A very sad story

At the tender and naive age of 21 I met a girl and she became pregnant right away. Somehow (dont ask me how) I woke up next to her with my hand on her belly and KNEW she was pregnant, I woke her with a whisper and told her but she did not believe me and told me it was impossible because she just had her period. Absolutely convinced I return that evening from massage school with a home pregnancy test witch she promptly took but refused to let me see the result, it took 3 days of constant arguing and allowing her to beat upon me before i finally convinced her to let me see the result.

From that moment on she began to shut me out, I tried to go with her to doctors appointments but she wouldn't allow it. the more I tried to be involved the more she pushed me away and when I would try to force her to talk to me about "her" baby she would become violent. The first few times I just let her thinking she just needed to get it out of her system but then I began to gently take her to the ground and hold her there until she calmed down and stop being violent.

This went on for less than 2 months with her getting more and more belligerent and telling me in less & less subtle ways that I wont be a part of my child's life until the day we were out at my mothers house and she threatened me with a knife twice (the second time i put it to my throat and told her go ahead your killing me anyways) then she finally came right out and said it "I'm going off and have this baby and you will never see it & there is nothing you can do about it" (the only promise she ever kept to me). At that point I freaked and tried to get my mother to talk to her. BIG mistake because the girl physically attacked my mother as soon as she told her she had to let me be a part of my child's life.

My mother kicks her out and makes her walk 25 miles back to town.
I could not in all conscious allow a pregnant woman to walk not even knowing which direction to go even after she told me that so I walked with her (something my mother stopped speaking to me for 2 years over) and after walking all night we get to her ex boyfriends house and as soon as he wakes up he tells me to leave and never return.

It was right after that my mother decides that it wasn't my child anymore (although she claims later and something else made her think that) so when the my sons mother had momentary pangs of conscious and tried to get ahold of me to meet my then one and later three year old son she denies him and never tells me about this (i only found out recently).

I search for the girl going to the market where she sells her jewelery (where i met her) looking for her every 2-4 weeks for many years, she always saw me first and hid when i approached so I did not find her until my son was about 9 and even then she would not even talk to me (although she later claimed she did but she remembered the whole situation very differently from the way it happened and than when told no it wasnt like that she remembered it several more diffent ways from it actually happening)

fast forward to almost 3 years ago, my brother and the person who loved me more than anyone in the world is diagnosed with terminal brain cancer and told he had 9 -12 months left to live "even with extremely aggressive treatment" so I drop everything leave all my stuff behind and go back home to help my mother take care of him.

About the same time my brother got his death sentence but before i left florida my then 21 year old son calls my mother looking to meet me(and after one short phone call she decides he is my son again, meaning she knew all along & just wanted to punish his mother for attacking her)

when i get home my mother picks an argument with me DEMANDING (not asking) I forgive his mother (i was unaware of her involvement then) and then kicks me out & disowns me the next morning giving me 15 minutes to leave with some lame excuse and saying it had NOTHING to do with our fight the night before.

I had been forbidden to even return to visit my brother and i ended up leaving the city, my brother came to visit me once a month until his cancer destroyed his vision too much for him to drive & i had not seen him in over a year (he survived almost 3 years after his diagnosis) when I'm told I can now see him because he is near his deathbed.

On the day i was to visit him (valentines day) I called him from the bus at 3:30, he was very excited to finally see me but also in a panic because mom had been raging for 2 weeks about it ready to kick me out before i even got there and having workmen install a fireplace in her home when they collapsed the floor and she went ballistic. I get a call from my other brother 4 hours later (still on the bus one hour from home), my brother had suffered a severe stroke.

He was still alive when i got there but just barely and totally unable to communicate. other than copious amounts of morphine my voice was the only thing that calmed him and i held him until he died.

my mother continues to trash me and my son although he says he believes my side of the story is VERY angry with me for not being in his life, when one hears nothing but bad things about someone his whole life logic does not overcome emotion.

 

wow, this is a sad story. It sounds like you've been pretty badly mistreated and abused by the women in your life.

I'm sorry that your brother died, but I'm glad that you were able to be there with him and comfort him when he died.

I guess this is my stock answer, but therapy might be good. In particular, you might want to try family therapy with your son.

