Fear of Anal Sex Because of a Previous Lover

My exboyfriend was bisexual -- and hid the extent of it from me until well after we lived together. I'd say he was way into men and hardly into women at all.
- Long story.

But now I'm kind of emotionally scarred when it comes to anal sex.
The guy I talk to now, shows an interest in having anal sex with me and
talks about wanting to play with my butt a lot. He says it gets him hard just at the thoughts of doing that with me
-- But in the back of my mind I fear that it indicates gayness or bisexuality
because my ex used me so badly with anal sex to practice out his gay fantasies.

So, can I be assured that anal sex with him is totally normal and not like my ex boyfriend???

It's really a sensitive issue for me and a big concern.

Also to note, no offense toward anyone who is gay or bi, just my ex boyfriend mislead me and lied about his sexual preferences.

 

Sorry you went through that, but a lot of straight men like anal sex. Some straight men even like anal sex better than vaginal. It doesn't mean they are gay.

You know your partner better, so I would assume that you would know what signs to watch out for?

 

An interest in anal sex with a female is no indication of latent homosexuality.

Whether it is "totally normal" will depend on who you ask. To me, yes. To some, no. To others, it will be "anal is usual, not just normal". Some mixed couples are anal exclusively.

The question is, are you comfortable with it? If you are, forget normality and just enjoy.

 

Yes, I know my partner...I just get a flash back freak out if he mentions anal or anything about my butt.

And as far as me being comfortable with it --- it's not something I prefer, it feels very odd to me and invasive, makes me feel very vulnerable -- but I would do it to please him.

 

Honestly, you should do things that feel good and comfortable for you. If your partner really wants it - and I can understand because I have wanted to try it as well with a woman - he may just have to wait until you're comfortable enough to do it. Bad experiences can be really devastating, and the only thing that can overcome them is a combination of time and trust. So if he's a good guy, he'll stick around, and you'll get the chance to tell him when you want it to happen.

 

That is NOT a reason to have anal sex. Any sex.
Participation should be because you want to do it (whatever IT is) and enjoy the mutual shared emotions and sensations that sex offers.
Sorry just my 2c worth.

 

agree - if you are not into it and comfortable about anal then don't do it.

You have a vagina, unlike guys, so there is a choice and if he prefers anal with you to vaginal then sure - questionmark?

Simon :sunny:

 

I understand your concern given your past experience, but liking a woman's butt is not sign of homosexuality.

Nothing to me is hotter than a girl with a nice thick juicy butt, and I have never had a gay thought in my life.

More than anything I LOVE anal sex, it feels soooo good! Nothing like a big warm tight ass wrapped around your cock, it's just heaven.

Have your man eat your ass, try and enjoy it more, rather than just doing it for his pleasure.

Ace

 

Yes, this. If you can get to a place where you feel totally emotionally safe doing it with him AND it arouses you, then go for it. A desire for anal is not an indication that he is gay, but given your previous experience that may be hard for you to really believe, so it may take some extra work in the trust department, and that's OK.

 

Enjoying a sex act is hard when you yourself aren't into it.

I hope your partner cares about your pleasure, as I once had an ex in college that thought that women should just take the pain during anal sex.

Anal sex is something that requires a lot of patience. If you want to do it to please him, start out with a finger, a tongue or a butt plug and then gradually work your way up.

 

He and I haven't had regular sex yet even. But plan on it.

The thing about anal sex is -- for me, I really enjoy getting my sex partner off, but anal sex has never felt good for me --- the last time I did it, I just remember wanting it to end (I got turned on that he liked it so much, but I didn't know he was...fricking gay) -- & I just don't know where the pleasure spot is for that...unless he would rub my clit or something while he did it at the same time.
But the guy I'm talking to now...seems like his main objective is to please me -- but he confided in me that the thoughts of him having anal sex with me turns him on like crazy.
And like I said, it would be just to please him ---
I really don't know how any woman would find pleasure in it. It feels like i'm being raped almost because it feels so intrusive.
If I told him that I don't like it, he would never ask for it again. But I don't want to ruin his fantasies.

My ex boyfriend...sigh. He really left my mind scarred. I start wondering about any man wanting anal sex, because I worry that he/they just really want a man. It concerns me. Not only did he make me feel humiliated, it damaged my self esteem --- and I'm a good looking woman -- he made me feel unwanted and used ---
The guy I talk to now is totally opposite. I trust him, but it's just those small bad memories that make me fearful.

I understand that anal sex is very tight and pleasurable. I haven't had sex in quite a long time now, almost 2 years -- I've been saving myself and I'm super tight....it hurts to put 2 fingers in, if I try....so why do guys still want anal, anyhow.
Isn't a woman's vagina good enough?

 

It's certainly good enough for me

 

Good enough for me too.


But here's my advice. Tell him your not into it but that if you change your mind you'll let him know.

That way you always have the option to make that fantasy of his come true if you want.

 

hotness has spoken ._.

 

There are many who will tell you NEVER to do any sex act you are uncomfortable with, however, stretching (ahem) one's boundaries can be enlightening and highly beneficial.
I am reminded of a gf I had once who, when I proposed anal sex, replied that she thought it demeaning and degrading and after all what was wrong with her pussy?
Well, she grudgingly allowed me to do anal with her and, long story short, she turned into a full fledged anal maniac. She absolutely loved it and one time even pulled me out of her vagina and directed me to her ass.

Many women find that with anal sex you initially come for the thrill of something different but you stay for the pleasure and the orgasms.

Your mileage may vary of course but if you are not finding anal enjoyable it just could be that you have not yet met the person who can unlock your anal pleasure chest. Look up some of the older posts by Backdoor Lady, Triple Ace, Myttia, myself and many others on how to turn on your anal erogenous zone.

 

If you aren't into it he should respect that, my BF gives it to me anally about once every two months and he gives me days notice, I am going to F*** you up the A*** on Saturday night so be prepared....

 

It's never good enough, at least for me.

 

If the guy knows what he's doing, he is certainly capable of turning anal virgins into anal whores instantly. The secret is in the brain.

 

Thanks for the props, much respect. I too have enjoyed many of your older posts.

Ace