Hi Everyone, I'm looking for some good sound advice, that may help with a problem that im having at the moment. My wife doesnt really enjoy when I give her oral. Obviously I picked up on this a long time ago. This ended up turning into a topic for argument (probably my male pride) Anyway, my wife ended up telling me that I am no good at oral. Major knock to the self confidence, to know that I cant please my wife orally. From a female perspective. Can any females give me advice on what I should or should not be doing? I will be grateful for all good advice, as this is a situation that is knocking my self confidence, and causing arguments in my marriage. Thanks!
This is where the problem gets more complicated. My wife isnt fully comfortable with oral, therefore I dont think is relaxing enough... she says it doesnt really do anything for her, so its hard to know what she likes. Im not sure if the problem is that from age 17 to 31 she only ever had 2 orgasms, both times she squirted (ex boyfriends) This year we discovered if she lies on her front and rubs herself whilst I come from behind on top of her, she has multiple orgasms.. this makes her very happy indeed. But all those years of not havng orgasm, I think may have a part to play in this. She doesnt orgasm if laying on her back and rubbing herself either??
I do sympathise with you. It is an awkward and difficult situation you are in. Maybe she only said you were no good at it in the heat of the argument and that is not really the issue. It's possible I guess that she simply doesn't like it. I knew a guy once that didn't like me sucking his cock. Only guy ever but there you go. It's conventional wisdom that couples should talk about sex and communicate their needs, likes and dislikes but I think talk is overrated and sometimes it's just too difficult and embarassing to talk frankly about sex with your partner. So, contrary to conventional wisdom, my first piece of advice to you is not to talk to her about it again. When you do go down on her don't make it a big production. Make it just a part of the overall sex play and foreplay. Kiss her mouth. Kiss and caress her entire body, lick and suck her nipples, her stomach, her upper, inner thighs, then dart in for a quick lick of her clit. Then go back to the rest of her body. Treat her **** as if it's no different to any other part of her body and always focus on her clit. I don't think I'm alone when I say that my clit is the centre of my sexual universe. I think perhaps a lot of women are not comfortable with a man just "going to town" on her **** and feel a lot more comfortable when they just focus on her clit. When she becomes more comfortable with your mouth on her clit and she is used to you treating it the same as the rest of her body, gradually spend more time on it. If it is just a question of technique then try sucking it gently, then hard, then gently again. Try rubbing your tongue up and down on it. Don't try to do too much and don't keep varying your technique. Suck it or lick it but don't jump from one to the other. I'd suggest you start with just sucking on it. But only because that works best with me. Suck on it until she pushes you away or she orgasms. If you aren't sure exactly where her clit is then do a Google search and find a diagram. Clits come in all shapes and sizes but they are all in about the same location. The other thing is that I think women find it a real turn off when a guy approaches this wih the sole intent of making her orgasm to prove his sexual prowess. Don't so this. I hope this helps.
Thank you. Thats more along the lines of advice I am seeking. When you say suck it.. do you mean just suck like the way someone would suck on a lozenge type deal?
Really you should be able to talk sex without embarrassment. But really, you guys have a thing where she gets multiple orgasms; go with what works. That means, what works for her. She might just not be into oral and it's NOT a reflection on you.
Maybe it is a bit of male pride. I somehow feel less masculine because I cannot pleasure her orally. It doesnt help thta twice before with ex partners, she has squirted either. However, you do make sense.. I suppose multiple orgasms via intercourse is very enjoyable for us both. I should be happy with that. Yet I am still hung up on the oral situation.
You really need to forget your male pride and re-think your ideas about sex. If your wife suspects that's what's behind your oral sex thing then it's a real turn off and could even be the root cause of the problem. Sex isn't something that one person does to another. It's something two people do together.
Thank you. I appreciate the advice.. and to be honest, I feel more confident today than I did yesterday. As I slightly understand things better from the female perspective now. I reckon theres still a long road ahead though.
