Boyfriend has gained a lot of weight..

We have been dating for three years and we are both 18 years old. We have been living together for a couple of months. Over the last year or so he has gained quite a bit of weight. When we first started dating he was pretty fit. He didn't have any chub or anything. Now he has a big belly, butt, and legs. He has stretch marks and his face has gotten chubby too. He used to be a really attractive guy...but if I met him as he is right now I wouldn't even think about dating him.

I don't want to get a lot of shit about how shallow I am. I know I sound horrible. But sex has always been a big part of our relationship. We used to have the best sex all the time, at least 3-5 times a week. But now I'm not attracted to him at all, and I can't help that. I can't get wet and when we have sex his fat flaps and makes noises...and that's just a huge turn off.

I love him a lot, though. I haven't even thought about breaking up with him. He knows he has gotten much too overweight and is very upset about it. He knows that it is causing problems in our relationship but he still has a very hard time doing anything about it. He ran for a while but quit over the holidays and is having a hard time starting back up.

I think that his pot habit has a lot to do with this. The whole time we have been dating he was smoked. Last February he got put on probation for smoking pot, yet he still does it. He is supposed to get off this February but he needs to stop smoking in order to do so. I think that if he quit smoking pot he would be much happier. I believe he would be much more motivated to lose weight, especially because he wouldn't constantly have the munchies for junk food. I think if he quit he would also do better at work, school, maybe help around the house a bit more. All he does when he is home is watch TV. I try to talk to him sometimes while he is watching TV and even if it is a commercial he is zoned out and doesn't even hear me unless I say it five times.

His pot useage has also been affecting our relationship, as well as the weight gain. He gets VERY grumpy when he hasn't smoked for a while and takes it out all on me. I try not to even talk to him when he is like this because he will get mad at everything I say. He yells at me a lot and even in public.

He wants to lose weight badly, he is just having a really hard time doing so. He said he also wants to quit smoking pot, but he has been saying that for MONTHS. He hasn't been smoking as much lately because he has been getting less hours at work but he still always manages to get some. I know it is hard to quit smoking pot, it was hell when I quit, especially the first couple of days. But I know after a week or so he will feel so much better especially if he exercises as well.

I just need a little advice on how to encourage him to excercise and quit smoking. I've been trying but it hasn't been working.

 

You just need to sit down with him and be honest on how you feel. It isn't easy telling someone you love that they need to change or they aren't the person you fell in love with. It won't be easy and it may not fix anything but you will know what he is willing to put into the relationship. Good Luck.

 

there's lots that he can do to lose weight if he's motivated. doesn't sound like he is motivated enough though

giving up sugar and processed foods would help. eating fresh, cooked whole foods served warm would help. also cutting back on or eliminating dairy and wheat.

1/2 per day of gentle aerobic activity would help. just going for a brisk walk would be enough

if he's in school, using a school gym might be good. you don't have to work out really hard or really long, doing it regularly is the key.

hope that everything works out

 

Thanks for the advice guys! and more is welcome

 

too late honey...dump his fat ass...

those flapping noises his rolls of fat make while banging you will get more and more disgusting..

soon you will have to scrape the dead skin that forms in these rolls of fat...the dead skin smells like death and you will want to vomit when he climbs aboard

you ever go into a bathroom after a 300 pound pothead eating chitos has had his morning dump?....it is fucking horrible

no...you need to either leave him or start feeding him amphetemine to lose that extra poundage

 

The sign of things to come!!!! You can't convince him. It is completely out of your control. Probably the most alarming thing is that he SAYS he wants to quit pot, but DOESN'T. That kind of bs talk will likely be a common theme his whole life.

 

I think you may have a point, calgirl. One thing I did forget to mention is that he used to lie A LOT. Compulsively. I haven't caught him in a lie in a while but what if he has just gotten better at lying?

 

If he's put on that much weight at age 18 just imagine what he'll look like when he's older. And his weight is not the only problem.

