sleep with other people?
So u mean divorce and love freely? No strings attached and only be freidns with benefits with eachother? What do u mean by commited relationship exactly? I want us to be able to freely have sex with others, but still have our soul connection, our love be the most important without other people coming into the picture and possibly ruin that.
I honestly dont get how people do it. I slept with a guy who was in an open relationship... it was just sex and they both knew it... and their relationship was great, they had sex with others but NO ONE ever came in between that.
Or like my friends, they are in a commited relationship... they plan to get married, but they have 3,4,5+ sums, orgys.... everything but it is only JUST SEX, they never develope feelings for the other people they sleep with. I just dont know how people do it lol
I guess the real answer is that some people are just suited to it. I count myself as one of them. However, much as I think free love and open relationships are a great way to live your life it definitely isn't for everyone. Or even most people. If you are prone to jealousy or feeling insecure about your relationship trying to open things out could be a very bad idea. It certainly shouldn't be a way of patching up problems. An open relationship (swinging) is also a bad idea if you have trouble separating sex and love - unless you want to become polyamorous (more than one long term loving relationship). At the heart of free love are ideas like trust an openness. Its important you discuss, and stick to, limits. Its also important you trust your partner to fully disclose everything to you and that you are able to openly and honestly communicate and work through any problems or feelings of insecurity. If you want to know more about this I'd recommend reading some books on the subject, like The Ethical Slut by Dossie Easton and Janet W Hardy.
The title of that book made me giggle a little. The ethical slut. To be honest with you, I dont know if that lifestyle WOULD or wouldnt work for my husband and I because we have never done it, either in our marriage or in the past so it is REALLY hard to say. My jealousy comes from the infidelity that I am lied to about, or that is done behond my back. Now something on an open relationship or free love, I honestly cant say how I would feel about it :/ lol
My husband & I had an open marriage for the first years of our marriage and we enjoyed it very much. It was fun but then we slowly grew stronger and stronger in love (can't really explain) - we just grew to where we only wanted each other (in the parties we were finding ourselves together more and more) and then decided to try for a baby and that ended extra partners for me - but he just stopped too, I suppose in support for me. I never got the baby but we remained exclusive. I would advise giving it a try but with an agreement that if either of you finds it too difficult then talk and make a new arrangement. If you are insecure or have jealousy it will be difficult for you. It should be seen is more like sex as a sport and not a love bond. Our sex life started out as just that and evolved into the other.
My lady and I live a swinging lifestyle with others! Not open, because we only do it with each other there. Works great for us. In my opinion it is not for people that are not already in a strong, confident and secure relationship with each other. It is not a fix for something that is bad and I can only see it being a problem if that is the case. As far as someone cheating on me I would kick them to the curb so fast no matter what the circumstance was.
Bit of a thread bump, but I'd like to give my two cents about this. Monogamy is, at heart, a social construct. Aside from religious teaching (and now we have a developed society, practicality reasons), there's nothing to say monogamy is intrinsically preferred. If a couple have no qualms about sexual involvement with other people, there isn't really anything stopping them. But like I've mentioned, we've got to a point now where monogamy makes things easier, because we've adapted our society to suit. Animals are generally polygamous because their way of life doesn't require them to have one sexual partner at a time. We've developed complex emotions of guilt, greed and insecurity. Having more than one sexual partner may cause these feelings to surface. Moreover, society has developed a collective morality in which promiscuity is frowned upon as reckless and destructive to family life. I disagree with this, because I believe as autonomous individuals we have the power to construct our own lives as we wish. We can have multiple sexual partners and still have a loving environment in the family home. Sexuality has become something of a dirty word, kept hidden as an entity of shame and something that can damage children. On the contrary, repressing sexuality in such a way is probably the reason why we have so many children growing up sexually confused. While there is nothing wrong with monogamy if a couple are perfectly happy with each other, labelling any other way of life in a derogatory way is harmful. But in the end, I think we should just adopt a "Whatever works" mentality. If you and your partner think free love is a good choice, you're more than free to practice it. If not, then be monogamous. That's the beauty of existence.
As long as both of you are talking truly about your wants needs and desires, and figure out your boundries, then go enjoy yourselves. If either is just doing a thing for the other, it will usually end in hard feelings. Open up and be honest with each other, you should be able to tell your mate/spouse/SO whatever is on your mind. Just talk about it!!
