No this is not the last trip of 2012 its my last trip of that year. I was deeply in the mood to write and I don't think I've established myself quite yet with a solid trip report. I hope you have the time to read it and enjoy it as I have in reflecting back. Good luck and thanks for the view. The day was thanksgiving, and of course I had no work like most people and spent the day with family around my neighborhood. The mood was great and the sky felt promising. There was a slight breeze in the air but the warm sun made it an ease to be out at daylight. I had two or three beers at my relatives house with my dad and uncle. While sitting there and listening to these long time brothers talk about plans and future growth I kept thinking about my last two tabs I had at home. And how perfect the day felt as evening was settling in. My uncle has a couple of big trees with thousands of flickering leaves that just hang and rustle in the wind. I swear every time I stare at them long enough and surrender myself to the visual flutters of shifting light I'm subtly transported to that dreamy state of LSD. I began to express to my cousin/best friend that I was going to trip on my last remaining tabs. Months before I had finally come across my first batch of tabs. I'm not 100% on how pure the stuff was but after experimenting from one tab per trip to 5 per. I was convinced That the stuff was pretty close to what I had been reading and searching about. I realized after my second trip that 2 tabs would get me into this state of intricate visual messages from plants and grasses, uncontrolled or at times controlled intake of light upon focus, and thoughts...wild and insanely great thoughts that seemed to unconsciously surface into language and have a profound connection to something in sight or to an action or event that was about to occur. I will say that these tabs had a slightly sweat taste. I'll even go as far as saying that i felt a slight vibration warmth when they rested on my fingertip just before I placed them in my mouth. This batch has been my only batch so i cannot compare o other stuff that's out there. But over all I was extremely pleased with the stuff and praised it as priests and people do holy sacrament. Back to my story....my cousin knew how I felt about acid and I had doses him on a few occasions, showing him the way and being his "shaman" if you will, through the trips. He's mostly a raver kid who likes drugs like mollies and has smoked herb since our early mid-teens. As our conversation evolved and drifted away from intoxication, we thought it would be a good idea to visit a Buddhist temple where our recently deceased friend's ashes were held. I was going to drop before we got there. I went home to gather my head and supply while I wait for him to pick me up. Once I entered my room I sat and relaxed on my bed thinking, not only about the beautiful state that I was about to be in but it was going to the last of my supply. This great batch of stuff which I cherished and gained so much from was about I be finished. After a clear and affirm mind I smiled and was ready to commence. I hid my stuff in a typical baggy wrapped in foil that I slid into the pages of Aleister Crowley's book Magick. I scooped a thick amount of pages with my thumb and let them fall gently back to form until I felt the small gap that signals for the marked page. I looked outside with this shiny envelope resting in my palm as if looking for approval from nature. The trees and plants shared a common dance and I was about to join. I scoop out the remaining tabs and feel that tingle sensation on the tip of my fingers where they rest just as I described earlier. I set them on my tongue and place the foil wrapped bag back in to the book...out of habit? Out of respect? I just wanted to keep it as I had greatly appreciated the contents it held. Finally after a few minutes my cousin had arrived. I laced my boots and swung my jacket around onto my shoulders before stepping outside to my waiting ride. He wanted to pick up some herb for later and so we stopped by a local dispensary. I waited in the truck and was texting a couple of friends and co workers, wishing them a great thanksgiving and maintaining a few intimate conversations. Just knowing what waited for me at the turn of the hour had me feeling great and it ran as my muse while I typed my poetics to a few little girls that enjoyed my attention. Listen to me you'd think I'm egotistical or self indulged but I'm really a loving and sensitive guy with a thrill for life. Anyway before I knew it he had his herb and with two big smiling faces piercing through the windshield of our white cloud we were on our way to the temple. It was a wonderful drive. We talked about our friend and the great times we used to share. We used to be a part of this "party crew" in our high school years that I ran. It was a small group of close friends that loved to have a good time all the time. Steven was the last to join the crew but the first to leave the party if you know what I mean. We strolled along passing our old middle school and even a strange house where we randomly through a party once. I guess it wasn't that random if it happened all the time and maybe they were all strange houses that we didn't live in but were always invited to bring the celebrations. Around this time it had been 25-30 mins since I dropped and through the ecstatic feeling of joy I began to feel the