So I've been struggling with this a bit lately. I've always had an attraction to women, to a certain degree, but on a purely physical level, and it's become less. I've never really met a girl I've connected with on an emotional level the same way I have with guy friends, and mostly I've just found I don't see eye to eye with them. Guys, on the other hand, I've always had a passing sexual interest in, bordering on curiosity, but I'm much more likely to find a guy "cute" or think he's got a nice personality. The problem is, I'm equally uncertain about sexual activity with guys. I don't want to jump in and just say "I'm gay" because I really don't know if I am, but I don't know how to explore it without unnecessarily outing myself. So... help?
First off, how old are you? I ask that as a huge majority of young males have sexual feelings towards other men they either experiment with or simply forget about as they age. Also you may not be exclusively one thing or another. I'm puzzled though about your 'I've never really met a girl I've connected with on an emotional level the same way I have with guy friends. This may have nothing to do with your actual sexuality but could be a psychological quirk induced by early childhood experience. Do you have this lack of attachment to female members of your own family? On the other hand it could be a very sane defence mechanism against the almost universal game women play of emotionally blackmailing men. But that's another subject. You haven't told us though how you react to images of males and femals photographed naked or in porno. So, until you tell us more it's very hard to give anything like advice. Whatever, if you're young don't get yourself too worried about this as so many men go through what you're experiencing and come out the other side either happily gay, happily straight or happily just bent in general.
Well, to clarify further, I'm just a hair shy of 20, never really had any issues with female family members, and I'll react equally to nudes of each sex. As for the emotional connection, it's hard to explain, but things just never seem to "click", you know? Even when I strike up normal conversation, I inevitably end up as their friend, not a potential date. Even then, it's still different somehow.
Your situation is beginning to sound like you may have a small psychological problem, not just an issue with figuring out if you're gay, straight or bi-sexual. Are you academically gifted &/or do you focus on understanding something new to an obsessive degree until you fully understand it? I ask that because one cause of 'things never clicking' can be conditions such as Aperger's Syndrome. That's a stab in the dark . For now though, unless you're really scared to do so, I'd be entering into a sexual relationship first and then seeing if the emotional side eventually clicks. I can't tell you if you should do this with a male or a female but you've got a far better chance of sucessfully experiementing without nasty complications with another male. Anyhow, not all early sexual experiences need to have a deep emotional attachement even if you think they should. I'm still not sure though what you mean by 'click'. Oh, and telling a potential partner that you're not sure if you're gay or not is for most people a huge turn on. Women want to 'cure' you and gay men just find having sex with someone who might be part straight very exciting. I know I do. So, tell em the truth. Seriously though, to be of any help you need to reveal more of yourself which I suspect is not so easy for you. Am I wrong?
BlueStreak - What you are feeling is quite normal and common for someone your age. Of course you connect better with guys, your a guy. You can relate to them on every level for just that reason. Women relate to women best because, well, their women. Don't think that, just because you can imagine having sex with a guy that makes you gay. Or, just because you get aroused looking at nude men that makes you gay. Wait awhile. Give yourself time to find a girl friend. You will eventually. See what it is like to have an intimate relationship (both on a physical and emotional level) with a girl. You will probably be so happy that you will stop wondering what it might be like to be with a guy. (Just don't have sex with a guy before you have a girlfriend) The reason I say that is this... When I was in my teens I was attracted to both girls and guys. I got aroused by looking at pictures of both. I wondered what it would have been like to be with a girl. However, at age 20 I met a great guy. After a year of just hanging out our relationship turned serious. We ended up marrying 5 years ago and I have never been happier. I have never had sex with a woman. And I never will. And I'm glad. The life of a gay person is not easy. I really feel for them. Anyway, I never fantasize about women. I'm happy and content in my marriage. So what I'm saying is, just because your open minded that doesn't mean your gay.
