question/advice.. something along those lines

So, my in-laws have this thing, where they seem to want their children to remain dependent on them. I know there is a name for it, but it escapes me at the moment. They seem to do all they can to keep their children from living life away from them. They seem to have gotten pretty upset with me for marrying their son and allowing him to grow up and take care of himself, which he has done extremely well. They continue to try to do that with me, but I don't mince words (but I'm still being nice about it) but for some strange reason they continue to do so. It's like being four years old and having your parents tell you what you like and don't like, or "You just don't know any better". Except that I'm 30 years old, with a child of my own.
It seems, though, that people only see them as "just being helpful" and I should appreciate it. I find nothing to be appreciative about when I tell you I'm allergic to spicy food and you tell me I don't know what I'm talking about while handing me food covered in jalapenos. Or refusing to let go of my week old child who needs to eat because you believe I'm spoiling him. Interestingly enough, people who are around them for a day or so actually change their mind and tell me how nice I am to put up with it. That's the problem. I'm not nice. I just haven't flipped my lid...yet. But I'm right there.. and I don't know what to do because nothing else works.

So, if you have any suggestions for me, maybe so I can avoid being hauled away in the back of a police car because I'm at that point.

 

Kind of hard to give advice when it could affect someones family, but I can tell you how my wife and I handled all our family problems of this sort.

We decided how we wanted our lives to be, and made it clear to everyone that that is how things were going to be, in a nice way. We decide what is good for our lives, no one else does. There have been problems, but we stick to what we feel is best for us. We do the same for our kids. We don't want tit babies. We raised our kids to be independent. When we deal with them in regards to our grandkids, we offer advice, but they have been made to understand that that is all it is, and unless we see some sort of abuse or neglect, how they raise their kids is up to them.

Your kids are your kids, you decide what is best for them, giving some latitude towards the child having their say as they get older. If you decide your child is hungry, or whatever, and you are intelligent enough to know what they properly need, then it is your decision to make. If your kids are healthy, then you are making the right choices.
This is your and your husbands life together, it is up to the two of you to decide what you will do with it.

My wife and I make all decisions affecting the two of us together, this was our agreement right from the start, and we have been together since we were both 15 years old, and very happy, so it was the right choice for us.

 

sounds like they are control freaks.

I recommend just not spending any time with them. if you are away from them, they can't have any effect on you

it sounds to me like they are just going to behave however they want as long as they think they can get away with it.

 

sorry for being away so long.
well, it was bad. very bad. My mother in law would come behind me and change things that I did, or take my son away from what he was playing with so he would have to play with what she wanted him to. My husband was washing dishes and she would stand behind him and watch him to see if he was doing it right. if my son was napping, she would touch him, pat him, in general almost wanting him to be awake. My father in law doesn't say anything because he doesn't have to lift a finger to do anything. she even got mad because I made me and my husband breakfast before they woke up.
so, after all this, the husband and I had a long talk. he doesn't feel as if things will change. there hasn't been much communication since that week, so it seems like we might have to have very limited contact for now