Parents

So I'm a young adult and I still live with my mother and her boyfriend in a small apartment while I go to school (and can't raise enough money to move out because of school) and I have never gotten along with my mother.
I have been away from my house a lot over the last few years, working and things, but I am forced to live there at this point due to circumstances

She is the controlling sort of person, oldest of 5 siblings, the one who has to make sure everything is going according to plan and she is very manipulative and heavily manic. She is a rather interesting person, a writer, but is very hard for me to get along with. Her boyfriend is an equally interesting effeminate metrosexual who talks about every subject with extreme, put-on enthusiasm.

Now, I need to live here for at least one more semester. I was supposed to move out at the beginning of this semester, but one of my roomates bailed, so now I need to get through this one living with my mom and step father. I just don't know how I can do it, though.

To be fair, our family's relationship is probably poor primarily because of me, but it's a give and take of bullshit, excessive screaming, throwing things, etc. I just don't know how I'm going to make it for four more months. Every time either of them come near me I feel excessive disgust. Almost as if it were a compulsion, their mere presence can make me go from a perfect day where I've worked out and studied and done yoga and smoked some spliffs and everythings going well to feeling as depressed and angry as if someone had just hit me in the balls with a sledgehammer.

I don't like the way I feel about my family. I get along normally and kindly with everyone else i my family (father, extended family, etc) and in my life (school, work, all that shit), but these two that I live with I just can't handle. It may be my fault, but I need to learn to deal with this. As soon as I see either my mom or stepdad, I have pretty regular fights with my stepdather and we'll beat each other up and stuff and it is no fun at all. No idea what to do about my family. I try to stay at school all day and only leave to go to sleep, but I hate having to avoid my own home.

 

It is pretty normal for your parents to drive you nuts at your age. I drive my 18-year-old son nuts and he has the same problem as you about moving out. He gets mad at me for little things because he is ready to cut the apron strings but also a bit scared. At this point in your life it may be easy to focus on the negatives. So when you catch yourself dwelling on their faults try to keep in mind the positive things about them too. My son sits down and has long talks with me about how he feels and what is making him so irritable. Communication does well as long as both sides listen.

 

Yeah, with my mother it's like that, I could talk to her about all sorts of off-topic things and we would get along, but living together makes us want to kill each other and benefits neither of us.

The thing is since I left my house many times and have been absent a lot, it no longer feels like my house. It used to, before I ever left, but now it just feels foreign. It feels like I am isolated, living in other peoples space.

My perception of the two of them is so warped at this point I can barely even see them as human, especially not my step father. They make me sit and eat with them every night, but when I look at his face, all I see is an anus. And usually these dinners go very badly. The other day he was yelling at me about some sort of downward pattern in my life and he ended up throwing a hamburger at my face at the dinner table.

A few weeks ago, we had an argument and he spat in my face and now the compulsion to go spit on him is almost unbearable.

I'm also so worried about my relationship with my mom, because, if Freud was right about anything, this is seriously bad for my psyche. I feel like I can't have healthy relationships of any sort with any woman now because my mom has made me into a misogynistic douchebag.

 

I couldn't stand my mom either. At around 21 I was able to calm down a bit, but now at 51, she grates on me again. I was a good kid as you are, as in both working and going to school, but she had no interest in me. When she did ask, it was so phoney and she would quickly get distracted if/when I started talking. She made me sick.

It is visceral how much these relationships are so awful. I think you can do this for 4 months though. You have to. I suppose if it's a fight every day, then ok.

 

My daughter feels that way about my house. She was my run-a-way. She hated me, between age 13 and 18. Now that she is 20 she loves me again but she refuses to live here while she goes to college. Right now she lives in the dorms.

Luckily for my two young adult children I never got with anyone after I left their dad so they do not have to deal with my bad taste in men yet.

Venting at least helps relieve tension. Have you thought of doing an internship so you can at least afford the dorms. Or do they have dorms where you are going? My daughter works at the school doing an internship which helps her afford to live apart. When she starves she drops in and bums meals.

 

well I could get along with my family if I didn't live with them. They're the kind of people who live for looking good in social situations, so if you were to meet them somewhere they'd have to make it seem like everything was perfect and just act nice and everything, but they keep all the insanity in the house.

I wouldn't quite say I'm a good kid, though. Like I am on Hipforums.

 

Do you not have your own room with a door on it you can lock? If so, just lock yourself in your room as much as possible when you're at home. Try to avoid contact and confrontation as much as possible, and you'll make it.

 

In My Humble Opinion A Step Father Has No Place Dishing Out Disipline

To You, That Is Your Biological Mothers Responsibility, And As For

Throwing Food, And Spitting In Someones Face, Thats Something

A 5 Year Old Wouldn't Do, Let Alone An Adult....

Tell Your Mother To Date A Man, Not An Immature Child....



Cheers Glen.

 

Once you are out you will see a huge difference in your life

 

Just don't fight.
It really is that simple, nothing get accomplished, nobody wins, it's just wasting time and energy.
Cut back on all the nonessential and save save save.

A good friend told me once "It's not a fight tell you react"

 

Just tell them your not going to argue calmly and refuse yourself the fight too. You have to focus

 

i know in my parents' house, my bedroom didn't have a locking door. my parents' room and one of the 1.5 bathrooms were the only doors that locked.

and yes, my mom had no problem barging in at any time.


i think the best option, assuming there is really no way to move out now, is to just not be home except when absolutely necessary. do you have a friend who doesn't mind you hanging out a LOT? i had a shitty roommate situation for one semester back in college, and during that time i pretty much only slept in my apartment, spending the rest of the time at one particular friend's place instead.

 

I'm mostly at school studying, smoking kush and playing instruments and shit. I really only come home to sleep. I live in a very small apartment where everything is close together and, even if my door locked, it is kind of in the middle of everything.

 

stop sending money on drugs , get a job and save enough to move out

 

My daughter quit smoking tobacco and pot, saved money for two years with her job and had enough money that she did not owe any college loans this year. Hedgeclipper you would be wise to do the same. I completely agree with Jo King on this one. If I saved all the money that I blew on pot when I was young, I would have had a nice nest egg when I started my family. I enjoyed the many years of pot use but I got fat on munchies and now I have to breath on a machine at night. I am still tempted to move where medical marijuana is available because I am in pain but I will not ever pay for it again. So I am not against it but when you need to gain your independence it is best to be practical.

 

Work during summer, have a job, spend little on pot. I understand what you're saying though. I need to get off my ass and stop complaining. I should make enough money this summer to last all of next year though (hopefully). I think I can handle it for a few more months, but it will still suck living with people who can't get along.

 

This will be the case everywhere you go.....people not getting along. Just think, you have a great practice ground to hone your skills. In the workplace especially, it'll be really important to have solutions.

 

I'm pretty good at handling work and school and I can handle living with my father, and other roomates I've lived with in the past. I really jsut think that I can't deal with my mother and stepfather. I don't think they're bad people, just people I'd rather avoid.

 

..

 

You know.....there is so much hostility going on there. It is simple self-preservation that you do anything you can to find an alternative. Go find it.