Hello... here. I came along and joined the site today. I probably will not be a long time user, but I may. Now on to the subject. Some time ago, I had lesbian thoughts over a friend of mine. When she left the school, I had no one close to me. I feel lonely. Unwanted. I... tried to conceal it, but I have to let it out. I'm afraid of my thoughts. I thought of suicide. Suicide, you say? Yes. But I was scared to do it. In fact, I had a noose over my neck one time but I talked me out of doing it. I don't want to die, but these thoughts are unbearable. Is it normal for lesbian thoughts to do this? On to this, I was normal before having them. I don't want to go to a mental health facility like last time. It was horrible. Does anyone understand... me? I'm a virgin who never dated anyone. No one... I want to be loved but I've just... sort of gave up. I view myself as pretty, I guess; assuming so. But to win me, I set extreme standards. No guy or girl actually asked me out, ether. Do I have to resort to lesbian thoughts? I... don't understand them ether. What do I do? What path should I seek? Am I really a lesbian, or is it just thoughts? In fact, what is a lesbian? Can I be considered one? All of these questions I would like answered... Thanks, Yours truly, ~Unknown soul...
There is so much wonder and happiness available to you; please don't end it prematurely. I believe you are feeling awkward about your female attraction because it is an unknown. We naturally fear things we don't understand. The key to overcoming it is to recognize that it is just fear of the unknown, NOT fear of the actual choice. Once you see the change for what it is, an opportunity for something new and exciting, you will be able to master your fear and anxiety. I suppose I am biased, but I would DEFINITELY encourage you to explore relationships with other women. In my experience, women are much more caring and understanding, as well as sensitive and gentle. That sounds like exactly what you need to me.
