In my youth I was in open relationships until I got married for 11 years. I divorced him in 2004 because we lost our third child and we handled grief differently. He started drinking and I refuse to live with an alcoholic. Ever since I left him I have lost interest in sex. I have had 3 different men try to get with me but I turned them down. Now that I am just around teens all the time; My son and his friends, I have grown lonely for friends my own age group. I am not lonely for sex but I am wishing I had more friends around my age or older. This past year of being a non traditional student I found only one other student my age but she is to busy to communicate much and I had to take a year off school due to health problems. I am home bound with a wound vacuum attached to me. It has isolated me which is why I am hanging out in this forum this week. I have one more surgery to go through before I will be well enough to go out and have fun. I started thinking about past relationships. I realized I have left every man I have been with. I guess I have always been a bit of a loner even before my divorce. I did well in open relationships but my spouses would get jealous because I was a belly dancer and it was not hard to attract lovers in my youth. Even now even though I have become quite fat I still had men hit on me but I think I put on this weight as a shield to try to repulse them. My 18 year old son is acting worried about me and keeps telling me I need a boyfriend. He does not think it is healthy for me to be content alone. I am so set in my ways that I think part of it is I do not want a lover breaking up my routine or trying to change me. My ex-husband was a different religion than I was and even though we got along well the first 5 years he started acting threatened when people would ask me for tarot readings and he would make jokes about it. Now I am free to be me and I love that but even my children do not mesh with my beliefs. My daughter at age 16 made me go through a psych eval because I believe in a spirit world. I am agnostic but I do believe in other dimensions and astral worlds. I just do not worship any deities. Luckily the psychologist told the social workers that I was sane and that I actually had a high IQ. So they left me alone after that. He told me that I was the first person he met that sped through all the perceptive areas of his IQ test and he found that interesting. He told me I was extremely perceptual. Here in my town I do not fit in any groups. I have a few friends here but none live near. Most of my long time friends live 100 miles away or in other countries and states. So I joined this forum hoping to find some friends on the internet.
I'm a loner too. I have close friends that live close by but generally I'll hide away unless I'm really pumped up to do things. I'm most happiest when I'm alone too. As soon as people come close to me it just gets awkward and my mood swings and I don't want them there. It's why I choose to live where I live away from every one in a small town - farthest away from town get me out of here! I don't think there's anything wrong with what you've done or doing now. If something isn't "you" then you shouldn't have to conform to another persons ideal of standards.
welcome here sunshine i cant imagine losing a child...it hurts me to read that you should come by the stoners lounge here.. we have a chat thread where we hang out and shoot the shit..call each other funny names and generally have an awesome fun time... its 24/7 with people from allover the world and some from your state you dont have to be a stoner...
interesting, there are quite a few nice people here once you weed through the troll. HipChat has some great people in it, but the evening is full of the younger crowd. What kind of art do you do?
I'm a loner too. No prospects of anything. Even if you have friends a long distance away cherish them. You're lucky.
Hi Jo King I draw and paint mythological stuff and i do some realism with animals and sea creatures. I spin and weave on a floor loom and table loom. I do a lot of bead work. I make stuff toys, dolls and puppets. I make masks and feather fans. I also write poetry and stories. I play harp, a little guitar, flute drum etc but am an amateur. ROLLINGALONG I will check out the stoners lounge soon. I use to be a stoner until my lungs got messed up. I am all for the legalization of it. Thanks :sunny: Irminsul, I know what you mean about feeling awkward around people. My son teases me about being socially awkward. i have gotten a bit better now that my house is full of teenagers that call me mommykins. It seems to be my new name around here lol. Many teens adopt me as a surrogate mom these days.
I always cherish my long time friends. Luckily I have many from back when I worked in collective restaurants in my 20's and even some from childhood.
Thanks Roamy, It happened 14 years ago. I have healed. I have been blessed with two living children who are young adults and maybe some day I will be a Grandma after my children finish college. I have also been surrounded by many children and teens, who helped heal my heart. My daughter and I had our differences when she was a teen but now that she is 20 we get along great. My 18 year old son still lives at home and we get along well.
Isadoran I'd love to see your stuff. There's an Art section if you're interested. I started a thread and have been adding to it over time. http://www.hipforums.com/newforums/showthread.php?t=415661&f=6
