Something so close i have to share

OK i'm sitting here it's 5:30am and I haven't been to bed yet. I've been writing music all night, then for the last hour been talking to Sarah (flowerchild17) , like, actually talking which was really awesome.
Basically since Monday I've been writing music, non-stop. I have been having ideas and inspiration and just kept creating and painting my ideas onto my canvas of sound, if you see what i mean... I'm creating a piece of audio art that is twelve tracks long and it contains all my thoughts and feelings, but in sound so you can actually hear it through your ears.
Anyway what I was trying to say was, when i've been sat in this room, somedays not seeing daylight at all, because I woke up and 4pm and went to bed at 5am for several days (including today) - i've been trapped in this space with my thoughts, two keyboards, guitars, the internet, and my voice. Not to mention all the stuff around the room that i can use to make notes. the thing is, when everything else in my life turns bad and stuff just goes crap, once I get in here and start CREATING SOUND then nothing else matters, it just all fades away, i become one with the music that seems to flow all around me - nothing seems to be able to harm me or protect me, i see colours and shapes and as I layer up sounds and patterns on the computer screen, with funny noises coming from analogue synths, the sound gets bigger and more complex, and I hear sounds i never thought existed, thats how exciting it is.
I'm seven tracks into my twelve track work, you can have a look at www.jazdelorean.tk and see what i've done if you like. This is music that envelopes me, i dont' know how it affects other people since it came out of me in the first place, it arrived out of my head, my psyche, so it's me in the music. when i play, i am my music, it's art, i'm part of the art.
man, no-one ever sees all this happening, it's such a personal thing, interacting with something you create, but i had to share it with you.
thanks for reading it.
does anyone else feel the same about an artform?

cry a tear of joy
of sorrow, in your
dream world the pain
is real, and a game
pretending to hurt
where you hate the
closing silence
but you love the
beginnings.

love Jaz

 

I used to. But nowadays, music is just another of a long list of things I can't do because I self-censor so badly.

 

Dude... you just said exactly what I've been trying to say And spending most of last night talkin to you was just... wonderful It made my spirits higher than they've been in a looong time...

Ever since I can remember, I've loved music. I've loved making sound. All started when I was little, hitting different things with sticks and beatin on pots and pans and the like... But as I've gotten older, gone through some really terrible and really great things in my life, I've learned so much about WHO I AM, and 99% of this I've discovered through music. This is my life, this is what I was destined to do.
And recently, in the last couple years when I've really found myself, I've given myself completely to the soul and life of my music, almost like some people give themselves to god or some religion it seems. Music? That's my religion. I'll spend days in my room (or anywhere I can spend time alone) and I'll have my bass guitar, my drums and percussion, but most importantly, I'll have my saxes. I'll sit there and I may write some verses to a song I'm thinkin of, I may sing them while I play a bass line (Only imagine a guitar riff) do this, do that, ect ect, and I'll sit back for a second holding my sax or bass, and I'll have no clue of what I just did. It puts a smile on my face thinking "that music was as fleeting as every emotion I've ever had. It'll never be exactly like that again." There's a life story if I ever heard one.
And sometimes, I could be anywhere. I could be sitting on a coach bus at 3:30 in the morning travelling with the marching band, I could be sitting in the school's band room at 7 in the morning talkin with friends, I could be in the middle of algebra class it doesn't matter, and I can just... write. WRITE! Write about love, lust, life, tradgety, strength, accomplishment, anything... And it truly is my form of self-expression. There are many pieces of mine that are unreadable becuase of the tears streaming down from my eyes; blotting the ink; or many I have ripped to shreads in moments of destained frustration where I'll be brought to my knees from emotional exhuastion. This is art. Art, in any way shape or form, is not about pretty pictures or good chords. It's about true human emotion being expressed. It may not be beautiful or harmonizing in YOUR eyes, but hell, it sure is in MINE. And that's all that really matters, creating something that's beautiful to YOU and makes YOU happy.
At least in the world of art

Thanks for posting Jaz... I wish I had more I could say...

 

jaz, you are a beautiful person, i luv yaz hehe ellie xxxx

 

Any recordings on this site at all?

 

do you realize...that you have the most...beautiful face

 

I have thoughts i cant put to words...... right at this moment i worry so deeply for you but admire you even more.


I cant wait to see you again man, its been too long.

 

awww thankyou..got the text...no cred sorry :S as per usual..but chat this avo...you changed the wbesite and it rocks..im sorry if you fwelt i was intruding but you understand where i was coming from? you know i dont think bad of you EVER see you in a bit xxx

big love

 

i understand! thank you.

 

yes. i said this to you before jaz i think; its something about making emotions into art, whether its music or a painting or writing or poetry, makes them both unbearably beautiful but more bearable at the same time. i came back home after one of the worst evenings of my life, so bad you feel completely numb with it all - and went to the piano and just played; and i could feel the ache of it rolling out of me. music seems to make it more tangible and more there, but being able to express it in a way you can understand helps you know yourself better..clears storms of the heart. Anyway, the relief of it, making the pain and hurt INTO something made me want to cry...made me cry.
The way you and flowerchild put it expressed it beautifully..whatever 'it' is. something intangible.

This is music that envelopes me, i dont' know how it affects other people since it came out of me in the first place, it arrived out of my head, my psyche, so it's me in the music. when i play, i am my music, it's art, i'm part of the art. (jaz)

It's about true human emotion being expressed. It may not be beautiful or harmonizing in YOUR eyes, but hell, it sure is in MINE. And that's all that really matters, creating something that's beautiful to YOU and makes YOU happy. (flowerchild)

then you start to run out of words.

love daisyness x

 

how you use your music jaz seems to be how i use my words. hmmm, i was counting on my music to be stronger than my use of words but heyho. but as ellie said, sometimes you start to run out of words. those times i just want to sit in fields and stuff, but i'm not allowed. i want to escape and sit on grass in the heat of some sunny summer day, but i can't. i want to be at peace, alone in a room without people and free, but i can't. i don't think i ever will be. not just in the human repression sense, but in other ways. i will always be held back. dude it's great you can express ya know. it's an ultimate gift. go with the flow.

you're in my prayers.
xxX Lozi