Hi all!!! So I've been in this long term relationship (5 years) since I was 18 and in my final school year, afterwards went to varsity so had to move away most of my relationship so far has been long distance, and because we were both poor students we couldn't really afford to see each other as often as we wanted... but we always tried and we were together almost every weekend... so now time has passed, we are both working on our careers although i am also still a full time student, we have been through a lot together, basically growing and learning together... he really really loves me a lot and most girls would be insanely lucky to have someone like him in their lives, he really has the complete package... but lately i've been feeling that there's something missing, I've recently went through some life changing experience, gained some self confidence and i just feel like there's so much more out there and life has so much more to offer I shouldn't just be settling for what I have, and I feel so guilty... I really don't want to hurt him, and his happiness means more to me than anything but its just like our relationship is based on a lie (on my behalf), we still only see each other on weekends and we've both sort of developed two separate lives, a "during-the-week" life and our "weekend together" life.... I do love him... but this is really bothering me... don't know if I'm really happy... I've also been getting some attention from other guys and I do enjoy (secretly - I would never cheat, ever) it and it makes me feel even more guilty... but then, he can't give me that same attention because were always apart.... There's lots more to the story but I was wondering if any one else has gone through something similar, maybe stuck out and got married? ANYONE?
I'm not married but it sounds like what your going through is completely normal. Just because you love someone doesn't mean you only have eyes for them.or can't feel flattered by getting noticed in general. Your also going to have to figure out if that something missing in the relationship can be fixed with heart to heart communication. You also probably have a very normal curiosity of what other guys have to offer, which is an itch most people scratch while in high school or early college before settling down and hunting for serious relationships. Might I ask how the sex is in the relationship? Attention to detail, level or orgasm sensation, emotional focus in the act ect.? I should say that even the best husbands and wives sometimes feel in separate worlds because their schedules don't match up because of work or whatever. No matter who your with, effort is always required to stay synchronized with your partner and long distance relationships test this. On the bright side at least long distance relationships today are pretty short compared to the months on end without seeing the wife or husband in the 1700's.
If you choose to breakup acknowledge that feelings get hurt that's just how it goes. Also up and leaving hurts worse, and I say that from a guy's perspective. Also know that if you breakup it probably won't got back to the way things were.
You are exhibiting perfectly normal feelings. It is hard to have a long distance relationship. I would say that if you are not happy, you owe it to yourself and your partner to do something about it. You could start by talking it over, it could be that he feels the same. If that is the case, you may be better to move on and stay friends. I left my previous wife because we had become friends and no more. We talked and decided to split up and move on. I have now found the perfect woman for me. We are married and living our happy ever after.
Thanks for the replies!!! I have to agree with you monkjr, I am curious about how it would be to be with other men... and about how being single feels... you know, going out, not needing permission for anything and not having to worry about pissing someone off when i do something... and doing spur of the moment things... And for our sex life... well, he was my first, we were together for about a year before we had sex... sometimes It's great, other times I just feel so disconnected from him, I'm just doing it so he can be satisfied, I have no desire to have sex with HIM (most of the time), rather see myself with other men... although I think about sex all the time, and I do like sex, might have some insecurities that I need to sort out... also I can't really compare our sexual experiences to anything else coz, you know, he's been the only one.... We've had heart to heart discussions before, I basically asked him to move closer or we have to end the relationship, (which I know is unfair coz I can't expect him to change his whole life for me) and he basically said he cant do it... so after many discussions etc etc... I told him that I would give it time and try to make it work because I don't want to give up on us too soon.... but everytime I tell him that I end up secretly crying myself to sleep....
