I love my man with all my heart and we both want to get back together. There is a huge obsticle. His pals. I have no desire to control him and how he spends his time, out of pure spite. But a lot of his friends are just plain disrespectful. None of them work and I have been called a loser more than once for working to support BOTH myself and and my man! They are the kind of people who like to act "gangster" and spend every dime they get on coke and porn. Girls who make their way around this circle of guys will have sex right in front of people. They sit and watch porn together and tell me I'm a prude because I feel uncomfortable doing that with people I have only seen a few times! My man will always pay 10 times more attention to his friends than he does to me when they are around, 100% of the time. Not only do I become 2nd, he won't touch me in front of them unless I come out and ask him to, he will wait for everyone to leave the room to say he loves me, and he acts as though I'm just a female roomate, not the girl he has shared a life with for 2 years. I have even asked him to stoop down to their nasty level and talk about OUR sex life. But he says that makes HIM uncomfortable and he won't do it. I am left feeling insecure, disrespected, and with the feeling that I have to compete with his friends for his attention- which leads to huge problems and nasty fights. I don't understand why he is ok with everyone in the room talking crudely about sex and women, but he won't even do it himself to please me! Am I really being that much of a bitch? Am I a prude? I thought the sex talk would be a nice compromise. The thing that REALLY gets me is the fact that he has said over and over, that he doesn't like his friends, he just has no choice. I think that's bullshit. But we bump heads ad it leads to yet another arguement. Should I back off and not expect to be treated with respect when other people are around? Should I really not feel as though I have to compete with them for his attention?
You desreve to be treated with respect!! His freinds sound really imature, and id be surprised if any ever had a girlfriend. I feel for you completely, god i would freek out if i had to deal with boys still stuck in the adolesent phase of porn and bullshit! Does your man watch this crap with them??If so hes just as disrepectful esp with you there!! Its different if couples want to watch to improve there sex life but with a butch of other guys, GROSS!!! HES NOT ANY BETTER THAN THE REST OF THEM IN MY OPINION! If he tells you "oh i dont like them that much" hes just feeding you a line of bull so that youll stay. And whats with the not touching you?? He has some major issues, and im surprised youd put up with this. You shouldnt have to compete! He should show you affection with or without people around, its just not normal. My hubby had a hard time expressing affection in public to at first but for him i know its because hes shy and he got over it within the first few months of us going out. Your bf sounds like hes an ass and is stuck in this i dont give a shit phase and thinks he can do whatever and youll always be there anyways. Not like his friends please, hes just like them. Leave this guy before he shatters your self esteem!! You deserve way better!!Someone who wants you around and dosent disrespect you in front of his friends like this asshole does. Trust me youd be way better off without him.. Good Luck!
I realize this. For a while I thought I really was just a controlling bitch, especially when it was not just him telling me so. I am very sad. we do have great times together and every fun thing I have done in the past two years has been with him. It's hard to let go of that. Plus, I wonder if anyone will love me, or even want me. Who will take care of me when I'm sick? Who will have sex with me? Who will cuddle with me at night. I'm a loser for this, but sometimes I'm so scared of being alone that I'd rather just stay. I would like to go meet someone else, but I know I have to completely end this first and it scares me so much to think about being alone.
Your being way too hard on yourself. Yes of corse theres someone out there that will love you. I know because wen me and my x broke up after 5 yrs i thought the same thing, and was alone for about 9 months until i met the man i married. Those months although hard at first were the hardest because i didnt like being alone either,but as time went on i got my self esteem back, and i was so happy. I didnt have stress, or have to worry about the bullshit i was dealing with prior. I got to go out and do whatever i wanted with my friends, and made tons of new freinds also. You have to love yourself, and have respect for yourself in order to meet the one person who will see these qualitites in you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated. 2 yrs is a long time, but it sounds like 2 yrs of stress and you being taken advantage of. Hon please think of yourself now. Noneone should go through what youve went through these past yrs. Its not going to be easy especially since it sounds like he'll try to say anything to get you to stay with him,but put your foot down and tell him your not going to be a doormat any longer! Stay strong....and be true to yourself
Thanks for the support. I know what i have to do. I may want to wait until after Christmas though. I need a little bit to prepare myself anyway. It's going to be very hard.
sister, I think we've all had those "who else will love me" thoughts when ending a relationship, but in the end it all comes down to the fact that without relationship you'll be happier than with it making you heartsick. The hardest road is ussually the right one. good luck, much love to you