He has some growing up to do and it's time to give him ultimatums. Tell him to cut down on the weed, get in shape and lose weight, and get his head together or else one of you has to move out. Don't waste your life trying to help someone who won't help himself.

 

if you really do love him and you feel like there still is some chance that you could be happy together if some changes were made, then i suggest you give him an ultimatum.

your story sounds very similar to my last relationship, except i didnt gain a large amount of weight (but i did gain some) but i was a pothead and my girlfriend of 3 years wasnt.

long story short she became unhappy with how i was living my life and left me.

i wish she had given me an ultimatum...but she didnt.

 

He's pretty obvious about lying when he says he's going to one thing, but does another. It'll be a life of frustration for you.

 

catching him in an actual lie is one thing, but if he says he wants to stop smoking pot yet he doesnt stop...i really wouldnt consider that a lie. if he said he stopped smoking and then you caught him smoking, that would be a lie.

 

Yes, get out of this while you're young. You say you've been together since you were 15? You need to shop around, there are much better men out there.

You'll leave this guy eventually, nobody can put up with this lifestyle forever, so you might as well go now.

You can try an ultimatum, but you really can't make people change, they have to want it for themselves.

 

Hm Eyes....maybe you don't want to call it a lie......maybe BS....either way, it's not true, or he would do it.

 

sometimes i say that i would like to stop smoking pot, but i never do. i dont feel like im lying to myself. i just have mixed feelings about it, i dont want to stop smoking just as bad as i want to.

but other than spending too much money on it there really arent that many reasons for me to stop. i work 40-50 hrs a week and i am semi healthy/happy person. i have also never been in any trouble because of smoking pot.

the OP did say that her bf has been in trouble because of it, so i will agree that he should take control of the situation and do what he needs to do even if that means quiting pot at least for a while.

im not trying to stick up for this dude, i dont even know him. but i just wanted to put it out there that he is only 18...sometimes kids go through stupid phases. sometimes people change...not often, but sometimes.

 

I think it's important for young people not be gullible to BS. She needs to recognize it for what it is.

I smoke too, and I want to smoke every night, but when I don't smoke every night, I tend to enjoy it more when I do, so I have an incentive to do as I say.

 

make sure you move into a house with a giant bay window for when they have to lift him out of the house with a crane and bury him in a piano case

there is no other choice here...get out now

 

yeah... fuck it.

break up with him.

 

people tend to jump on the "dump his/her ass" bandwagon pretty quick. it's not always bad advice, I think.

we don't really know much about either of you or your relationship

if there is nothing more to him than being a fat, stoned liar who used to be cute, then maybe it's time to throw him overboard.

sounds like you love him though.

if you arrange to go on walks with him, that might help motivate him to exercise

if you don't want to have sex with him, you don't have to.

I think that it would be ok to stop having sex with him immediately, and let him know that you'll dump him unless he quits weed and loses some weight

 

Do you exercise? Maybe try to get him to exercise with you. Try to make it fun and not boring. You can't really give him an ultimatum and expect him to change. It's not going to happen, people don't change for other people, especially people in his state. He is probably quite depressed and needs help, not threats. Threatening him to leave will only worsen his issues. If you are unhappy and can't find the energy to help him, just get out of the relationship. Do not waste your life with someone who makes you unhappy.

 

Yeah in this case anything that is dramatically increasing appetite like processed foods that turn into sugar in the body that stimulates a stronger hunger response, and pot is a big problem.

I agree with calgirl it's a sign of things to come UNLESS he starts changing. I think an ultimatum is in order, and then if the timetable isn't met it's breakup time, not because of shallowness necessarily but because you can't see yourself having to deal with the problems his actions are causing.


He needs to show the discipline to set SMALL goals for weight loss, like 1 lbs every 2 weeks. He also should not immediately start exercising intensely, he should just take casual 1 hour walks a day regularly.

And he will have to drop weed entirely. Some already mentioned diet I agree with their advice.