I Fought Myself and Found Myself the Loser.

I had a hell of a trip yesterday lasting long into the night. I took 2g of shrooms yesterday at 3p. I was kind of underwhelmed by the experience (I had practically no visuals) and so about 6 hours later I took a tab of "acid," which was actually 25i. That kind of bummed me out and made me a bit uncomfortable. However, after an hour or so, I still wasn't feeling much so my friends (my roomie and I were tripping on the same amount of shrooms and 25i and the other guy had done 2 hits and a bunch of morning glories that I gave him) and I decided to go down to this field and smoke a blunt. I probably took about 6 hits or so.

Within about 10 minutes, my reality began changing. I had been listening to the album In N' Out by Joe Henderson through my ipod speakers. The incredible complexity of McCoy Tyner's piano playing on the title track just completely blew my mind. I found myself in absolute awe of it, laughing and gasping at the incredible detail. Mental barriers came down in my brain and I saw reality as it truly is. I saw a tree in four dimensions. My vision was so overrun with detail that my brain began fabricating images to cover up the real ones and avoid an information overload. I was filled with terror upon seeing the full truth of reality displayed before me so frankly. It wasn't so much that I saw my reality altered. When I got back to my room I looked at the wall and I simply knew that it was covered in eyes. I tried listening to the most calming song that I could find. I know you guys are going to laugh at this but I put on Kenny Loggins' cover of Rainbow Connection. It was too much stimulation though so I had to put on something unfamiliar that my mind would not try to relate to. This part was especially hilarious, because I put on Relaxin' by Miles Davis, and it just tripped me out so bad. I was listening to it on Youtube, and the album cover was the only thing on the video. However, the video kept doing weird things. For four or five seconds in the first song the album cover flipped upside-down, then turned over again. Then during the next song the back cover was shown, but this also had a video effect thrown in randomly during the song, where it had a water drop effect applied to it. I'm looking at this now and it really actually happened. See for yourself at 4:02 and 7:25.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vNreXKw2Qw"]Relaxin'

After that I put on the SMiLE Sessions. The music was trance-like and extremely beautiful. At one point during my trip, my vision was covered entirely with yellow flower petals for a moment of maybe half a second or more. This part was beautiful. However, I couldn't fully shake the fear that I felt. I talked to my roommate until about 4am, until which point he went to sleep. I was left alone in the dead of night, unable to sleep in my own bed. I felt extremely edgy and I was still overrun with ideas. I didn't sleep until the sun came up. I am going to school for music currently, and I had an explosion of musical ideas that have still not left me. I feel inspired but terrified. This was definitely one of the most intense experiences I have had in my life.

I think that the reason I was so terrified is because I was afraid to confront my own consciousness. I have had problems with my grip on reality since an early age, and I have done some truly terrible things that could nearly have seriously hurt people physically, and I most definitely have hurt a lot of people emotionally. When I closed my eyes, I was confronted with a kaleidoscopic flow of images, some of which were extremely unpleasant. I saw awful things in those moments, too brief and terrible to remember. I saw vicious monsters and dying infant-like creatures. I knew soon that those were the manifestations of my own character. I tried to escape it because I was afraid of the unknown. I fled my mind and sought refuge in music. I think that this was the wrong decision to make.

This beautiful and terrible reality is slowly fading from my mind, but still lingers in my consciousness. I am afraid.

 

I always advise against electronic devices while tripping. In fact avoid all the trappings of modern civilization if possible.
I'll prolly get flack for saying this but try to reflect on yourself as little as possible...
reflect on the outer world of nature, thats where the secrets lie, not inward.
All you have inside, like most folks, is the sum total of your lifes circumstance and whats been crammed into you since birth...transcending that is the work of a lifetime, not one or two trips.

 

i like how you say to reflect on the outer world of nature rather than inward on yourself. i'm not sure if i agree or not. but i seem to have more enjoyable, memorable, and intense trips when i spend the entire trip in nature. i still bring some way to play music though. music is a must for me.

i think if my trips were more spaced out - like once every year or few years, i would be a different enough person that i would benefit more from looking inward on a psychedelic trip. but since i've tripped many times during this stage of my life, i think i don't learn much new when i look inward.

 

Has anyone else noticed this: since my trip, I have started to anthropomorphize everything around me, like buildings, furniture, even cracks in the sidewalk, etc. It all resembles faces to me. Not that I saw real faces, but I looked at the soap dispenser in the bathroom today and I just KNEW it had a face. Anyone share this?

 

Not necessarily more than usual... You may just be more conscious of something that's normal. Humans, and probably all species of animals, more readily recognize faces in random patterns because that's what we tend to look for. Not to nullify your trip, sometimes it takes a trip to "see more clearly"...