I'm lost. family death, family drama.

I am completely lost right now. I have no one to talk to, and I'm about to lose my mind. It all started on Sunday. My grandma was in the hospital, so I went to see her with my sister. It was so hard, she was struggling to breathe, and crying, and was trying to get out of her bed so she could go home. She just wanted to go home. My dad was there, and my aunt, and every one was crying because they knew she wasn't going to make it. Well, I just couldn't handle it, so I asked my sister to take me halfway home (about 45 min) and my husband was supposed to meet us and pick me up, and bring my mother to my sister so she could go to the hospital. Well, on the way to the meeting point, my mom called asking where my husband was, so I called him, and he said he was just leaving our house. My sister and I were about 2 min from the meeting point, so she got all angry and told him to just forget it, she'd drive me the rest of the way and pick mom up. By the time they got all the way back to the hospital, they already had my grandma sedated and on life support. She passed away on monday. So, now everyone hates my husband for not coming right away, I myself am very angry with him, and we are without a doubt, very very sad about the passing of my grandma.

I am in a very bad position here. I am grieving for my grandma, and now I have this family drama going on that I am smack dab in the middle of. I feel absolutely horrible about what he did, and horrible that I asked my sister to take me, and that I didn't stay there. I don't know how to deal with all of this. I feel like how can I even stay with my husband now, but I can't really think about it because I am so sad about my grandma. I could not stay there. I saw her on thanksgiving, at dinner, and she seemed to be doing really well. She drove herself to my parents house, and seemed to be ok. I just wanted to be able to remember her like that, not as I was seeing her at the hospital. I know that sounds awful, but people do strange things when someone dies.

I just don't know what to do, I have no one, and am about to lose it.

 

Your hubby sounds like he was trying ,too me it sounds like your mom is the wrong.

 

I'm sorry for your loss, especially at the holidays. Illness and death are stressful for a family. Everyone's fuse is short and people are angry that they are losing someone they love. It's as if they need someone to lash out at anyway. Take it easy on yourself. Take it easy on your husband. He'd never have done that if he'd known how it was going to end. Hold your tongue with anyone who says nasty things. It only makes matters worse. Your family has lost a member; don't let yours be one of those families that losses more because everyone is mad and goes to their graves not speaking. Hand out some chill pills

 

Yeah unless you elaborate on what your husband did, being late don't mean much. Hell 95% of people would have probably been late. Maybe I've missed something, I dunno, but there should be no beef with him.

 

sorry that this happened.

I guess if it hadn't been such an important occasion, your husband's lateness wouldn't have been such a big problem

unless it was something that he did deliberately, I think that it would be best to forgive him

talking to a counselor is probably a good idea, and getting the family members involved with that too

if it was hard for you to see your grandma like that, it was probably also hard for your sister and would probably also have been hard for your mother

it's not clear that his being on time would have made things any better

seeing a counselor and dealing with this now sounds much better than just letting resentments build up

how was your relationship with your husband prior to this?

 

Sorry for your loss. Sometimes people can't make it on time. I'm sure he feels guilty but please talk to him and let him know its not his fault. Your sister and mother are wrong for jumping on him.

 

Thank you for the kind words. I don't want to say bad things about my husband. The reason they are so angry is because when I called him I told him to come right away, and he took 45 minutes to leave the house. To us it seems that he should have come right away given the circumstances. I guess when I left the hospital I didn't know, or didn't want to believe that my grandma was dying. My mom and sister did. They think he is a little self centered, which admittedly he can be, and I just deal with it because I know it's him. I just never in my wildest dreams would have thought this would be one of those times where he did what he wanted when he wanted. I could not have known, if I had I suppose I wouldn't have asked my sister to take me half way home. If that answers any of the questions as to why we are mad at him. I don't suppose that him being on time would have changed anything, but at least I wouldn't feel like I kept my sister and my mom from saying good bye to our grandma before they sedated her. I wasn't there, so I don't even know if that would have happened, or if he had been on time if it would have happened. You guys are right in saying that we are all emotional and in situations like this it tends to be directed at someone. I just wish it was only at me and not at him. I can deal with me being mad at him, but not my family being mad at him because now I feel like I have to keep everyone separate forever. I just wish these 2 things were not related so I could process one at a time.

 

I guess I should add that the meeting point was 45 min for each of us. So when we were at the place, he was 45 minutes behind us, meaning my sis and I would have been sitting there for 45 min waiting on him.

 

Did He Give You A Reason Why It Took 45mins To Get

His Act Together, Perhaps He Was In The Middle Of An Important

Business Call.??

Seems 45 mins Is A Tad Long To Lock The Back Door, Close The Windows,

Put The Dog Out, And Grab The Car Keys...



Cheers Glen.

 

He said he needed to recharge from having his car worked on for 4 hours. Understanding the anger side a little more? I do love him, don't want him to come off as a complete jerk, but yeah, that was a pretty jerky thing to do.

 

Here's an idea...Maybe it's the first time that him being self-centered like this has been a really big deal. Maybe he will learn a lesson and be better.

 

You know, I really really hope so. I do love him, and always forgive him and give him a chance to change. I guess hope for the best and when we are all less emotional maybe this will all calm down. It just sucks that my family is so mad at him because they don't love him the way I do, it will be much harder for them to forgive and forget, ya know?

 

If your grandma was in that bad a shape, why was your mother not there to begin with? And how can that be your husband's fault anyway? Try to keep your focus. I mean it's too easy to blame him. What if you were unmarried? Then who would she blame not being there on?

 

Well, my mom and dad had been with her for 2 nights i think and they had to switch on and off who was at home to get some sleep. It all happened really really fast. She was fine thursday through early friday morning, and by monday she was gone.

 

get off of here and go be with your family

 

As I go back and forth thinking about it, it makes me mad thinking that my sister could have told me she wouldn't drive me if it was that important to her. I did not force her to, she agreed that she would. I did not make my mom decide to get a ride down there instead of just driving herself. Yeah, you know, it hurts that he wasn't there for us when we needed him to be, but really it's not all his fault. I feel like I should give him a kiss and tell him I love him at this moment. I'm almost 34 years old, and I have never lost anyone that I really loved to death, it's a very confusing, sad, hard time. You go from raging mad to crying and sad in the blink of an eye. Wish I could get a handle on that.

 

Don't know where you are Jo King but here it's 1 a.m. My family is sleeping.

 

I see. I think it's just a case of looking to blame someone and your husband sounds like an easy mark.

 

To Be Fair To Her, I Think Posting On Here Is A Very Healthy Form Of Release.

Lets Just All Be Patient And See How Things Have Settled Down A

Few Weeks After Her Funeral, Then It will Become Clearer How Much Real

Damage Has Been Caused By This Unfortunate Chain Of Events....



Cheers Glen.

 

Thank you GlenGlen. Your words are wise.