Abused

Here's a little story about the shit I've been through. (Most of this is copied from somewhere else, telling someone about it. Thought I would share my experience, even though it's terrifying to talk about.)

I met this guy in college. He was 40 and I was 22. He seemed nice. He was handsome and appeared to be very gentle. I never saw age as being important in a relationship so I gave him a chance. Everything he said was a lie. We started dating, and about the same time I got pregnant (4 months into the relationship) he started beating me.

He literally beat me while I was 6 months pregnant, all through my pregnancy. It's a wonder I never miscarried. Had me arrested 3 times by lying and saying I started the fights. I did eventually have him arrested, once I was so pregnant there was no denying that I was innocent. He beat me all the time and always got away with it.

I may have been young, but I was lied to. Manipulated, mistreated and abused. He raped me once, even! I had concussions, busted lips, cuts on my forehead. I had a job and he didn't. I had to go in to work and lie to my coworkers about why I had black eyes. I lied. Eventually I found someone to trust and told her what was going on. I thank God for her every day. She helped me to realize that even though I was having his kid, I didn't have to stay with him.

By the time I was 8 months pregnant I left him. He called me all sorts of things, even attempted to hire a hit man to off me so I wouldn't have the baby. What started all the fights was him drinking, and then assuming I was fucking everyone in the neighborhood. Which I wasn't, I'm a loyal partner and I've never cheated on anyone.

When I was in the delivery room, he showed up. It is his kid after all. He acted like nothing had happened and tried to get me to come back to him. I said no. He left me in the hospital, alone. I trusted him one more time on the day our son was born, and he fucking left me. He called 3 days later and told me to never contact him again that he didn't know who's bastard child that was! The next time I saw him was in court and I haven't seen him since. He still obcesses over me, writing things on his FB about how he sees me here and there. Even once he said he beat up my husband, which NEVER happened. He's a lier. That's the whole reason I trusted him in the first place.

So, if I come across hesitant or misguided, it's because I have PTSD. Not that I blame all of my problems on that, but it's a serious situation. I almost died a number of times. He choked me once and I passed out.

So.... that's my story. It's humiliating and terrifying to discuss it. But maybe just getting it out, in this format, will help me heal from it, if even a little. I don't talk about it often. It hasn't even been 2 years since it happened, since I left. I still have nightmares, I still can't be around men or look them in the eye. I don't even leave my house because I'm afraid of running into him OR afraid my husband will start acting like him and accuse me of the same things he did. I live in my own personal hell. So everyone who thinks they know me, think again. I'm not what I appear online!

 

Should have left him after the first lie, way before the first hit.

Get some self-respect guurrrrl!

 

WOW - really? I never thought of that...

Maybe you should learn some respect.

 

you dont have any big brothers or uncles.. or crazy nutty friends with welding tools?

 

I wish! I do have a brother but he has schizophrenia, he would probably torch himself first! LOL (Jokes are funny haha!)

My dad was sooo pissed he wanted to murder the guy himself. But, we are peaceful people and he knows better than that!

 

Why didn't you do it, then?

 

I was having his kid! I wanted to make it work, he promsied he would stop hurting me but he never did. I'm not dumb, I knew I shouldn't have been in that situation. I'm just very forgiving and maybe a little dumb! *eyeroll*

Until you've lived it you will never understand it. I went through rounds of counselling to try to understand it. It's a "cycle of violence" and it's not that I never thought about leaving, it was the manipulation that kept me there.

 

As long as you admit it, honey. Believe me, it's the first step.

I've had 6 kids, not all of them have the same father... and over time I've found that the less the man is in the picture, even if you love him, the easier that pregnancy will be. iggy:

 

Whatever. Maybe you just don't know how to keep a man, or maybe they just can't put up with your attitude!

 

LOL! You're the one with the deep south trash attitude.

I'm at peace with the great buddha. In my entire life, no man has divorced me, while I have divorced several. You know, letting men beat you isn't really the way to keep 'em... but you're still young, maybe one day you'll learn. :mickey::sunny:

 

Okay!

 

Dixie. It's always interesting to hear a personal story and yours is. You know,I hear about this shit --and read about men like this and it's just hard to believe men like this are around and do this stuff to women. What he did to you is so out of bounds that it makes me wonder how you kept from just killing the bastard. I'm generally a gentle person,but if you and this prick lived close to me--well,lets just say that crap would have been taken care of. In certain things--I don't mind my own business.
I hope you can heal up--you definately need to talk this out with someone,a professional that can help you get over the pain and fear. I would suggest a woman for it.
By the way,aren't there any men in your life-a brother or cousin or someone that can give him "a talking to"? Maybe your hubby?
What the previous poster said about self respect shows a lack of knowledge about how women can get trapped in this kind of behaviour. Hang in,sweetheart--better days are coming.
And how is your child? Boy? Girl?

 

OK. I see your dad wanted to do something. In my mind,he would have been justified. Anyone fuck with ANY of my kids and most bets are off.

 

Thanks scratcho. It's nice that some people aren't trash and can actually have a heart.

I would sick my husband on him but it's done and over and I don't want to bring that negativity back into my life. I'm trying to get over it.

My son is beautiful. Intelligent and a real go-getter. Everyone says he's the best baby they have ever seen. I'm so glad I got him out of that situation.

 

Well,I guess you are doing the right thing there. Peace is better than war. I'm a hothead ONLY when someone or some animal is being abused.
Here's wishing you ,your hubby and beautiful little boy a bunch of happiness!!! Sounds like you are getting it together.

 

Make sure that you watch your son for any violent behavior. If you see some, take him to a shaman immediately, so that he could go on a spirit quest and have his power animal show him the error of his ways.

Or otherwise he'll end up like his father.

 

He has his mother, and his father. His sperm donor is a piece of shit!

I am in touch with my inner faith and am sure I can teach him on my own. I don't need some "enlightened" guy teaching my son how to worship rabbit bones and drink snake oil! Maybe you should see someone to figure the error in your ways before you start passing judgement on my kid!

 

My ways are those of the Cherokee (cue Europe song). How dare you question our ancient ways! The ancient Cherokee spirits will not forever hunt down and curse your family and child!!!!!!!

 

ooooooooooooo-scary!

 

Whatever, <snipped by moderation team>
You know why the Cherokee and all other Indians died out? Because they were worshiping the wrong god!