I think that legally you could have demanded to have visitation rights with your son, but you may not have known about this.

I think that you could build a relationship with your son, but I think that it could take some effort.

 

First thing is, forget the shit with your mother and your "son's" mother, you need to find out for sure if he is your son and then formulate a plan of action! Not much help I know but it seems the logical thing to do.

 

lol

 

such suffering,and you are not alone,believe that. love you!

 

I keep my word...glass. I read your story...and i'm sorry for your loss. And...i admire the love you shared with your Brother....my Brother and i were never close. I'm sorry you lost that...and i wish you and your family well...and hope things get better for you.

 

Really glad my torture at another's hand can amuse you so very much.
(have you been sadistic a long time?)

 

thank you, as a human, I love you too.

 

This is violence. This is forcing another human being to conform to your will. This is NOT OK.

 

Absolutely it was violence but your ignoring the reason WHY.
My "will" that I was trying to enforce was to not be beat upon, and FUCK YOU for even trying to make me feel guilty for "forcing another human being to conform to my will" when my "will" was just not being hurt badly.
Perhaps you would be more pleased if I had just continued to allow her to beat me instead?

You really GLOSSED OVER that fact, it was a slightly violent response (on my part) to extreme violence (being perpetrated to me). This was no dainty girl who could hit harder than allot of men (she was a roofer). Not that it makes it any better but we are not just talking a punch or two but wailing on me like a man, i.e. a flurry of strikes, a VERY violent maelstrom.

Why would you chide me for "violence" while totally ignoring a greater violence being done TO me And for only wanting to be a part of my own child's life? Are men not allowed in any way to defend themself even in a manner as nonviolent as possible in the situation?

Beating men is a non offense to you WHILE you admonish me for a very reserved response?
Do you really hate men so much that there is no such thing as any sort of crime against them so long as the perpetrator is female?

When you quoted me you even just cherry picked the part that made you feel empowered to attempt to cut me down and ignored the whole reason for the actions well here it is (AGAIN) so you can't feel such indignation at my refusal to be a punching bag (unless your just totally nuts).

Notice the "until she calmed down and stop being violent." please take note before you admonish me for violence using restraint. notice I did NOT say I busted her nose or knocked her out (although she certainly tried to do that to me). So in what fucking world is that ok for her but a far less severe response from me is not especially in light of the reason for her violence was a desire to remove me from my child's life simply because she had issues with men due to sexual abuse when she was a child? (which I did not know at that time.)

 

self-defense without injuring the attacker is not only ok, it shows a great deal of restraint

what planet are you on?

sounds like you've been drinking too much of the feminist piss that says in a conflict between a man and woman, the woman is always right and always the victim .

 

you can report posts like this on the thread, or you can add np to your ignore list

 

I can see my original assessment of you was indeed correct.

I am sorry for the sad angry lonely life you must live but that is no excuse to spread your hatred,
yet i doubt you even see the connection there.

You really have allot of growing up to do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCNPXpehoCM"]Stupid Girl - Garbage - YouTube

naa, I am full of piss n vinegar 2 day's from my sons b-day and 5 from my deceased brother's.
I'm willing to see how this plays out

 

i agree with both of these posts. if someone acts with violence, male or female, they should not be surprised when violence is the return action. it does show lots of self control for him to simply restrain her.

 

It is quite sad to see innocent people suffer because of damaged people. But it is also wonderful to see that there is still empathy for those suffering in this world.

 

It makes me sad reading stuff like this... I feel terrible he was/is going thru this..

I hope by now him and his MOM are better (I didnt see @ first he wasnt a member here anymore)

 

No, I dont want someone so toxic in my life. Have not spoken to mommy dearest in 2 years.
Did not even invite her to my wedding.

I do now have a relationship with my son & his mother, that is going well now.
He is very excited there is a half sibling on the way & his mother is happy for him.

 

You do sound like a bit of a control freak in the first part of the story.

And it sounds like you've yet to work out the real reason for your mothers behaviour

 

Well Its understandable I guess why you want nothing to do with her.... I am glad you and your son,etc get along well


Thank you for the update -- Congrats on your wedding!!

 

a very sad story indeed, but now it's all happening for you & your son. Congratulations on you marriage, & becoming parents together. I think it will make your son happy to be part of your family..