subtle effects of it coming on. A slight nervous feeling and a sensation that something is about to come scare the wits out of me. It's normal and unless I take a few shots before I drop its part of the territory. We turned the last corner and there he was, a big Buddha smiling out to his garden sitting there with his legs in fold and eyes at ease. It was now pretty dark and under the shade of trees I was jumping out I my skin as we walked up to the the side entrance. It was all warm and better when we were greeted by the inner light of the building. Dogs were roaming and cats laid around the door, there was a big communal feeling. I peeked my head into the room and a monk came out. I told him we were here to light some incense and pray for our brother. "Ah yes, Steebun. Come. Come." He replied. We took off our shoes and i remember stumbling with the laces of my boots thinking I should have work an easier shoes. As I struggled to get them off I looked around and the cats were looking at me puzzled. I finally got them off and bowed to the group and said, "your too kind. I hope you had a great show." In the room laid hundreds of pictures from previously deceased friends, brothers, aunts, mothers, people that lived all kinds of different lives. And now their faces shared a common place on a wall in this corner of a communal temple. I tried not to focus on the wall because I initially felt scared and unwelcome by their face expressions. So I focused on who would welcome me, Steven. His ashes were in a gold plates box and his picture rested right above. His area was adorned with fresh flowers of all different kinds. The scents were strong and vivid. As I closed my eyes and thought of my dear friend his image was clear in my my mind and with the fruitful fragrance of the flowers I was able to send him feeling. Aromas of which we both enjoyed and could share a bond through. I saw him smile and I had a one way conversation with him in which I thanked him for the times we laughed and fought. The beautiful memories of us young and getting all we could out of life. Parties, girls, cars and motorcycles all that our childish spirits were thirsty for. I opened my eyes after being lost in the ripple of memories and everything was alive. It was as of The heads of all the flowers were waiting for my attention. As soon as they felt the rays of my focus kiss their peddles they instantly bent over towards me and began dancing their devotion to me. It was a marvelous scene with a variety of patterns being give off the the different species of plants. I looked back at the wall after some moments and all the faces that previously seemed to shun at me now smiled and greeted me with grace and expressions of approval. It was a real trip and I remember thinking that the wall was more of a sheet. A river of spirits in greys and muted tones that had been washed by the passing ages. Every shadow of every picture was as important as the gleam in every eye that looked out into a world of life and not only life but alive with dancing organics. Turning over and looking at my cousin I noticed him with his way eyes closed and he'd lit a few more incense since I had first shut my eyes. He must have felt me looking because he shortly after opened up. I whispered what I was witnessing but he didn't communicate much back. He was saddened. I advised him to smell the flowers to repair his soul. "Through your senses you can rewake your soul," I said. Or is it he other way around I thought to myself. He was to bound to his mood and we weren't in a place where I could further convince him....or was I? We lit a few more and made out way out. Strapping our shoes back on I decided to sit this time. The dogs came by to get a drink of water. And through my hearing I could feel thirst being quenched so could the short tree whose bleached blue blossoms seemed to pulse at each of the dogs gulp. Once I finished tying my laces I stood up with a rippling memory swimming in place and expressed, "Thank you friends, good show." I stepped closer to the tree and before snapping a blossom off its nest I asked, "for my cousin?" And behind me he replied, "thanks cuz." We made off back to the white truck that sat perfectly still under what seemed to be a street light of golden rays. "Heaven shines, Franky." I said excitedly. "Huh" "It shines, we must not be blind or saddened by our loss. We've got a friend inside." I assured. We drove off and stopped by a liquor store on the way home. I was feeling some fireball whiskey for later on that night. He wanted to smoke his herb so we headed back to our neighborhood where everything was waiting. We were now back at his house (only a few houses down from mine) and our dads were watching a soccer game and his mom was finalizing dinner. We snuck around to his room at the back of the house. A little added room or shack that was an addition to the home. His walls are decorated with all kinds of street art and characters that he draws up in his spare time. As he rolled a joint I was fixed on the stories that each piece told and their placement for the epic tale that the all stood for. We stepped outside and looked up at the clear night. The stars hung over us like a blanket falling tears. It seemed to bend and swing like a sail above the land. I took a few hits of the joint and he finished it off. Our families hadn't shared a full thanksgiving in a few years, ever since my parents split. Everyone