Alright. My turn I guess. Here it comes. This is a very sensitive topic to me.Please be nice I am a lesbian. At least I think I am. I stare at women since I have grown boobs. I have had my first sexual experience with a girl. Even though I also had boyfriends, long terms (4,5 years aprx) I would fantasize women not only sexually. When I was younger, I went out a lot and would go to gay bars in Europe. My oldest cousin is gay. He is 43 now and has been out since he was 13! Another cousin of mine is gay. At least that is what she says. She is very feminine, long hair and only wants girls that look just like her. She is 25. I think she does it more because of sex since she is playing with men as well. Now the thing with me is very difficult. I am the youngest of all my cousins of older generation and the oldest of the youngest generation. So I am pretty much alone and VERY different from the rest of the crowed. I had many many boyfriends that-i thought- i truly loved- but always cheated with other men for sex. But the only thing that would turn me on would be the thought of a woman.I have had affairs with women. In 2004 I would finally break up with my long term on and off boyfriend (of 6years). I liked him a lot, sex was good but I would always be with other girls behind his back. Once I broke up I wanted to focus on just me and my job. I partied hard and enjoyed life and to my own surprise no ons's for 13!! months. I just wanted to find out what I want and need. On my 28 birthday I ran into my best friend that I had years ago. He had everything what I wanted. I fell in love with him. And 12 months later we got married. And NOW it gets dramatic. I think, LOVING someone and being IN love with someone is a big difference when it comes to being gay or not. I learned that I am the perfect wife for him, but I was never really happy. He knows I like girls and before we got married he clearly asked if I was sure. He has always taking me serious. I am NOT bi sexual. However it has been almost 8 years after we got married and we already split after 4 years for about 5 months. Him still living at my house and fighting for me. While I was lost in the woods hanging out with my best friend, she is also gay and engaged since 4 years and they are happy. She called me AMOURSEXUAL. Like I can love both genders but not sex related or something. To be honest with you guys. I am changing so much. I am not that pretty spanish girl anymore with her long hair. I chopped off my hair and wear a funky boycut. It looks sexy to me. And I see more and more girls like to look at me and complimenting me. I would probably left my best friend-my husband- already if i wouldnt be so religeous and we hadn't 2 kids together. They are 4 and 12. I mean I am almost 38. I am not in a experimental stage anymore. It is not sexual. I feel for women. I think, Im a butch . A cute one. And i feel alone. I feel like i am disrespectful and selfish. I have always been faithful to him. Accept one time. She just came out of the closet. But she was just looking for fun. I dont want that ! I am serious and I want to be taken serious. Im fragile right now. Am I a lesbian that totally missed and messed it up to come out and now its too late??!
I am also 38. And facing this teenager situation I guess some of us are just eternally youthful right?
