I'm absolutely sick to the bones with my ex. We have a 16 month old child together and we split 4 months ago because it was a horrible controlling relationship. I have a new partner, we are taking things slow and all seems to be well. But my ex is still controlling my life and I can't do anything about it. He very rarely sees his daughter, says he is coming and then never shows up. Then moans to everybody else that he never sees her. He lived back with his mum when I kicked him out, ten minutes from my place, very easy to get here and see his kid - he still didnt, he went out and got drunk and slept with girls and took drugs instead. My daughter was hospitalised for 5 days due to dehydration, hospital being a 30 second walk from his mums - he didnt visit her. One text I got, one pathetic text asking about her. Yet he continued to rant and rave to the rest of the world that he wished he could be by her side, 30 seconds walk away.... Now, the fucker has got himself a new girl, moved 40 miles away to live with her and her kids and they've been together for about 3 weeks. He tells me that I've ruined his chances at a relationship with his daughter because I ended our relationship. Thank god I did, I tried to get rid of him so many times, the final straw was when he said he would leave so when he did I locked the door, an hour later he returned screaming through the door, kicking it trying to get in, he threatened to kill me. When I gave in and opened the door he grabbed my daughter from my arms and refused to let her go, she was crying and he was screaming abuse at me, she ended up falling asleep and I persuaded him to let me put her in bed, then when he had fallen asleep I took her and we went to my mums for a few days. I came back and he was packing his things to leave for good. But I have a problem, he still has my house keys (the spare pair) and refuses to give them back. So anytime he could just get in and take her or hurt me... He is still on the lease so I guess he is within his legal right to keep them. I want him to just fuck off and leave us alone OR be a dad and have a proper relationship with his child!!! She was crying earlier when she found out he wasn't coming, she ran to the frint door, tried to put her shoes on and was crying 'daddy' and I'm the one who has to make her feel okay again whilst he sits on his arse with his new girlfriend and her kids. Most people tell me not to bother with him, and I don't really, but I feel bad on my child, he was a good dad to her and she enjoys spending time with him. Erggggh
Speak To Your Landlord, And Come To An Agreement With Him/Her To Change The Locks.... Problem Solved. Cheers Glen.
To me, it would seem that having no contact with dad at all may be emotionally better for the child instead of the roller coaster of 'Is dad visiting toady?' and the inevitable let down. I've seen a child go through this. It's heart breaking.
I live in a block of flats, so I could get my personal front door changed but not the main building, he could still get in, the doors aren't very strong really...
I feel like I only have 2 choices. 1- continue to let him rule my life and be a shit person so that i dont piss him off and dont provoke him to come over and kick off or.. 2- tell him to go away, change the locks to my front door, probably endure threats and probably even get taken to court over custody (which he already threatened just because I asked for a bit of money), and still know that he could get into the building I live in and easily kick down my door, he would have motive to do this too... I feel even more trapped without him living here than I did when he was living here!
In case you end up going option 2 - start documenting everything now. Every time he comes over. Every time he's a no-show. Every threat...etc.
I have been for the past 4 months! Death threats, court threats, telling me he won't pay, dropping our child home early whilst drinking...it goes on. I should have known it would happen, he did the same to his previous girlfriend and his first child. Now hes doing it to me and his second child.
When we first started seeing eachother I had no idea he even had a child. Then I found out and he gave me some sob story about the mother apparently running off and refusing him access because he didnt want a sexual relationship with her. I believed it too, he would make it seem like he was really this amazing guy. The relationship kind of fizzled out, I was angry at him constantly and we had quite a lot of fairly violent fights and we split on fairly mutual terms....two months later I'm looking at a positive pregnancy test. Hadn't spoken to him at all in these two months, go for a scan to find that I'm 13 weeks pregnant and have to call him and let him know. He managed to persuade me into being togeyher again for the sake of the child (I was young (17), scared and basically alone so I gave in). And I think from around our child being 3 months old I had been trying everything to get rid of him... I found out that the real reason he couldnt see his child was because he was cheating on the mum during her problematic pregnancy, then when the baby was born he was turning up drunk and causing arguments with her infront of their newborn... My mistake though. I got an amazingly clever and beautiful child from it, but sometimes I think if I could go back in time....I would it makes me feel so so guilty saying that but he's a horrible and manipulating person who is only in it for himself and I feel terrible for bringing another child into his line of destruction
Can you take him to court and try to get full custody? If you can show the judge that hes emotionally traumatizing your child, doesn't ever give financial or emotional support, and has shown abusive behavior in front of the child I see no reason why a judge wouldn't award you full custody. If you're worried about him coming into your apartment you could even go as far as issuing a restraining order.