is cool and talks and respects but events like this haven't been the same. It is what it is. I told him I was going to walk home and join my brothers and mother for dinner. They were aware of where I was going (physically) and would wait for my return. I arrived with my fireball in hand and the mood was mellow but cheery. It would be shortly lived. I wasn't hungry and for some reason try weren't either. My guess is that they nibbled on the thanksgiving food all day. Which I didn't mind. No body did. But we had some great laughs and shared some feelings which was nice. Surprisingly no one notices I was tripping. I was talkative and a few things in the house would activate my visuals. The texture on the walls crept around as if insects lined the paint, paintings were holographic and were affected by a mysterious breeze, and the fire...ah the fire was great and powerful with faces and forms from other worlds. It symbolized pain and the eternal struggle for people to get where they've been. It was going pretty cool. I poured two shots of fireball for my brother and I. I took mine but my brother who hadn't tried it yet waited a while. The lonesome shot sat on the counter for a few seconds and in stormed none other than a drunken father. No one was shocked at first but when he sat down and started blowing off some steam the house lost it. It was suddenly filled with yearling and devilish grinds from the seat he sat in. He ranted off in a completely opposite direction of what the day stood for. Complaints and disapproval fired out his lips and I felt an intense ball of negativity settling in my chest. My world was about to come crashing down and I was in for a ride. As I felt this stress emerging I stepped outside. All I kept thinking about was how could it be that on this day of all days he choose to fuck up a good vibe that we were glad to be, proud to share, and enthused by life and experience. It was a very delicate time for me. I looked back at the house and our Christmas lights were up freshly that day. But the the sounds that bounced around inside the walls were full of hate and broke all that the external stood for. Internally my house was shattered with the pieces of the past that couldn't be let go. Not for the moment, not for the spirit. I was balling with emotions but I couldn't stay outside and do nothing to fix it. I made up my mind that I would go inside and produce a solution or for the moment stop the arguing. As I opened the door I was immediately hit with the dark and disorderly mood of everyone inside. It was getting real personal and I think he eventually saw that we stood together and we wouldn't be broken. He soon stood up and drove off. We didn't care we were glad it was over. We comforted each other and knew we'd be alright. The good mood was gone but at least we had the negativity gone. I was still conning tripping and that might have been my emotional peek. I grabbed my bottle and some cigarette and walked back outside to collect. I sat back against the cold wall of our house that faced the street. The lights that hung above my head would change colors and not because of the LSD but because of the properties of their intended nature. As I wept and gazed out onto our lawn and past onto the trees that directed me up to the stars I felt as if nature was opening up I me. Calling and assuring me that I'd be safe if I'd die at that moment. Convinced that I was being accepted into his kingdom I let go and dazed off into that trip. Memorized by the invitation I was stuck on a death trip until I noticed that the colors of lights above me shifted as my mood or decisions did. Every time i took a swig of the whiskey they would light up red. With every deep breath they would turn blue. And upon a puff of cigarette they'd flicker red and green. It was real entertaining and I wasn't the only one to think so. I noticed a man walking across the street with a lit cigarette admiring either me and my strange connection to these mood lights or just the lights themselves. Then suddenly then I started noticing more life. Another neighbor across the street was charmed by the lights as well. Slowly things started looking better and I took this as a way do me out of my sadness. The whole time I was down there in this gloomy trip everything stopped. Time was done, texts had ceased, and I was making my way out. But that man set off this chain of attention that led to another. Soon a friend pulled up with a six pack and I was able to smile. He walked over and checked to see of I was ok. He helped me up and I quickly felt cold. So cold I had to go back inside. It was as if I had died and then suddenly returned to my body. Real trip when I thought about it. Once inside I sat on the couch with my mom and we both smiled and moved on. Text messages began flowing in and I was connected with everyone again. It was a reawakening feeling. Later on my brothers and friend gathered up some wood from recently fallen tree and started a fire outside. I was still had some light visuals but I knew I was on my way back. The rest of the night I sipped away at the fireball bottle and reflected back. I was thankful for the journey and for the things I was shown, not only from this trip but all the previous ones of the batch. I dazed off and enjoyed the end of my trip not really wishing or wanting for more LSD but just comforted by the strength I had been given and heightened by the growth of my soul.
