this question is for single moms or lesbian mothers. My son is 3 months old and he is surrounded by women. Recently Ive noticed that he cries when men hold him. Its not about being a stranger, because when a woman he has never met before holds him he is content as can be, but as soon as a man holds him he cries. Im worried that this will affect his social development. Has anyone experienced this? I realize that a solution would be to include men in his life, however, its not that easy since the male family members who are around are not available often so ultimately they have a stranger effect on my son.
I am from a traditional family, but I can give you my experience with something similar. My brother was born in the winter and my dad was always away at hockey tournaments, so he hardly saw him in the early months. This meant my brother was only around my mom, sister and myself. He used to freak if my dad laughed loudly, or held him, and he was afraid of all men, especially if they had a beard. He would cry if a bearded man got in an elevator with us. He's in his 30's now and he turned out to be just fine. don't worry about it, a lot of babies "make strange" even with family members. 2 of mine were "mommy only" babies, but they grow out of it.
I'm a single mum, although I wasn't from the start so my child remembers her dad/male presence... Although, she is very shy around people, it could be anyone though but mainly it is older men, for example when I take her to visit my grandparents, she will happily sit with my nana but will not go near my grandad for at least half an hour of being there.. the same also goes for some women too, I have noticed that even in our own home (where we have lived just under half of her life) she will still take time to become sociable with others who arent always present. I just reassure her constantly, making sure she sees me laughing, talking, hugging etc the people we are with so that she knows that they pose no threat.. also things like getting my grandad to share a piece of food with her, so she sees a connection and knows that they are kind.. As your son is really young, its hard to reassure him as I do with my daughter (18 1/2 months) as she understands most of what I say and can somewhat communicate back, whether its words or body language..your sons only way of communication really, is crying.. I'd just try to stay close so you are in view, talk to him gentley so its more familiar, maybe even hold a hand on his chest lightly so he feels your touch..at his age they are very slowly coming into the knowledge that they are an individual person and so separation anxiety occurs alot. Which could be why he is calm around women, as he is familiar with it, maybe not that he is scared of men but just doesnt recognise their presense, different smells etc, confused and adjusting rather than actually being scared
thanks for responding. ive spoke to some of my friends who have kids and they all have similar stories about their kids, whether or not they have a male presence in the household. im going to conclude that its normal and forget about it thanks again
I don't really think it's a big deal now but when he's a little older you could always get him involved in some kind of activity where a male role model would be present, such as sports coached by a man