well, you can be the no-strings-attached-just-here-to-mess-around-some type of guy when you do your exploring. Trust me, there are plenty guys out there having sex with other guys just this way. Like you, they're undecided about their sexuality or consider themselves plain straight. And most gay guys won't press you on your sexuality if they see you're reluctant to open up on the subject. However, if you want to explore a relationship, then you're gonna have to concede that you're at least bi. You can't get away with that one. I understand the 'not clicking' thing with women completely. It's the same with me. I don't even connect with women enough to pursue friendships with them, whereas with guys all combinations are possible. It's interesting. With guys it's just 'there'. Something that is entirely lacking when I interact with females. I've even connected with guys that have been so not my type, guys I look past at first glance and wouldn't ever notice on my own, but they approach me and there it is. Fuck if I know where it comes from. So, you don't have to worry about defining yourself yet. It'll come. Some get it early on, others take longer. But eventually you will know who you are. Good luck.
The last two posts make a lot of sense. You could be bi, you could be asexaul or anything in between. There's no rush to label yourself. The important thing is to be honest and not betray anyone, male or female, you get involved with IF the relationship moves beyond the purely physical. Good luck and enjoy your explorations. OH, and by the way. If you're into porno keep in mind that people often indulge in some really weird tastes in that direction but never have the desire to act them out in the real world. So, what you may get off on viewing doesn't necessarily tell you what you are.
Yes, I missed that one. The majority ( a majority who will deny it!) of males have their first sexual experiences with other males. This, because of society's primative tabbos, hangs over their heads so heavily they often become homophobic. Sad really. My first sexual experience was with another male and his sister simultateously, the details of which I'll spare you or you'll all get far too excited for your own good.
" EXCITED? Thinking about having sex with a guy and his sister? Siblings? That means the guy had sex with his sister, and you. Isn't that insest? (spelling)[/quote] It's amazing the percentage of males who find such activites titilating. My involvment was at the age of 12. The male involved insisted I have it off with his sister while he was having it off with me. I soon realized my only interest was in him so called the whole thing off. Incest to me at that age meant nothing. No matter how many early male to male expriences someone has it's never managed to 'turn them into a fairy'. I'm sorry to hear about your cousins. I was one a number of AIDS care teams providing volunteer palliative nursing right to the bitter end. Two of our patients were a husband and wife. Later I became an area coordinator for the Victorian Aids Council so I know something about the immense horrors of that era. These days many infected with HIV live long lives but what isn't widely understood is that the medication taken to stave off full blown AIDS has horrendous side effects. This should be publicised more as those under 25 now take a very light view of the risks of unsafe sex imagining that because contracting HIV isn't necessarily a death sentence these days it doesn't matter. It does. And yes, being gay isn't a picnic but there's no way I'd willingly take a hetro pill, ever.
It's mostly people like you that makes it hard for them. Oh and, there's lots of incest in the bible. Or did you skip over that part?
So I took a bit of a long hiatus, but I'm back, and pretty much in the same place I was before. I'm not the kind of person to just dive into something without knowing a lot about the subject first, so I think that limits me a lot. Kind of discourages one night stands and quick flings with relative strangers. Turned down a lot of people at parties before, though I attribute that to not wanting to do anything stupid with impaired judgment (yay beer). I was bullied a bit when I was in the middle/early high school age, and I became a bit withdrawn because of it. Is it possible to become so withdrawn that you no longer know yourself? And in response to some of what was said on the previous page: I just don't feel like I can have an intimate relationship with a girl, which is part of the problem. I can see myself in an intimate relationship with a guy, but not a sexual one. I can see myself in a sexual relationship with a girl, but I won't get into one until I know her more intimately, and you see where that dies out. So, yeah, kind of all over the place.
I'm saying this in the friendliest possible way I can with the hope you don't find it offensive. Please seak professional councelling if you can afford it. Good luck.
In a word, YES ... it is. I don't have any suggestions for you, I'm afraid ... but if it helps, you're welcome to a big hug from me any time. Becky :mickey:
No, I appreciate the sentiment. Appointment is scheduled, just hasn't arrived yet. Figured I'd touch base here while I was at it, just so I didn't totally disappear.
