Boyfriend + porn

in another thread i posted about how my boyfriend likes random pages on facebook that have random hot girls posted daily (ex. xxxhot girls daily xxx). i wasnt sure what to make of it because while it bothered me, i didnt know if it was worth talking about with him.

my boyfriend and i watch porn sometimes and i don't mind it if he watches porn because porn is pretty straightforward with its purpose. its different when he likes random hot chicks on facebook because what is the motivation behind hitting the like button? anyways, with porn, it's okay if we watch it sometimes. for me i'm really picky though and i mostly cant take it seriously whereas my bf can pretty much get off to whatever we are watching. hes really into porn and knows a lot of porn stars, for me i barely know any and i watch it rarely. lately ive been finding it annoying because i feel like it takes the intimacy away from when we have sex. when we're just doing foreplay and if theres porn on, he'll ask me if i like the way the porn stars aare doing such and such and to be honest i dont really care about whats happening in the video, and i dont really liek it when he compares me to what theyre doing

is it selfish that i want to be the main person he focuses on when we're having sex? i get it's a fantasy thing but idk it doesnt really turn me on/it's not as fun for me when we watch porn anymore

can someone explain to me why he is so into porn? or why it's so fascinating for a lot of guys? our sex life is good and i'm pretty sure it's something he's been into way before we met... so im not sure if i should let it bother me or what. it's just weird how differently guys and girls view the opposite sex. if i were to go through photos of random attractive dudes it wouldnt really do anything for me, its just superficial

 

I felt badly about porn at one point, I had just had our baby (3 weeks before) and I took her out for the day for the first time alone and returned to my (ex)partner getting off to porn. It really upset me as I physically couldnt pleasure him, I felt fat, ugly, tired, I was in lots of pain still from birth, so I had issues for a while about it... But that's a different situation.

It's natural and healthy to want to explore with porn etc, if you feel its getting in the way then tell him, don't put the video on before you start doing whatever. Don't feel inadequate though, thats how I felt and it got me down, made me super paranoid, I'm over it now but it wasnt a nice feeling.

 

Guys like variety and I'm a bisexual woman so I like variety too. I have the male lens. I'm aroused by a variety of body types, big boobs, big butts, different shapes of boobs, etc. So being with the same one type of body type might be tiring. It's nothing personal and has nothing to do with your particular body type. The same thing would happen to any one of those porn stars and does as your bf switches tapes to watch a different porno because he's tired of looking at the same porn stars naked body. I would just relax and go with the flow. But if it bothers you a whole lot I would ask him to watch it alone not while you're about to have sex.

 

I used to be super paranoid about my husband watching porn. I think its because I was in a relationship with a guy who was addicted to it.

Once you get over the fact that he's still having sex with YOU and enjoying sex with YOU, the porn thing won't even cross your mind.

Trust me, when you're having sex, he's thinking about you...if he liked the girls in the porn more, he'd be watching them.

 

guys will just run wild if you let them. smart girls lock their boyfriends in a kennel in the backyard. with a privacy fence of course; you don't want him looking out at the garden.

 

I have a very good sex life with a woman I love right now and I watch plenty of porn. It really has little to do with one another, unless there is so much masturbation that it's effecting the sex, or you are expecting a porn out of your real life. I watch porn because sometimes I'm horny and my girlfriend isn't here. It beats cheating on her am I right? I'd rather jerk it to some trashy slut I wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole in real life. It's just fantasy, and physical release of hormones, Ah, satisfaction, now I can have a joint and get to bed. For guys it really comes down to pressure release.

Once my girlfriend put a porn on and told me to sit back while she blew me. I immediately turned it off because it was too weird . . . it made me feel like she thought it wasn't enough to watch her giving me a blowjob, like I needed to see some other chick giving some other dude a blowjob.

So it's complicated and its personal you should have a serious talk with your bf about the porn, just let him know it bothers you and why.

I just read more of your post and noticed that he watches porn while you have sex and comments on it and knows all the porn stars and it bothers you. This is definitely not ok and not healthy. There is always going to be a long transition period for both men and women when they get in a relationship, and it can be hard to drop old habits like watching porn for intimate release. He's trying to incorporate it into the relationship, not realizing he should be dropping it. He doesn't need it anymore, he has the real shit now. So you need to be upfront with him about it and stop tiptoeing around.

 

If it's not working for you, it's not unfair to ask that he stop. Yet, men are visual, and into the naughtiest they can find so I'm not surprised. He wants to experiment and take sex to a new level. He would like you to join in. Maybe take turns?

 

that actually sounds pretty accurate

 

No. theirs nothing healthy nor natural about porn.

 

^

Does your boyfriend also listen to a walkman? Does he have pump up shoes? Just curious.

 

lol

 

You should feel the way you're feeling, you need to be his focus. Change him slowly. You should let him know your concern, because it's not fair to you to feel this way. Give it time while letting him know you feel awkward (somehow w/o coming off as demanding). Let him know how you truly feel, tell him the details you posted on this forum. He probably won't stop watching porn, but at least needs to know you demand respect. Anyone in a relationship has the right to demand respect from their other.

 

Or about poor spelling.

There is NOTHING wrong with porn. It pre-dates Western civilization. It has been around ever since humans could scratch out a rudimentary picture or symbol in the dirt.

As for whether it's "natural", many things that are natural are unhealthy or even deadly. Lead is natural. So is arsenic and cadmium. That doesn't mean eating them is a good idea.

And in any event, I challenge the notion that porn is not natural. You may as well argue that provocative lingerie is not natural, or that exercising for a better physique is not natural. Both of those things make us more sexually attractive, as can porn.

 

Or accept that he is who he is, and that you changing him is as wrong as him changing you. Either take him as he is, or move on. You CANNOT change people and you shouldn't try.

 

I don't have a boyfriend I have boytoys. Your point?

 

That is an option too. I do disagree with the notion that you can't / shouldn't change people. People can and do change; if the other party wants to make the relationship work, they will weigh their options and determine if it's worth it to them (i'm not looking to argue the symantics of "change". The relationship also grows and deepens with these conflicts.

Everybody has different expectations in life and relationships

 

if you're so worried that he's focusing on porn more than you, you could always make a porno.

he made his joke pretty clearly. a man would have gotten it.

 

And if "she really loved him she'd learn to like porn". Why should one party change? Why should another party expect them to?

Please note, I'm NOT judging the rights or wrongs of what OP thinks. She has the absolute right to live her life as she chooses. But once we start the whole emotional blackmail of "If you love me you'll do X or Y to keep me" we enter into a dangerous game of one-upmanship that usually ends in tears.

 

porn can spice things up

 

guys around that age - all they think about is sex and porn. can't fault them