A Story of Conspiracy on the Deepest Level

There were three high-level government officials who went on a hunting expedition deep in the African safari and jungles, their goal was to bag some big game animals. When they got there they decided to make the hunt more interesting by splitting up and seeing who could get the wildest, largest animal. So they went their separate ways, and met back at the end of a week to compare kills.

The First man boasted: "I killed a lion, King of the jungle."

The Second man replied: "I Killed a Gorilla, 10x as strong as a man, and 5x as large.

The Third man had killed nothing, so he made up a story: "I killed a beast as large as a tree... His neck was half his height, and he had horns on top of his head like a demon... It was yellow... With Brown spots... And it had the craziest, longest, purplest tongue you ever saw."

He won the "competition" that day, but to cover up his lie he had to make a robot that replicated the one in his story... And that's where giraffes come from...

 

Once there was a king who had a daughter. Being extremely comely, every man in the kindom wanted her for his wife. In order to decide which man would marry his daughter, the king told all the men who wanted her that which ever one of them brings him the most ping-pong balls before sunset will win her hand. So, the men of the kingdom set out on their quest to accumulate the most ping-pong balls.

The first guy that made it back had two and half cartfuls of ping-pong balls. The next guy who made it back had five cartfuls of ping-pong balls. Then came another guy who was pulling two carts, each one carrying a ball that was really too big for the cart. The guy was all beaten up and bloodied, limping along, dragging his broken leg behind him.

The balls weren't white and they had blood all over them. So the king asked him, "Where in the hell did you get those ping-pong balls?" The guy's jaw drops to the ground, and with a look of absolute defeat on his face he says, "Ping-pong balls? I thought you said King Kong's balls!"

 

Have you heard the green golf ball story? Or the story about the Foo? I'm gonna tell those soon

 

So there were three guys who were going to walk through the desert on an expedition of some sort. They stopped at a bar in a town just outside the desert, and when people found out what they were doing, everyone told them that it wasn't a good idea and that many people had died in that desert because of a creature called the "Foo".

They ignored the warnings because they felt they were prepared, and they started into the desert. The first day was no problem, and they started to think that the people in the bar had been pulling their legs. But the second day, there was the biggest nastiest ugliest bird flying around. Like a giant slimy, gimp vulture. At first they were alarmed, but it didn't seem to do anything but fly around the desert, and not even circling around like it wanted to eat them. But then it dropped a giant nasty bird shit on one of the men. It was disgusting, and he started washing himself off with his water bottle, and got things out of his gear to wipe himself off with. And when he started to get mostly cleaned off, he died.

The other two men weren't sure what to do, it seemed like it must have been a heart attack or something, they had no idea why he died. So they buried him and continued on. That night was solemn, and the next day they kept an eye on the bird. It flew around, seemingly with no particular direction in mind. Then all the sudden it flew over to them in a flash, and dropped a big nasty bird shit on one of the men. But they were near a river, so he ran over to the water and began to wash himself off. Suddenly he died.

The last remaining man was confused and buried his dead friend and decided not to finish the expedition alone. But he was 2 days out of town, so he hiked through the rest of that day and night. The next day he was still about 18 hours out of town, and he was out of water. He hadn't slept and he had been hiking the entire night, and the Foo started flying around again. He saw it and he got scared. He knew it had something to do with the deaths of his friends. Then, it dropped a big bird shit on him. But he had no water to clean it off with, and nothing left to clean himself with. So he kept hiking and made it into town. He went to the bar and told the people they were right, then they said to him (and this is the moral of the story): "If the Foo shits. Wear it."

 

A great laugh these. Nice puns.