Sounds like another manchild to me. Kids love manchildren because they can relate to them, but that doesn't make them good fathers. A good father would have visited his daughter when she was in the hospital, NO MATTER WHAT. Get your locks changed - if your landlord won't do it, do it yourself, or pay someone to do it and have them bill your landlord. Manchildren are usually the ones who kidnap their own children. In my opinion, it's a safety issue and you should approach your landlord from that position. It's not a big deal to re-key a lock, and this is the kind of thing that landlords have to deal with when they decide to rent out property. Is the manchild still paying rent? In either case, I don't see why he can't be removed from the lease. Kicking doors down and threatening your life - these are illegal things, and there's a reason for it. You should have gotten the police involved right then.
Don't know about over the pond,but here when legal action is taken to get support,the court orders the dad to pay a certain amount and if he doesn't pay,his drivers license and/or his trade license (electrician,for example)will be suspended,which gives them a strong incentive to take care of business. Sounds like you need to take immediate legal action against this dipshit. This is going to hurt your child,no matter what you do,so try and be prepared to explain to your daughter that it's not her fault at all and that some grown-ups are not really grown up. I'm sorry for the both of you having to deal with this. The kids are helpless in these situations. If you are afraid he's going to actually hurt you or your daughter---arm yourself.
The more I think about it the more it angers me to no end. All he ever did was put me down, tell me I was shit, tell me all this crap about life which I've started to learn just isn't true. He thinks just because I'm 7 years younger that I know nothing compared to him when i know for a fact I've been through tougher shit than hes ever imagined. He completely ruined me, turned me from a happy and 'high hopes' person into someone who just kind of gave up even trying, luckily and thankfully I have an amazing partner now who has began to show me that life can be okay and that not all men are selfish and evil. Thing is, I want to take legal action, I honestly do, but I am also honestly really scared about doing so. My child is my only best interest, I put aside all the crap he dealt me so that he could have a healthy relationship with her, one minute he is the worlds best dad and takes her out to nice places etc and the next he just forgets she exists and then I have to pick up the pieces. I'm a major pushover and I know I am too. I say yes to him seeing her because I'm so run down with being 24/7 mum and need a break and I think that's probably where I've messed up and been really selfish. I actually remember him saying (about his ex and other daughter) that she would resent her mum for breaking contact with him, but now I'm in her situation I wholly understand why she did what she did. I'm not sure I have the balls, I've got no support from family/friends and the only person I speak to really is his mum which makes it so much more awkward because my daughter still visits his family, and fairly frequently too. Whenever I threaten with custody or legal action over money its just 'shut up and grow up' or 'whatever'...its like he just doesn't care, not even willing to put up a fight for her
I got my keys back. I decided that he was too much of an idiot to know what the legal terms were so I just threatened to call the police on him, and then I drove the stupid 30/40 mile drive to get them because he said 'If you want them come and get them' probably without thinking I actually would. When I got them he threw them out the window and called me a c**t...wasn't particularly interested in the fact his daughter was in the back of the car and he easily could have come down and said hello to her... I then noticed he deleted me from facebook, good move on him seeing as I basically only had him on there to gather evidence. So I decided to just block his account altogether, meaning he won't be able to see any new photos of the little one or contact me at all on there. Now, I'm hoping we will be left in peace. If he starts harassing me on my phone then I'll probably change my number. My dude is already extremely annoyed at him constantly sending me abuse and not actually asking about his daughter at all in the midst of it all. His mum still see's our daughter and she sometimes stays over there if I'm doing any volunteer work or fancy a night with just me and my dude. So he has the chance to see her if he really wants to (although I don't let him know she is there, but I'm sure his mum probably does) and I know that his mum would not let her out of her sight so he probably won't attempt to take her... His mum tends to tell me things that he does anyway because she thinks he is being a completely selfish prick too.
At least Gramma is a sweatheart. Sorry to hear this MP. Sounds like the best thing is to just let him fade away for awhile. When he is forgotten then go for total custody. Just because he's the Father it doesn't make him a Dad.
