My depression is turning into hatred.

I'm tired of my parents. I don't like them. Honestly, I'm not just having some 17-year-old temper tantrum. I do not like being around them. As soon as I turn 18 (6 months) I am leaving this accursed house and as far as I know, I will never speak to them again. I am cutting them off. Insignificant bastards.

I am stuck here with little in the way of friends and hardly anything that holds my interest. As I sit here, my life going nowhere, I want to destroy everything. I want to throw the television out the window and I've actually contemplated doing so. I try to get away from this place as much as possible.

It isn't only my parents and my home I hate, it is also myself.

I feel like I'm going to lose it someday soon, like Pink when he brought that groupie over. I want to fucking destroy.

I found myself throwing cups and lightbulbs at the wall earlier, did nothing. I need freedom, or mayhem.

I want freedom.

 

Throwing cups and light bulbs at the wall; contemplating throwing a t.v. through a window; are the actions of a temper tantrum.

What is it that you hate about yourself?

 

Honestly, I don't know.

I don't know what I hate about myself.

fuck it

 

You've only got 6 months. You've done 17 and a half years. You should be able to do 6 months in your sleep.

 

Only thing, I was happy for most of those years.

Somehow it got all fucked. God must hate me. Satan too.

 

What would make things "good" for you? What's your ideal day?

 

Fucker!

Why am I complaining to you people. You have better things to do and I should have more dignity than to keep complaining on the internet.

Disregard this whole thread.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRhZISswW_k"]Black Sabbath - Children of the Grave - YouTube
I suggest you close your eyes for a half hour and listen to this repeatedly..

most importantly. this..

Show the world that love is still alive..
you must be brave..

then take a nap for a little while. youll feel better later..

 

It makes sense that hatred is part of it. I had that as well. For me, I was not allowed to have emotion during my years of growing up. The anger that built led to all sorts of problems. It's been a long road....

 

Hey I go through that a lot. You're almost out though when you're free live it up.

 

Teenage angst has paid off well now I'm bored and old