Telling a woman how you feel about her

Melia is right, if she isn't into you, she'll probably think it's weird. But rejection is better than regret, let her know.

 

Some guys are too quick on the trigger and just blurt it out because they’re too afraid of losing her to someone else. That’s the wrong approach and it shows you’re insecure.

You’ll know instinctively when it’s time :2thumbsup:



hotwater

 

There are known knowns; there are things we know that we know.
There are known unknowns; that is to say there are things that, we now know we don't know.
But there are also unknown unknowns – there are things we do not know we don't know.

 

If you blurt it out or say it too much out of the blue it is brutal in the wrong way. Being brutally honest in that regard may not get you a positive response just because it was too unexpected. I know I gave the wrong response once that way and I'm a guy I guess people prefer even honesty in a subtile way in general.

 

In my experience, it's a huge mistake to ever completely verbalize your true feelings to a woman. The instant you reveal yourself is the same instant that she'll start to become weary and bored with you. Even if she's totally blown away and in love with you, she'll know exactly how you feel about her, where she stands in your relationship, and her eye will immediately begin to wander, because there is always, ALWAYS, this little voice in the back of her head that will have her asking "maybe I could do a little better than this". If you expose the "this" completely, then you've essentially pitted the limits of yourself against her imagination (which is limitless), and you will always come up short in that comparison.

 

I feel you're right about that, and this is how I feel also. But on the other side of things, not letting someone know how you feel, or at least giving them enough of a hint (if they even get the hint) is just as bad. You run the risk of losing that person and their interest just as much

So I am torn.

I think I am just going to have to do what I feel at the moment, but be sure not to get too carried away as I am sure I have the potential of doing.

I think I can say what I need to without coming off too strong. I just need to keep it kind of light and not say too much.

I worry I will end up saying something like "you probably don't feel the same way but..." That isn't a good thing to say because it lacks confidence, and apparently being too vulnerable is a turnoff.

 

Unfortunately, being open and honest with and about your emotions is a turn-off to a lot of people, but we have to remember not to hold it against them, there are real reasons for this and often they come from a fear that can be greatly misunderstood. In fact, if it makes you feel any better Matt, this very thing seems to have just recently happened to me, except further into the situation, but I actually, in some ways, did it on purpose, subconsciously. I met somebody recently (a guy, your age almost exactly) and went on a rather long date with him last Thursday, and although (by his own admission) he was extremley attracted to me physically, and from what I could gather intellectually, emotionally I put myself in a position of now or never, and while I'm not entirely certain, I am left to believe that his hesitation caused him too much paranoid self-reflection, and he backed off from kissing me at the end of the night. I would have let him, and at the time even wanted him to, but I do not think I would let him do it again, which due to some other unexpected circumstances, I could not have realized in such a manner as has happened now but, nevertheless, all the same it would have come.

It's funny because we had such great conversation for nearly 6 hours, walked all over the city in the freezing cold, ate dinner together &c and he could not stop staring into my eyes and blushing and smiling, but the fundamental difference was that I kept pushing the conversation in the emotional direction, and spoke in full confidence and self posession, where with him I could feel, immediately, behind his words, the thoughts like "Am I ready for this?" He was a pretty enough boy (and, as far as interests and taste goes, I doubt I'll easily find somebody more perfect) but not enough so to make me affect a shameful pretense and give myself away to a social game in order to gain a sense of personal triumph; I only do that for people who are either gorgeous (shallow, I know...) or with whom I can quickly ease into being, truly, myself.

Ultimately I don't really know what has nor what will happen; we haven't spoken since Saturday but then my tone was one of far more restraint. I do worry because, aftewards, he did openly tell me (as well as mentioning that he did not want to 'scare me off') that he found me irresistably attractive, he has since told me that I am beautiful, etc but if he comes into privately contacting me again with this sort of talk I will have to end it as gently as I can. I don't neccessarily forsee it, but he has been especially vague and ambiguous since the first time we met, and I do sort of suspect that there is a chance that he may be fine with me, that I may have largely misread him and that he only wants to take it slow, perhaps to savor the 'fun' of getting to know somebody and slowly introudcing them into your life. Not to mention that his reason for leaving for the holidays so early is one of family emergency, and I don't suspect he is the type to make something like that up, especially since he told me while apologizing that we should make plans for after this Thursday, which will be exactly one week since our date. As far as relationship goes, there is no doubt that one exists and can be beneficial to both of us, only I no longer want it to be romantic and now I am in the awkward position of not knowing his desires and intentions.

