the meaning/purpose of life...lost?

the days all seem the same to me, i have no clarity on what i want to do with my life, and i feel like im stuck in a place where i cant live life truly to the fullest. i know that not everybody can know the meaning of life, but one of my symptoms of my depression, is that i have a chronic feeling of meaninglessness or worthlessness. like whatever i do, no matter how productive or positive it may seem, is pointless and does nothing. i feel trapped in a sphere where im surrounded by my fears and my feeling of being useless. i try to write my poetry but i cant get the flow as well anymore. i like to sing but right now im losing my voice and cant. im 18 and i still dont have an income or a car or any form of identification (im working on getting the ID stuff now). im unsure of what i want to do when it comes to college, as well.
things wont be like this forever but nonetheless i still feel stuck and confused. captured by the bitterness of life that decided to bite me in the ass. i feel bombarded by my confusing emotions, sometimes i sit in my room and do nothing because im too overwhelmed to think straight on what im gonna do with my day. the feeling of not knowing what to do with my life, not knowing how to take control, is what consumes me. and that is what leads to the feeling of meaninglessness...being completely clueless on what steps i need to take. sometimes i dont know what i want or what i need. i am such an unsure person, it's not even funny. i just don't know what to do.

 

Well, I never typed to you before, this is the first time. So I really don't know anything about you. Age is a lot, as many of our youth are in that same predicament.

Life isn't supposed to feel like that. Sometimes just taking a day off and spending time in the park or woods can help. Perhaps try a weekend out camping. Giving your mind a break and new environment can help. But there are times those don't work.

Back when I felt like that, I decided the best thing for me is to change the lane of life I was in. I made a step forward, contacted the local college and enrolled in a course.

College is more expensive now, I know. But it's a change. And many times that's all you need.

I wish I could help you more.

 

Wow! That is a very good description of what philosophers call an Existentialist Crisis.

(A great time to hang out at Beat coffee shops and find pretty Audrey Hepburn like girls, dressed in tight black clothes, act cool, and talk about the angst you feel towards the meaninglessness of life forced upon us by the Post-Modern crisis...)

The Modern way of dealing with such issues, which seems to work for most of the population, is to get yourself back towards making money, or being sucessful in whatever way you can, so that you are once again chasing after short term fleeting pleasures, manipulated by the media, big corporations, and the people around you to play in that endless game of consumerism. A more destructive way is to chase after short term fleeting pleasures in addictions which take many forms---alcohol, drugs, gambling, Playstation... The thing is, in either case you are nopt really resolving the anxiety----just burying it where it won't stick its head out so often. Modern man can go through a whole life carrying such anxiety, and never face it-----there is always something there, but as long as its buried away, he can find a bit of happiness today, something tomorrow, the next day... always seeking... Never asking the big question, Why?

As Logan 5 said, life isn't supposed to feel like that. He gives some good advice on it. I would add to his advice that a search for meaning is important too---and those breaks provide that. Getting back to nature---even just sitting in a park watching---can do that. I dig Japanese haiku----if you know how to really get into that (through English translation, unless you are learning Japanese)---read collections of the old Japanese masters with their explanations. R. H. Blyth wrote a great set of books on haiku. His books are broken down into seasons---if its winter---check out his winter book, and sit buy a window with all of winter's beauty in front of you as you read it...

There is a book that you might find called, Ecstasy, Understanding the Psychology of Joy, by Robert A. Johnson. It is a real short and easy read. But I think it deals very well with the existential crisis of modern life. It explores the archetype of Dionysis. In the last section there are different exercises and ways that you can reconnect and use this archetype to bring meaning back into your life (Though I must admit I quickly read over all that stuff---I was more interested in the philosophical and theoretical aspects of the first part of the book.

Of course, if you have any spiritual leanings, you could explore those, and how it provides meaning to life. My only advice is to dig below the dogmatic religious things, don't worry about social rules and ethics---just get to the spiritual part. If not there are the philsophers---though maybe for some people in your predicament, many of the existentialist philosophers may aggravate your feelings. But then too, its about what speaks to you from a philosophical standpoint---maybe all that stuff would be too dry. IN which case---go to an art museum, or whatever moves you in that sense of finding meaning.

It sounds like you are an artist of some sort---you've got your poetry or whatever you create---search for meaning behind that---it may very well be that the cure is the search for meaning within the meaninglessness of existence that resolves the issue. This is the angst that drives the artist to create. It is this kind of search that becomes all-encompassing that has made many great artists.

Then when the rest of the populace are mindlessly searching for happiness in the latest consumerist fads, and trends----you'll be truly enjoying yourself, and even when you do buy the latest gadget or go to the newest club----your simply enjoying it for what it is, a temporary diversion to enjoy, in between enjoying who you really are---in your world of meaning.

 

PS----the thing about the spending time in nature, haiku, art, whatever inspires you in that sense, because if it is the right stimulus, it helps you reconnect to that place in your life where meaning does exist---your subconscious.

Science, rationalism, and all other such pursuits, including much of philosophy, places focus on the rational side----on reason. Modern man is therefore trapped in his conscious mind, alienated from his subconscious, and only dreams, odd behaviors, and other such irrational things, ever give hint to the deep understanding the subconscious can provide us. We can find rational meaning to life, but I think it is only after we reconnect with the subconscious---and ultimately that is when you once again become a whole person.

So experiencing the non-rational side, the artistic, aesthetic, or the I-don't-know-why-I-dig-this-but-I-do side------that reconnects, and meaning lies somewhere below that.