Good report. Visiting a Buddhist shrine on acid sounds like quite a wonderful experience. You're a braver man than I am if you'll attend your family thanksgiving dinner on LSD. Driving while tripping isn't cool though.
It was great. Nobody really paid to much attention to us and I was really the only one who tripped. They had a great scenery filled with wonderful noises and tranquil melodies playing. Yeah, I guess I didn't really think about it to much after I took a few hits. No one was really home besides my mom and brother. And confidence certainly helped. I just focused on keeping a linear conversation with my mom. My cousin wasn't tripping and was behind the wheel for our travels. Thanks for reading.
i have to continue reading @ "Every shadow of every picture was as important as the gleam in every eye that looked out into a world of life and not only life but alive with dancing organics."
I read your trip report past 2 am in the morning, for whatever reason I felt that was like such a good time to read this report. Something about the quietness of the night felt like it let me visualize your trip in some ways or something. Anyways, very well written... You captured the swaying of emotions that I often experience on LSD, "Heaven shines" and "Dark and disorderly" are two phrases that sort of stood out to me from the TR. Sort of represented the contrasting, ebb and flow, perhaps yin and yang of the LSD trip to me. There were many other perceptions and emotions that you mentioned which I found interesting as well. Visiting a Buddhist temple is a very interesting setting to attend while tripping, and I agree with ELA I don't think I could make it, particularly seeming sober while tripping at a family gathering, a Thanksgiving family gathering no less.
Thanks for finding the time to read it. I totally get what you mean by stronger visualizations late at night. Something about sleep deprivation and a tranquil setting makes the perfect scene or invitation for imagination. It was alway my favorite time to trip. And though thinking about it now. It would have been nice to experiment with microdoseing a few days, sacrificing a couple of profound trips to see how it could alter my abilities at work, writing, and critical thinking through challenges more on the surface. The swaying of the emotions is an interesting topic. I mean its really eye opening how close order and chaos are pressed together in an arrangement(of we can call it that) that forms existence and reality. I believe that LSD breaks down mans "time" to be enable him to pick up on minute releases of both spheres. At higher doses the singularity becomes so intense that the field for madness becomes our playing field. I once had a trip of four tabs of that same LSD after some party and we made out to a diner. I found myself sitting In between two tables that were set together to accommodate our big party. And I very quickly noticed the balance unbalance patern in the way we unconsciously decided to sit. Both to my left and to my right were pairs of positive and negative personalities. There was a structured lesson there in which I was to learn from. So much information was rushing through me and I would pick up on words from bits of conversations at the table that only confirmed with full formed sentences in my head. Madness to Order. It was very strange but a feeling of comfort was always there too. Sometime after these lessons my plate had arrived. And I looked back and said out loud, "I didn't order any food!" They all looked at me and laughed because I had just had a detailed conversation about how I wanted my steak and eggs. It was a great break of laughter that broke the rambleness of the entire room. I ended up giving the steak away to a friend with a few bucks who ordered a small plate and I ate the eggs. The steak looked beaming with life and appeared to be bleeding. Haha it was amazing but I couldn't touch it. I knew I was tripping hard and was bouncing across the room back and forth to my warm cup of coffee. There was a party of seated pimps and girls scantily clad at a corner table. A stirred feeling was very much present in that room. A vibe of struggle, force, and obidience was at every angle in sight. It was becoming a bit much as the room was shrinking. Everyone seemed to be onto me. From the hoes to the dishwasher it was getting heavy. I finished my second cup of coffee, paid my bill and waited outside with a cigarette, some fresh breeze, and dancing trees. I had a great time the rest o that night. It all became very theatrical, poetic, symbolic, both dark and bright. Without the great setting of chaos I wouldn't have been able to form a struggle that would lead to a beautiful response of intricate dance, or a firmly confident reply. I had learned the delicacy of emotions, the build up, the hold, and perfectly timed release. Of course it all seems possible under the influence of LSD but shattering our perspective of time and opening ourselves up to any disorder can shoot us out as Nietzsche said, "dancing stars."
