Opinionated mother on a son with long hair

So I have longish hair right. I started growing it a little over 3 years ago as it was a new stage in my life. I recognised people getting tattoos for the same reasons, new stages in life, new beginnings and what not but I decided to grow my hair out as I'd always like the look of dudes with long hair and badly wanted it growing up as an infant. But I have a mother who's extremely judgement on stereotypes. Her opinion of me in long hair doesn't really bother me, but at the same time it does because she won't drop it. I don't really care what people think of me, that's their burden and all.
Now my mother is notorious for approving the clean cut, shaven wanker in a suit. She even believed that the Oklahoma bomber shouldn't be put to death because he looked so respectful in his final hours. That's bullshit.
So in her eyes any guy with long hair is a no good drop out, absolute druggo.
Now I've been putting up with this for 2 years now and I just ignore her or tell her it's not getting cut, I like it, my missus likes it, in fact my mother is the only one who's ever said anything bad about it. Well there's a couple of older women at the pub that ask tell me to get a haircut so I'm assuming middle aged women are the ones who take offense to this. My mother suggests I'll never get a job with it and I should cut it. I'm currently unemployed but have bright prospects on the horizen and a recent call has made my week *cross fingers* and I got my old job with long hair at the time anyway. I know it's bullshit to suggest that the possible 100,000+ guys in this country with long hair are all out of jobs. It's 2013, do people really still care? I should be able to get fake tits and be a transgender bloke without anyone saying shit, right?
So anyway my mother now doesn't bother telling me about my hair anymore, she goes to my missus and she's getting sick and tired of it too. We are actually very close to my mother, I'm an only child and have been with her through everything but it's just got to stop and I don't know how to nicely say it. She's going through a rough time right now, her husband just got over bowel cancer but has a dark spot in a lung when scanned recently which they're worried about so you'd think she'd have other things on her mind other than my hair.
My father thinks she's an absolute hypocrit because they dated and married while he had long hair back in the day. He tells me he underatands where she's coming from, but the times have changed and the industry I'm heading for (warehouse/delivery/courier) shouldn't at all judge by males with hair as males with hair dominate the industry. This is something mum is blind to.
I don't want to wreck the relationship by telling her sternly to shut up about it. I think my best option is to talk to my step dad. He's a great guy, he would probably put her in her place and say that you're annoying him, you're annoying his missus, it's just him accept it. Hopefully he'd say that. But am I meant to actually defend myself to her? All I want is for her to ask me why I do it and I'd give her the honest answer. It's me, I like it, It's me. I have a hard time living in Australia. Culturally it's not me and I strive to learn my European origins. I'm German/Polish so I'm right into medieval and Saxon times and long hair was normal back then, so the hair culturally speaks to me. I believe I look better in it and other parents of families have told me it suits me completely because of my Nordic complexion...

Sorry for the rant and all. Any suggestions?

 

She must not have been one of the hippies in her youth. Probably too prissy and stuck up. It seems to me that you have tried "being nice" about not cutting your hair, but she does not get the message. In all honesty, sometimes one has to be mean to family members in order to get the message across because sometimes it is the only way any kind of message gets through their thick skulls.

 

My ex husband had parents that always made an issue about his long hair. In fact they disinherited him. He stubbornly grew it out. The sad thing for him is his current Woman friend cut it all off one day when he was passed out drunk. I was so sad to see his beautiful curly silver hair and his extremely long beard trimmed. It is growing out fast.

It is no ones business but your own what you do with your hair. I always let my children choose their own hair length, beliefs, and lifestyle.

 

I would have agreed with you a few years ago about her being stuck up but since I've grown older (27) my father has been speaking up about her and what happened and why their marriage fell apart. Honestly, if you ever met them you'd question as to how they ever got along in the first place, they're really different. But at the time they were together my father, his best friends (which I drink with every week) and all they guys they hung around all had long hair and she must of been okay with it to date dad.
So dad has told me stories about her, smoking weed and all the little dirty things she did and he laughingly admits he still has the photos to prove it which I've never asked to look at lol.
I think possibly I remind her of him and she hates it. When I was growing up my quiet mood swings really ticked her off. There was never anything wrong with me, I was just a teenager and I had nothing to say sometimes, I'd just sit quietly running my mind through things which is exactly what dad does. She even accused me once of being just like him. I've come to be quite like him in many respects. I think she sees it too and hates it.

 

I'm honestly 60% worried she'll cut my hair off when I'm over one day when my back is to her. I stay out of the kitchen. If she ever did that I'd disown her, I'd be gutted.

 

The best you can hope for then is to continue dealing with her opinion that you should cut your hair. As you described, it is obvious that she connects your long hair with your father who is her ex husband. It is immature on her part. Unless you are willing to become downright confrontational, you will simply have to deal with her opinions and shrug them off.

 

Thanks. That's what I think too. I'm not the most confrontational guy in the world but when it happens I let loose with an acid tongue and barrage of offensive truths haha but I couldn't do that to her. I just hope I can get employed soon so I can say "can't get a job with long hair, eh? You're dreaming" But I know the longer it takes for me to get employed she'll just say "it's because they don't like your hair" which is exactly why I've held off telling her I quit my job 2 months ago. But when I get another job with my hair I'll tell her to stop it I think. "You were wrong and now you need to stop".