Anyway Matt, I realize that the situation (not to mention the sexuality) is different, but I am sharing this because while we were together in person there was such excitment, genuine curiosity and interest, and huge expectations, and they were not realized as we had both hoped, so unless we just never speak to each other again, one of us is going to have to be the bearer of bad news, and it seems to me that, if I am the one who has to do it, it's going to make me feel absolutely terrible. My advice to you would be to go with your instinct, and reflect on this, if romance and a profound love are what you want, then being emotionally honest should not be impossible nor uncalled for, but if you are just looking for fun, then you could keep her curious and try to play along. Personally, I wouldn't waste my time if I got the impression that sharing the feelings in my heart would cause someone discomfort or myself rejection, but it seems that you are still not sure what to think she is thinking, and so it really is a tough call, especially since you have to work with her. Whatever you decide to do, good luck man.

 

Thanks for taking the time to write that, John. That was beautifully said. I always like the advice you give.

Anyway, she just called me a little while ago. Unfortunately, I was sleeping when she called, and when I answered my phone I was not totally awake, so perhaps I sounded a bit incoherent. Then again, she didn't sound much more coherent, either. lol

Well, I guess I will see her tonight when I bring her into work. I'm not sure if I am going to say anything. And if I do, I don't know if I would say it when I pick her up, sometime during the night, or when I bring her home in the morning. If I do say anything, it's going to be kept simple. Nothing too gushy.

Anyway... meh. It is what it is, I guess.

 

i quoted the op here because every other response is wrong


you want to know when you tell a woman how you feel?

never...you never fucking tell her how you feel because then she's got you

its game over no matter what the result...it wont be good for you

think grade 6....never admit you love this girl

 

Stay out of the friend zone. Don't fall into the trap of talking about feelings until you get to the pillow talk.

 

Open and vulnerable !!! That is the only way. It's not that anything has to change. Maybe for a while, it stays in the head. Yet continue, and each day can be handled the same, and each person takes their time with the new information. It's a couragous experience in expressing and sharing. Couples become more solid.

 

Matt, I think sometimes being real, unique and different can mean it takes longer to meet someone. But when you do, it is more solid. There are so many unions just built on a foundation of hyper vanity and vapid mindless traits that aren't important. You are an intelligent dude, I think eventually what you will find will be really great!

 

Well, I don't have much in common with this girl at all. We seem to hit it off pretty well, though, and she is freaking beautiful and beyond cute. She's not from this country, and I think that helps somewhat. Most American women are just horrible.

 

who the fuck is matt and why are you writing a note to him in this thread...is that something you older members think seperates you from us noobs?

its smacks of snobbery

 

sure, established couples may become more solid, but do the same thing and single guys become more single.

i agree with you, sergio.

 

I have been in this situation before, when I fell in love with someone, so much so that it was actually unhealthy. I blurted it all out to this person - and for a while they kind of went along with it, then finally they blurted something back - that it wasn't actually what they were looking for, and they had been going along with it just to make me happy.

Can you trust your gut when you have really strong feelings about this person that you are making the right choice to tell them? Sometimes it can be really hard to tell if it's a good decision.

I would keep it light at the begining - light and casual and see how the person responds, before being really honest.

 

I sense a green card marriage coming.

 

Yeah man. Just wait, and wait. These are the memories you will cherish as you age all alone.

 

That’s cold - So it’s just an arraignment no love, no feelings :toetap05:

Oh well if he’s desperate enough and the sex is good for however brief that may be it might be worth it :2thumbsup:



Hotwater

 

this attitude probably isn't helping you find someone. people are people, regardless of where they're brought up.