You & Your Parents Relationship Bond

Are you (or were you) in a closer bond with one of your parents than the other or with both of them?
Is one a better parent than the other.
My father (now deceased) was much better as parent than my mother.
Anyone else have a much closer bond with one of their parents?
I lived with my grandparents for 9 yrs until I were married.
My grandmother was more like a mother to me than my own one.
I inherited some of my father's great talents - great sense of humour etc.
He was my favourite parent & I loved him heaps.
My mother was never really great at being a mother, grandmother or mother in law.
Never visited us after we got married & we lived in the same small town - she only came to see us on our birthdays.
Rarely has she acknowledged my wife's birthday - they got on well but some just don't make good parents at all?

 

I haven't seem my Dad in atleast 14 years now, so we don't have any relationship what so ever, my bond with my mother is so-so, we get on fine, but we have completely different views on the world and she can't seem to accept that i have different opinions than her and she doesn't agree with some of my life choices, I am trying to create a better bond with her but it is hard.

 

My mum and I have a strange relationship. It's quite sad really.

She stayed in an unhappy relationship with my dad for mine and my sisters sake. She told nobody this, for the ten out of 18 years of marriage that she was so unhappy, she got very ill with depression. During the days my sister and I would fend for ourselves because our dad was at work. My mum would lock herself in a room for half the day and sleep for the other half. During my school years I went off the rails on drugs, got into trouble in and out of school with police, I was generally not a very nice person to be around. This amplified my mums depression majorly, she was never the same person I remembered again. I had no idea she had depression because no one told me, they kept it a secret, so I didnt realise I was making things so much worse. She left unexpectedly when I was 15, I just dont think she could handle anymore. She admitted to us that she had felt this way for so long. The saddest part was that we had just started getting close, I'd calmed down a lot and we would have 'girly' nights in together. That all stopped when she left, we barely spoke at all. My dad had no clue either that she hadn't been in love with him for ten years, everyone that knew them thought they were the happiest couple alive. He was, and still is, deeply in love with her.

He was a good dad, after working long hours he would come home, cook dinner, wash up, clothes washing, he did everything everyday because he had to, because our mum just couldn't.

I live alone now, and rarely see either of them. I see my mum most but there are so many feelings we both hold back, being together too long becomes awkward, I try really hard to make her feel as comfortable as possible but she won't stay more than an hour. I know she resents me because I was the reason she stayed unhappy for so long, I was the weird and misunderstood child of the family (my little sister got amazing grades, no trouble, perfect child - and I'm proud of her for that), I was the one who sent her even more downhill, and I feel like I was the one who made her leave, I was a crappy kid from a young age. I know she loves me too but I think that makes it even worse on her, loving someone that you also resent.

I dont know how to describe my relationship with my dad. We talk, see eachother on occasion, and get along, but I definitely got on with him more as a kid, he would be the one who did everything and played with us, told us stories and everything like that. As I grew up I changed and I see the world a lot dufferently than before, and a lot differently to him. I suppose we have very little in common, he doesnt agree with much I say, he doesn't believe I'll achieve anything because of how I used to be. He's really close with my sister though, and on occasion has called her his 'star child'...

Love them both to pieces and would do anything for them though, no matter what differences or bottled feelings we have.

 

My mum is actually a complete and total bitch to everyone else except me and my brother, cos I'm still cute and my Brother haw her first Grandkid on the way.

She had disc problems in her lower back recently and this kind of thing really stuff out, to us she was all smiles and hugs, yhanks for taking care of me boys. Whereas at the same time she was ripping in to doctors and nurse, fuck off, do your fucking job etc etc, was actuallyrather amusing.

My dad is one of those crazy fuckers that rants about politics and whats wrong with the world today as soon as you start talking to them, agro to solve everything even though he isnt a big guy, agro at everything to cover up he is dumb as shit so doesnt really het the argument right anyway. Like a chihuahua heavily menstrauting. Early on I thought that was about me, as one does, but nobody can really deal with him
I love my mum, but neither of them I would describe as grown ups

 

My parents separated when I were in my late teens. My mother was the one at fault most of the time & it didn't worry me too much as my father was my better parent. But while they were still living together,I went to my grandparents home for a stay over the school holidays & because I loved my grandmother a lot more than my own mother, I ended up living with grandparents for 9yrs.
Still had plenty of contact with my father & even thou he later left town & moved elsewhere. He returned a few years later & had another better partner. Good choice!

 

My parents are dead, so I have no relationship with them. But I can say that while they were living my mom was the better parent as I recall. My dad was weird and didn't interact with us too much. but I remember he really loved my mom, I guess he just left everything to do with us kids up to mom. They died together in a crash when I was young so I might not be a good authority on their parenting skills.

 

That's so sad. It just sounds like your father was old fashioned though. Was he from that generation where you left the domestic work to the women?

 

I don't have a good relationship with either. We don't fight nor are we rude. I see my mom regularly and she kind of pretends we're close. I never hold back the real me anymore. Her rejection can never hurt me again. As for my dad, ug. He's an alcoholic, OCD, controlling, awkward. Although he was reliable about child support, and gave me lots of adventures. I see him once/year or so.

 

He was a real stoner hippy type - they both were. I did over hear a neighbor comment that my dad was just too in love with my mom to have love left over for us kids. he was always sending us out of the house on errands - I think back now and think he was just gettin alone time with mom.

 

Haha, well hopefully you didn't take that too hard. At least you had your mum.