 

You are correct. Many places hire males with long hair. It is absolutely absurd to believe that one must have a military hair cut in order to be presentable to society. Fuck society. It is not your job to please them. Your job is to please yourself.

 

I was talking to r0llin about this yesterday and I blame Alexander the Great. Before him the western world had their men grow out their hair and manes especially Sparta. If you were male in Sparta and you didn't have long you weren't a warrior and if you weren't a warrior you were no one and the women were treated better because they could still conceive a warrior. But then Alexander believed that during fighting it was too easy for the enemy to grab hair and beards and it was outlawed. Those rules eventually went on into Greece, Rome and after time the bearded men of the north had to start shaving when absorbed by Christianity.
I really admire you growing your hair for cultural significance, you go dude! and if you are in fact of Nordic complexion, your long hair will definitely suit you.

 

my parents were complaining about my long hair once (it was shaggy not long)...so i shaved my head. they were pretty surprised

 

My Mother Was Like This, No Matter What I Did With My

Hair Somehow It Was Wrong, The Exception Being A Short Back And

Sides With A Part...

Over The Years I Have Had Just About Every Hairstyle Known To Mankind

Excluding A Mowhawk.

For 44 Years My Hair Was Never It's Natural Colour, And Now At The Ripe

Young Age Of 65 I Have Dreadlocks...:2thumbsup:.

I Swear Every Time I Hear The Rumbling Of A T-Storm It Is Really The

Sound Of My Mother Turning In Her Grave....



Cheers Glen.

 

I have had a Mohawk. It was even bleached blond.

 

Speaking of dreads.. she said to me a month ago I should get them... And I was like really? Dreadlocks mum? I wanted them when i was 16. Once I explained that they'd be even dirtier than long hair (no disrespect) she became against it. She's also never been a fan of me with a shaved head either. I used to do security for 3 years, I'd skinhead myself every weekeend, fuck I could pull it off too XD Romper Stomper style.

65 and dreads? That's awesome. I often look at older guys with the same sort of hair makeup as me, wavy style and the guys are usually white blonde or grey and I can't wait until I get it as long as that and that style.

 

Uh-oh, Glen is going to explain some things to you.

 

Haha I'm all for it. I've just always heard you can't wash them so I naturally assume they're dusty and dry. My hair is way too thin to try and go for dreadlocks. That's another reason she doesn't like it. "You don't have the hair to grow long." It's probably true but then again not really, it's just hair, can't all have strong ass Asian hair like my missus. She's Chinese and her hair is thick and strong as a rope. She's always wanted a dark haird blue eyed guy, I've suggested she give me her hair in a wig and regrow hers. What she can grow in 3 months is more than I've grown in 3 years.. it's bullshit!

 

i hope i don't sound like an asshole saying this, but right now you don't have a job (and i know you said you've got that in the works so no disrespect meant), so you're kind of perpetuating what she's saying... so don't say anything to prove her wrong... just keep living your life and do what ya gotta do, and prove her wrong that way. because ultimately you are right, you can look however you want and be a decent and successful, happy person, hair does not a man make (and you remember that too, sir, don't get so caught up that you forget you are much more than just what's on your head)
show her that, and it'll shut her up, ya know?

i feel ya though... my grandma always used to freak at my hair when it was shoulder length, even refused to let me come visit her in florida unless i got it cut

which i did but in all fairness it was tangled and gross, i kinda had to get it done...

 

That's true, I don't have a job, but I haven't gone for any either. The only one I have gone for is a courier role driver/owner opportunity to start my own sub contracted business and I went into that interview with my hair down (what you see is what you get) and I've been contact with them for 2 weeks now and have just been told that unless something drastically changes with their contracting tender, I'll be getting a call in a couple of days. I've wanted to do courier work for years now, getting out there on my own, barely have to deal with people except dropping their gear off. My biggest worry was eye surgey that I'll need mid year and I thought that would back off me but I thought I had to tell the truth because if I start a business and buy a van and I can't work then I'm only hurting myself. They seemed fine and thanked for the 6 month notice and I explained that theoretically since my mum and my missus take advantage of "carers leave" they can realistically help me with my runs and I won't need to pay them. We reiterated all that this morning and was just working out worst case scenarios if I couldn't work for a month. All is looking good though.

 

im just going to answer you quick.

either you shut up about it, or she does. you should tell her that its her right not to like it, but opinions are like assholes, everybodys got one and they all stink. its your hair, your life, your job prospects. if the only job willing to hire you will only hire you if you cut it, would you? my dad applied at every place that would let him keep his beard.

if she refuses to close trap, then shut her up physically, by distance. ' sorry ma, i dont want to spend time with you if all you want to do is bitch about my choices.'

 

From the mouth of a mother.

 

My hair went down to my mid back then something happened... Hanson.

A pop group named Hanson also accidently burning my hair in church convinced me to chop my hair.